There is something about Sunny Leone that is disturbing to many of us entangled in the so-called notion of morality. A woman should be like Sita- pure, innocent, harmless and devoted to her man.
Sunny Leone is anything but Sita.
As an adult, she made her own choice getting into the porn industry and she did quite well. Life as a porn star is limited as competition is high. Possibly, Sunny saw it coming and decided to get into Bollywood. Not a bad business move, because today, she is the most googled woman in India, and has found her market with a certain kind of adult movies in India.
Fair enough!
But in Sita’s world, not all misogynists can digest life choices made by a woman who is so sexually expressive and unapologetic about it. One being a certain senior journalist from CNN-IBN named Bhupendra Chaubey (whose existence was unknown to many of us till he interviewed Sunny Leone).
When Sunny Leone went to his show (The Hot Seat) to promote her movie, probably, even she had not expected the kind of questions he would ask. He started with if Sunny had any regrets in life. Had she said ‘life as a porn star’, that would have given him an utter satisfaction. She did not say so.
That possibly bothered him because within five minutes he asked again and he was specific this time, “I asked you about your regrets and you spoke about your mother. If I was to turn the clock back, will you still do what you did?”
“One hundred percent,” Sunny replied with confidence.
This possibly angered his ego because after that Sunny was bombarded with questions about how people look at her, degraded her (he called her an ‘item girl’ at one point), and accused her of corrupting youth and stealing housewives’ husband.
The nightmare for Sunny did not end there.
He moved one step further by teaching Sunny Leone how she should be. He commented, “We will also see movies of Sunny Leone in the future, where Sunny will be dressed up from head to toe in a saree. I mean covered completely?”…because in his words, “That also has its own charm.”
In many ways, the interview was disturbing.
The journalist symbolizes the mentality of many men who decide how a woman should behave. Recently, I watched a documentary called ‘India’s Daughter‘- a documentary about the gang-rape of Nirbhaya in Delhi. The documentary emphasizes some men justifying rape because in their mind, ‘a woman should never cross her boundary, and if she does, she is immoral and thus she deserves humiliation’.
As I was watching this interview, I did not find this journalist any different from one of those men who dons the role of moral compasses, questions a woman about her choices and believes that the only way to bring such a rebellious woman back to her senses is via humiliation.
Of course, comparison with a rapist is exaggeration and unfair as morale boundaries are subjective. Yet, imposing your morale values to others’ choices and lifestyle can be dangerous. The one who raped Nirbhaya in Delhi that night (and I am referring back to the documentary India’s Daughter) questioned about her morality as well. “How can a woman be out at night with a man other than her brother or father. She asked for it.”
That is the danger of morality.
We do not know when we end up hurting or humiliating the other person just because in our mind the other person is immoral. So blind we become with our opinion about others who are not following the so-called norms as we define (based on our twisted notion of morality), we do not even realize when we start thinking like that rapist (India’s Daughter).
Last night, the journalist’s attitude towards Sunny Leone was equally disturbing because he too came with a prejudiced mindset, determined to make Sunny accept that she is corrupting ‘good Indian youth’ and give her some lecture on morality. In his own words, he concluded, “People think if you see a Sunny Leone film, you will be morally corrupted. I am wondering if I am becoming morally corrupted, well, because I am interviewing you.”
And that possibly explains his own pervert mind because he was trying too hard to prove his own morality. To prove so, he was humiliating a woman who is open about her sexuality and not afraid to flaunt it.
On the other hand, I have to applaud Sunny Leone for handling such negativity, prejudice and hatred with so much grace, intelligence and composure. She was bold, articulate, unapologetic, humble, positive and attractive. She came across as a smart and intelligent business woman who knew what she was doing and had the balls to accept it with no regrets.
On a personal note, I found it extremely offensive when the journalist suggested wives view Sunny Leone as a threat. I am sorry, Mr. Journalist, we women are much more evolved than you are. We are not so insecure that we feel threatened by an online presence of Sunny Leone. Rather I am grateful as she has provided some pleasant moments to my husband as well. After all, a happy man is a happy husband; and a happy husband is a good husband.
As the interview ended, clearly Sunny Leone came out looking like the winner- morally at least!
Have you ever loved, and eventually felt searing disappointment when life couldn’t deliver all love was meant to be – a loving propitious future, enduring years of blissful harmony? Such is the story of Masaan (translation – crematorium), meticulously interwoven in the narrow lanes of Varanasi – where four strangers come together and are stripped off of everything they know about love.
Spoiler Alert – But Do Read On!
Moral Policing – A Young Indian’s Distress
The first story starts with Devi (played by Richa Chadda) and a young man she has sex with in a questionable hotel. It is unclear if the man is her lover or her client, but Devi is caught by the corrupt police officials who ask for a bribe in exchange for Devi’s graphic video. Her lover commits suicide and Devi is guilt ridden for the rest of the movie. Despite your personal stance on premarital sex or prostitution, your heart will feel for Devi as she tries to navigate the filthy, conservative lanes of Varanasi hoping to find dignity and make peace with the corrupt police system in India.
Devi shares a detached yet loving relationship with her father (played by Sanjay Mishra) who is perplexed with the intensely passionate and independent woman his daughter has turned out to be. He is a compassionate man, trying to understand the relationship Devi shared with the young man in the first scene. He also encourages her to work so the two can pay off the bribe as quickly as possible.
Devi and her lover are victims of the oppressive and conservative value system imposed on the youth of India. There isn’t a single secluded spot where Devi could meet her lover without being labelled as a prostitute. Despite her lover’s passing, Devi is still propositioned by lecherous men, who openly ask her for her price wherever she went.
Ultimately, for an Indian woman who wants to experience intimacy, the rules still work against her!
The Passion of First Love
The second story revolves around Deepak (played by Vicky Kaushal) and Shaalu (played by Shweta Tripathi), young college students experiencing the first passion of love. Their days are plagued with hidden smiles, loving gestures, and endless conversations about Urdu poetry – Mirza Ghalib and Bashir Badr.
The sheer innocence of their relationship stirs the buried passion we all felt when we kissed first – the longing desire for just a little more. It’s like a memory etched on the surface of the heart – each one of us knows how good it felt to be held by our first love.
Here’s the most un-Western reality about a majority of Indian romances, the first experience of love and passion doesn’t just lead to an extended dating period, but mostly to a quick wedding. That’s what Deepak and Shaalu wanted after just a couple of meetings – a quick wedding as soon as Deepak found a good job.
But their passion turns into sorrow, with Shaalu’s untimely accidental death. Her body, hidden in shrouds, lands in the hands of unsuspecting Deepak – who identifies the pretty pink ring she always adorned. Her body lands up at his workplace and residence, he was once so afraid of taking her to.
Harishchandra Ghaat is a small Ganges basin assigned to cremation activities only. A quiet, yet unforgiving place where flames engulf the dead – millions of dead who wish to be cremated by the Ganges for ultimate salvation. I found myself, letting out a sigh of pain watching Deepak grieve for his beloved at the Ghaat, as he says, “Why doesn’t this pain end?”
Harishchandra Ghaat, analogous to Masaan – the crematorium, is a place where many Indians bring their departed kin to be honorably cremated. It is also the place where life or whatever is left of it ends cruelly. The hidden pain and barbarism of the cremation process – the brutality of breaking the skull to ensure the entire body perishes at the banks of the holy Ganges, with only ashes left behind.
Life Goes On…
The movie culminates into Devi and Deepak moving the Allahabad (famous for the Kumbh Mela) to give meaning to their departed lovers. Instead, they find each other in a new city possibly ready to let it all go. And that is the best part about the shared human experience, we all manage to heal.
The Big Cannes Win
The movie has been directed by Neeraj Ghaywan – who once served as the Assistant Director to Anurag Kashyap. The storytelling and the plot is so attuned to Kashyap’s passionate style, you may think Masaan is a sugar coated Kashyap movie. Ghaywan makes no attempt to hide behind difficult subjects of child labor, prostitution, police corruption, and misogyny in India. In fact, he lays the issues naked and forces the characters and his audience to come face-to-face with these difficult issues.
The brilliant part about the movie is characters are far from glamorous, hyper-sexualized and physically exceptional to gaze at – like the usual Bollywood lineups. Yet, each character is captivating, raw and honest, and the characters linger in your mind long after the movie is over.
Masaan was featured as the official film selection atCannes 2015, won two awards and was widely admired by critics and fans alike.
If you haven’t already seen this movie – you’ve missed out!
Here’s my favorite track from the movie:
“Tu kisi rail si guzarti hai, main kisi pull sa thartharata hoon” (translation – you pass through my life like passionate train and I ache with eagerness like a bridge you just passed over.)
Sahib Biwi aur Ghulam- the classic based on a novel by acclaimed Bengali writer Bimal Mitra- must be finest Hindi cinema of the century that highlights the decline of wealthy aristocracy and the rise of working class in colonial Bengal. Released in 1962, the movie shows the contrast in two social classes through the character of Bhootnath- a young lower middle class servant in the Haveli (mansion) who ends up becoming a successful architect later in life.
The movie primarily revolves around Choti Bahu, played by Meena Kumari. Choti Bahu is a beautiful bride in the aristocratic family. She has everything except the love of her husband. While other Bahus of the huge manor have ungrudgingly accepted their husband’s debauchery and infidelity (after all that is what rich landlords are supposed to do), there is Choti Bahu who bewails her solitude and refuses to accept her life as an abandoned wife whose husband prefers spending his nights in the brothel with the courtesan (Tawaif). Choti Bahu is condemned for her desire by other women in the household. After all, as a woman, she has to think about family’s honor and she cannot demand anything from her man.
But for Choti Bahu, it is all about her obsessive desire for her man. So much so that she can go to any extent to seduce her man. And she does so. She befriends Bhootnath, the servant in the Haveli, asks him to get some vermillion (Mohini Sindoor) that is said to make husbands faithful. Of course, the vermilion supplied by her newly-found Ghulam does not work. A woman with such an ethereal beauty not able to get the attention from the man she desires – her misery only escalates. With intensified despair, increases her readiness to cross any line to be on her husband’s side. When she realizes that her husband cannot be roused without alcohol, she starts making her Ghulam supply alcohol so she can become his drinking companion and keep him by her side. This works for some nights. Sadly, her husband’s sexual interest in her does not last for long and he goes back to the brothel. By this time, Choti Bahu has already become a raging alcoholic. Watch out the most powerful scene:
I must mention that no other movie has offered a mystical experience as this movie when it comes to the gradual introduction of Choti Bahu. As we are told the story through Bhootnath’s eyes, we too see the shadow of lonely Choti Bahu in the beginning. One night, Bhootnath is ushered quietly into the Haveli. We too enter the Haveli with him. Both Bhoothnath and we first see the dainty, jewelry adorned feet and her silk saree. Gradually Bhoothnath raises his eyes, and so does the camera. When their eyes meet, Bhoothnath as well as we are smitten by her ethereal beauty. A close-up scene of Choti Bahu’s lips followed by a shot of her suggestive eyes indicate Bhoothnath’s attraction to her physical attributes, and how he becomes her “Ghulam”.
As the movie progresses, the relationship becomes far more complex than just Bhoothnath’s infatuation. Choti Bahu knows that she does not need to seduce him as she is well aware that the young servant is besotted. She has now found a confidante. There are scenes when she gives him the cognitive gaze which she would like to give to her husband. Then there is another scene, when Ghulam tries to grab her hand to stop her from drinking more, she shouts accusing him of trying to touch her inappropriately and sends him away (the most heart breaking scene as he walks away).
The movie has the sad ending though. Her husband is paralyzed, and Choti Bahu hears that some Baba can cure him. She reaches out to Bhootnath again and asks him to take her to the Baba. Without any question, the faithful Ghulam agrees once again. As per the Haveli tradition, a virtuous lady cannot leave the Haveli – and that too with another man. She has disobeyed the tradition, so much so that she becomes a woman so far beyond redemption that her fate is to be murdered and buried without honor in a secret grave. The last scene links Choti Bahu’s skeletal remains with the ruins of the Haveli.
The highlight of the movie is the ambiguity of the relationship between Choti Bahu and Ghulam. As much as we want to perceive it as a platonic relationship between two people who belong not just to different classes but to different dimensions, we are left wondering if despite being in love with another girl, Bhoothnath ever desired Choti Bahu. Or does a man-woman relationship always need an explicit definition? Perhaps, sometimes, it can just be left without being explained. That is the beauty of this movie.
In all fairness, Sahib, Biwi aur Ghulam is not only about the relationship between Choti Bahu and Ghulam. There is a definitive emphasis on the Haveli lifestyle, their mulish extravagance (there is a scene of opulent wedding for a Haveli cat/ dog), the caste system, and how deranged Haveli inhabitants are despite having wealth and power. Then there is a sub-plot- a sweet love story of Bhootnath and Jaba- a young, vibrant and independent girl, played by Waheeda Rehman.
Do not miss the movie. You can find the paid link here
Researchers say “sitting is the new smoking” for our generation. It doesn’t take a scientist to figure too much sitting increases backaches, shoulder fatigue and stress on the spine. Sitting around without much intermittent movement, is terrible for muscles that go in a near-dead mode when sitting for extended periods of time. Body on chair translates to:
Reduced calorie-burning rate of 1 per minute, compared to 3 per minute for standing and walking
Reduced insulin effectiveness within a single day
Reduced HDL (good) cholesterol levels
Increased risk of developing Type 2 diabetes
Increased risk of risk of being obese
Increased negative impact on body as quickly as 24 hours and the continued damage accumulated over a lifetime
Sitting for long hours gained particular notoriety when New York Times published a blog in 2014 titled “Sit Less Live Longer” about the over-sitting problem and how it could be killing us. Though the human body has historically been used to regular activity, in recent decades, sedentary lifestyle due to excessive sitting has become a part of our daily existence.
Reduced Sitting Times Improve Health
Research indicates that movement and standing for varying periods and varying posture is important – after all, the human body is meant to be on two feet.
Dr. Jensen of the Mayo Clinic, collaborated with Dr. Levine on a 6-year long study to find that –
Subjects in the study who gained weight sat about 2 hours more than subjects to did not.
The study originally was aimed at determining if some people who consume the same amount in food, gain more weight than others? People who didn’t gain weight inadvertently moved around more (exercising extra was prohibited in the study), even when subjects were fed them about 1,000 calories more per day compared to subjects who gained weight.
In another groundbreaking study, the British Medical Journal came up with a promising finding –
Reducing the sitting time in 68-year olds, was associated with an increased length in their telomeres.
What is a Telomere? Telomeres sit at the tip of the DNA strand protecting the cell from wear and tear and day-to-day damage. A healthy telomere helps the cell conduct its function better. Essentially shorter telomere = less healthy cell.
Credit: TASSciences.com
In this study, Swedish scientists took blood samples 6 months apart in 49, sedentary and overweight 68-year olds. The intervention group was prescribed to an increased physical activity plan. The sitting time decreased and activity increased significantly in the intervention group – the reduced sitting time was also associated with telomere lengthening in blood cells in the intervention group.
Credit: SuiteNY.com
Standing Desks – An Elixir?
Though, there’s no hard science about standing being beneficial, but standing desks have gained fame as an alternative to sitting and working all day. Though, there’s risk with varicose veins, pressure on back and the spine, corporate America has embraced standing desks with open arms.
A 2014 study that studied 28 sedentary office workers over a period of 4 weeks, indicates that the sit-stand desks helped reduced the sedentary siting time by 21%. The study also found office workers experienced –
Overall sense of well-being, energy, decreased fatigue, had no impact on productivity, and reduced appetite and dietary intake.
I started standing and working for over a year now and have been able to reduce acute back and shoulder aches – usual culprits arising from continuous sitting in front of monitor. I have a make-shift standing desk at home and a proper standing-sitting desk arrangement at work. I have never worked more productively and am pleased with the impact on general well-being so far.
Standing Desk at Home
Though standing desk is not for everyone, I still recommend our readers setting up a temporary standing work station and assessing the impact on their wellness. I stand for nearly 6-8 hours with varying posture and movement included, and sit for 2-3 hours at work and home.
Pre-caution! Issues to Consider
Body Needs Time to Adapt to Standing – If you are not used to stand and work, it will take time getting used to standing and working. When I started initially, my knees after 1 hour of standing. I have built my stamina over a year and I still take frequent walking breaks.
Standing May Not be For You – Many people have a difficultly standing and thinking. They can only sit and work, and despite appreciating the health benefits of standing desks, they are unable to stand and be productive.
Your Feet Will take a Beating – I use a thick high density foam mat to absorb the pressure on my feet. I do move around to ensure I am not putting too much pressure on my feet at a time – the body itself corrects my posture and standing stance.
Side Effect = Varicose Veins & Tight Thighs – I didn’t realize the impact on my thighs from standing a lot. They have become significantly stronger compared to before. Many others have reported an increase in varicose veins, but so far, that has not been a significant problem for me. Yoga really helps reduce the impact on veins and muscles and is critical for posture.
Apparently standing desks, and standing-sitting arrangements are not new adaptations. Some of the greatest thinkers and artists of this world used standing desks – Virginia Woolf, Ernest Hemmingway, Da Vinci, Sir Winston Churchill to name a few.
If you haven’t already tried the standing desk it is worth trying the sitting and standing for at least part of your day. When you are not bound to your seat, it is important to move around. Bodies are meant for motion – not stillness. Treat your body to activity and motion!
The elegance and opulence of Urdu, a composite language native to both Northern India and Pakistan alike – falls like a soft feather landing gently on your ears. The beautiful poetry of Kashmir is ripped by the harsh reality of Kashmiri life – the Indian military protecting its land against the people who cannot seem to make a home in their own land.
If you are unaware about the tragedy called Kashmir – the jannat (translation Heaven) where once Gods lived – watch Haider.
Vishal Bhardwaj (director, scriptwriter, producer and music composer for the movie) is an exceptional storyteller and always ahead of his time. If you haven’t watched Haider – please do so. If you’ve watched it, tell me what you thought of it. I should have watched it in 2014, but I got lazy and watched it this weekend. The story is not leaving my mind, the background humming and the characters are still talking to me.
The sophistication about Bhardwaj’s movies is that they tell the story of the land and the people so politically correctly. Be it Omkara and it’s placement in the interiors of Uttar Pradesh, or be it Haider and it’s positioning in the valleys of Kashmir. Each character in Bhardwaj’s movies is painstakingly sketched, appropriately cast, and perfectly rendered. I honestly feel if Bhardwaj made a movie about the painful subject of “Black Lives Matter” today, he’d do a better job at it than most acclaimed Hollywood directors. He’s stark, he’s real and he’s tasteful.
Credit: Ekashmirtourism.com
In Haider, the Kashmiri locales are dark and almost painted in monotone. The wide angle shots of the carnage leave a deep mark on your psyche. The two angles of the story – the torture and the pain suffered by the innocent Kashmiris at the hands the militants, and the somewhat ruthless tact with which Indian army has to deal with the innocent citizens to protect Kashmir from insurgency. You will see real-life insights into the inside job – militants trained to kill militants, but the only ones who suffered – the innocent Kashmiri citizens.
The story starts with Haider returning to his hometown from college and finding his home annihilated. His father, a doctor who helped saved the life of a militant was caught by the police and the family home razed with bullets. Haider sets out to look for his father – across the mournful Jhelum river, through the silent Himalayan mountains, and the among the orphaned Kashmiris. What he instead finds is a treacherous path to revenge, militancy and hate – a stark reminder that pain and loss can often steer humans to unleash suffering on their own kin. The scene with piles of bodies of innocent children reminds you of the insufferable and immeasurable pain suffered by fellow Kashmiris – be it Muslims or Kashmiri Pandits. We all hurt and bleed the same!
The Perfect Cast
The searing guilt exuded by Tabu – who plays Haider’s mother having an affair with Haider’s paternal uncle, rips your heart. She calls her Haider, her only son – “Jaana” or “my angel, my life”. But her ambitions and desire could not curb her lust for power – she decides to stay with her newfound lover – her politician brother-in-law, instead of being a maternal balm to her crumbling son. Haider and his mother share a difficult love-hate relationship that’s dark enough to make you wonder about the extent of their mental and physical intimacy. The whole subject of the mom-son Oedipus inspired relationship is not in-your-face, but lingers subtly in the back of your mind.
Credit: QZ.com
Tabu is exceptional as always and is probably the only Indian actresses who can deliver the vulnerability of a loving woman and the callous zeal of an ambitious woman with a stroke of unabated perfection. Raja Sen says, “It’s hard to feel affection toward a black widow spider who leaves bodies strung up in her wake—unless Tabu plays her.”
Credit: filmi-world-blogspot
Of course, the movie upped the sexy quotient to the nth degree with Irfan Khan playing the undercover Pakinstani double-agent, who is nothing but trouble.
Haider, aka Shahid Kapoor – poignantly represents the pain and confusion so rampant in Kashmir. His wretchedness is so palpable. Even in the scenes where he makes love to his lover – you can see the invisible dagger of betrayal through his heart. Unable to come to terms with his mother’s affair and his father’s death, Haider’s sensibility and stability slip from under his feet.
Credit: Clickmyindia.com
Agony, longing and revenge are a dangerous concoction. It’s like falling in a dark mudslide – you slip till breathing becomes a burden and your mind and body give up. After all, there’s no cure for vengeance – it never leads to salvation. Without revealing the storyline, Shahid plays the role of a wounded child-man with uncontested honesty.
Shraddha Kapoor – Haider’s love interest, is charming, innocent and pure like life itself. I wish she continues playing in meaningful movies because she has a budding actress buried in her somewhere.
Despite being a adamant nationalist, you will find yourself at least acknowledging the point of view of various stakeholders in this politically charged movie. That is the subtlety of great movie making – you will find yourself thinking about issues beyond the movie.
The Brilliance Named Vishal Bhardwaj
It’s worth mentioning that the maker of the movie, Vishal Bhardwaj is originally from Bijnor, Uttar Pradesh – a state mostly notorious for birthing rapists, criminals and corrupt politicians. Being a proud native of Uttar Pradesh, I have come to believe that Uttar Pradesh rarely produces diamonds in form of people – but when she does, they’re are nothing short of Kohinoor. Case and point – Amitabh Bachchan, Vishal Bhardwaj, Anurag Kshayap, Nawazuddin Siddiqui and many others of the current lot, who are untouchable and unparalleled in their talent quotient.
Bhardwaj is an ardent disciple of William Shakespeare. Many of his movies are an adaptation of Shakespeare’s work. Maqbool, an adaptation of Macbeth, Omkara, an adaptation of Othello, and Haider, an adaption of Hamlet. I imagined Shakespeare’s soul sitting in the audience and marveling the genius called Bhardwaj. I bet he’d nominate Bhardwaj for an Oscar too – but that’s my secret fantasy.
Each of these movies made me think about the human condition – we haven’t stopped conniving, scheming, backstabbing – like crabs dumped in a bucket pulling each other down to rise up and escape. From the times of the Julius Caesar till today – regimes have been toppled and innocents killed – nothing has really changed.
Here are some famous quotes from the Hamlet:
And just because I can get away with it, I added a random gallery of Irfan Khan pictures for my own viewing pleasure!
For all the strides women have made in the 21st century, I have a genuine question for my ladies. If you were earning all the money you needed, would you be OK with your man managing the house, while you made a living for the family? I for one, am a bit stumped.
Balki’s new movie – Ki & Ka, elucidated by own misgivings about stereotypical gender roles. I strongly feel both men and women should contribute to their household income and to the economy by being engaged in financially productive jobs. Based on the family’s needs, either can take a break in their career as needed, returning to the work force when ready. The idea about one partner not working at all, is not feasible anymore for a large segment of the population.
However, would it be so wrong, if a man simply took a backseat, and let the woman be the breadwinner, while he took charge of homemaking – forever?
Credit: AmazingWallpapers.NET
The Backdrop
Ki Ka is new-age love story about the ambitious, status driven Kia – played by Kareena, who falls in love with Kabir – played by Arjun Kapoor, a guy who didn’t care for a corporate career or participating in the workforce at all. They get married as Kia pursues the highest-highs of her career and Kabir continues to take care of the home like a typical “housewife”. Things get strenuous when Kabir gains appreciation for his a-stereotypical role as a supportive husband, causing significant misunderstandings between the couple.
Remember the time when women were expected to be homemakers, they had to curb ambitions for a career, they couldn’t desire limelight as their husbands stole the thunder all the time? Remember the phrase – “behind every successful man, there’s a woman?” Well, Balki turns the concept on its head. Though a feminist husband fully supports his woman’s career ambitions, the woman treats him poorly just like any other petulant man would, in case he was ever pissed off with his homemaker wife.
Credit: AmazingWallpapers.NET
Kia is seen complaining about the coffee, the food not being ready on time, telling Kabir how he lives on her earnings – sound familiar? Things get worse when she’s seen physically abusing Kabir and hurling insults at his one wrong move.
So summary of the movie is as such – the financially dominant person (or provider) in the relationship may abuse the dominion. As we discussed in our blog, financial issues are a leading cause for divorce and strain in adult relationships. Hence, my earlier point – both men and women must contribute financially in a relationship over the long-term, else the imbalance quickly throws the relationship off course.
Is the Movie Worth Watching?
Credit: FinancialExpress.com
Balki has never shied away from controversial love arrangements. My mind keeps going back to Cheeni Kum – where the stalwart Amitabh Bachchan played the smitten lover-boy trying to woo a woman 25 years younger than him. And the audience was enamored because the love and lust felt real. After all who wouldn’t fall for regal and unconventional Tabu?
And then there was Paa, and the soul stirring love between mother – Vidya Balan, the child – Amitabh Bachchan, and the near-absent father played by Abhishek Bachchan. Both Cheeni Kum and Paa were magical movies – perhaps because the cast pulled the character nuances so well.
Kareena, sadly had big shoes to fill. And she fell loud and flat! Kareena continues to channel her inner “Poo” from the Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham days, and frankly, the repeated glamor woman persona is getting too old to entice the audience. Kareena desperately needs an Omkara, Chameli caliber movie to save her lifeless career. Ki Ka does nothing for her!
Credit: The Hindu
Arjun Kapoor is promising, and played the role of a sensitive and loving man with sincerity. He has a long way to go however! There’s a lot of kissing and making out between Kareena and Arjun – but the chemistry just didn’t work. Music too, was insipid.
Rajit Kapur and Swaroop Sampat are well cast as parents. The relationship shared by Swaroop Sampat’s and Arjun Kapoor’s characters is especially tender.
Last Impressions
Ki Ka reminded me of Abhimaan from the 1970s. Arjun Kapoor’s dejection has an uncanny resemblance with Jaya Bachachan’s downcast eyes as she sang “Piya Bina” (translation – without my lover). But that’s where similarities end, because Abhimaan was so well rendered.
In this case, I wish Balki watched and re-watched 1970’s Guide – the Dev Anand and Wahida Rehman movie that challenged gender stereotypes. The movie where Wahida left her husband to pursue a dancing career but was eventually disappointed by her lover Dev Anand, who afforded a living on Wahida’s hard earned money. Guide left me feeling sympathetic to both characters and especially the woman because supporting a man who does not really take a career all that seriously, can be difficult.
Maybe that’s where Balki wants us to dig deep and think why we typically expect men to go out an earn the bread? But Ki Ka doesn’t really help us get there at all. It’s an effort largely wasted.
Bruce Springsteen, a.k.a The Boss, recently stated,
It’s the strongest means I have for raising my voice in opposition to those who won’t recognize the human rights of all of our citizens.
Springsteen recently cancelled his nearly sold-out tour in North Carolina, opposing the now infamous HB2 law or the “Bathroom Law”. The law requires that transgender people only use bathrooms corresponding with their sex at birth. Officials have estimated a loss of $100,000 in net revenue because of the cancellation of the Springsteen concert. Other artists including Ringo Starr, Pearl Jam, and Ani DiFranco also canceled shows in North Carolina in response to HB2. Sadly, the intolerance seems to be growing, with 44 similar anti-transgender bills are being considered in at least 17 US states.
Voice your opposition of discriminatory legislation like #HB2 by contacting your elected officials. Find them here: https://t.co/OBpJsZpXRi
In mid-April 2016, Mississippi’s Governor, Phil Bryant signed the “Protecting Freedom of Conscience from Government Discrimination Act”, allowing businesses and religious organizations to refuse service to gays, lesbians, bisexual, transgenders, couples having sex outside marriage etc. Proponents say the Act protects the religious freedom, as defined in Section 2 of the Act:
“The sincerely held religious beliefs or moral convictions protected by this act are the belief or conviction that:
(a) Marriage is or should be recognized as the union of one man and one woman;
(b) Sexual relations are properly reserved to such a marriage; and
(c) Male (man) or female (woman) refer to an individual’s immutable biological sex as objectively determined by anatomy and genetics at time of birth.”
In other words, businesses in Mississippi can deny basic services such as baking cake for gay weddings, serving transgenders at a restaurant, and hiring bisexual job candidates. The Act, is sadly a sanction to openly discriminate against members of the LGBTQ community, or against couples who may not believe in traditional institution of marriage.
Marc Benioff, chairman and CEO of Salesforce speaks at the Wall Street Journal Digital Live ( WSJDLive ) conference at the Montage hotel in Laguna Beach, California October 20, 2015. Credit: REUTERS/Mike Blake
The tech sector reacted sternly. Companies like Toyota, Nissan, Tyson Foods, and MGM Resorts International opposed the bill. CEOs from several large tech companies like Salesforce, IBM, Microsoft etc, have taken to social media and press meets to openly criticize regressive social steps taken by State Governments in Mississippi, Georgia and North Carolina.
What's the most effective way for you to tell your CEO to speak against N.Carolina & Mississippi's anti-gay laws?
Earlier this month, Georgia’s Republican Governor Nathan Deal stated he was facing increasing pressure from the Tech sector and vetoed a similar “religious liberties” bill.
North Carolina’s Discriminatory Woes
In March 2015, North Carolina had passed a bill allowing magistrates to opt out of performing marriages against their religious beliefs, including same-sex, interfaith, or interracial marriages.
Since then, the Tech industry has relentlessly put the economic pressure on North Carolina. Angie’s List put a $40 million expansion on hold. Salesforce a $4 billion employer in Indiana, applied pressure on the Governor, though the law wasn’t repealed.
Recently in April 2016, PayPal cancelled it’s $3.6 million project in North Carolina, expected to bring in 400 new jobs. 120 companies have signed the petition to repeal the law. Indiana is feeling the pain, with many conferences being cancelled and economic expansion suffering.
When asked about PayPal’s decision about pulling out investment in North Carolina, the disagreeable Governor Pat McCrory stated, “I respect disagreement.”
Progressives across the U.S. are raising awareness and their voice against such discriminatory laws. For example, Sarah McBride posted this picture from a bathroom she’s not allowed to use under the HB2 law.
Unlike Indiana, Mississippi does not have a significant Tech sector presence. However, Mississippi is also one of the poorest American states, with high unemployment and racial strains. Such backward anti-gay laws will not help Mississippi’s economic woes!
Credit: San Deigo Union Tribune
Change is Inevitable
Mahatma Gandhi once said:
Be the change you want to see in the world.
The opposition shown by the Tech Industry is a prime example of using economic power and technological clout for good, an example where Capitalism can be an agent for social change.
The socially liberal Tech companies are challenging the religious intolerance and conservatism in the American heartland and south. Strong messages from the Tech companies about economic consequences might finally propel the much needed social change!
Many years ago, in a faraway land- called Maryland- a girl ‘Minty’ was born to enslaved parents. Three of her sisters were sold to distant farms causing a serious distress in her family. When a merchant approached her father to buy her brother, he resisted resulting in serious violence. But this incident had a great impact on Minty’s life as she learned to resist when being wronged.
Minty refused and resisted and thus endured physical violence causing several permanent physical injuries. Due to severe head wound she suffered when hit by a heavy metal weight, she endured severe headaches, disabling epileptic seizures, powerful visions and intense dream experiences all her life- which she thought were messages from her God. She saw them as divine premonitions which guided her throughout her life.
By 1849, Minty was a young woman and craved for freedom. She decided to run away with her two brothers. Realizing the consequences of being runaway slaves, her two brothers decided to return. Minty had no plans to remain in bondage and was courageous enough to deal with any consequences. Hence, she escaped alone with the help of the Underground Railroad- an informal network of secret routes and friendly houses used by slaves to escape to free states with the help of abolitionists and allies. She traveled nearly 90 miles by foot. During the day, she either hid in the woods or pretended to work for families of friendly houses. She traveled in night for weeks guided by the North Star. Traveling during the night was also not safe as there was a danger of being caught by ‘slave catchers’ and their ‘dogs’ who caught fugitives to collect rewards. With great courage and determination, Minty crossed into the border of free state of Pennsylvania, becoming a free woman.
Within a year of running away from Maryland, she made a secret trip back home to rescue her niece and her two children who were held for sale. Minty, with the help of others, rescued her niece and two children and brought the family to Philadelphia through the secret routes that she knew of. The trip made her more confident and determined to help others.
Around this time, the US Congress had passed the Fugitive Slave Law of 1850 that forced law enforcement officials to assist in the capture of slaves, even in those states that had outlawed slavery. Hence, escaping slavery had become even more difficult and dangerous.
But Minty was not the kind of person who was scared of danger. She was determined to rescue others living in slavery. She made several secret trips and rescued hundreds of slaves. Minty’s work was dangerous. To minimize the likelihood of being caught, she worked during winter months when the nights were cold, long and dark. For her efforts and leadership, she earned the nickname “Moses”.
Minty had an excellent knowledge of support networks and resources and aware of many hiding places. Hence, she was approached by high-profile underground abolitionists as well. As the new Fugitive Slave Law stated that escaped slaves could also be captured in the free states and returned to slavery, that led the abduction of many former slaves living in free states. Hence, Minty started her mission to take the slaves to Canada that did not have any such law.
Several bounties or rewards were offered for Minty’s capture- some suggesting the combined rewards being $40,000- a huge amount by any standard. Yet, despite best efforts made by several bounty catchers, Minty and her fugitives were never captured.
By 1861, Civil War had started in USA. Minty worked for the Union Army and became an armed scout and spy. She was the first woman to lead an armed expedition during the war. She raided and liberated thousands of salves in the South. She was well-known in the Union Army for her recruiting efforts, as most of the newly liberated men went on to join the Union Army during the war.
Despite her bravery during the war and years of government service, she never received a regular salary and denied compensation due to unequal payments offered to black soldiers. She did not even receive pension for her service in the Civil War for many years. Despite her fame and popularity, she was always in a state of constant poverty though she continued her humanitarian effort and gave whatever she could to newly freed slaves.
She died in 1913.
Today, you know Minty as Harriet Tubman.
Last week, US Treasury Department announced that Harriet Tubman will now replace Andrew Jackson on the center of a new $20 bill. Irony is Andrew Jackson, a controversial President of the United States, is known for keeping slaves and played a key role in removing Native Americans from their land. The whole notion that he will now be replaced by a woman who devoted her life to racial equality and women’s rights, is empowering and deserve both praise and celebration.
Way to go Minty!
You will continue inspiring millions of future generations to fight for injustice.
“The risk of a wrong decision is preferable to the terror of indecision,” – Maimonides, Spanish philosopher and astronomer, 1135 – 1204
Have you ever been stuck between a rock and a hard place trying to make an excruciating decision? Well, the 10-10-10 strategy might be of help!
My mentor Leila Modarres, recently told me about Suzy Welch, a business leader and author, on a mission to transform people’s lives by teaching them better decision-making techniques. Suzy is the former editor-in-chief of the Harvard Business Review, and contributor to Oprah’s O Magazine’s work-life column. Suzy is also the mother of four thriving children, and married to Jack Welch – the revered leadership guru and the former CEO of GE.
Suzy breaks down the stickiest and the most conflicting decision-making processes to sheer simplicity, by focusing on an immediate, a medium-term, and a long-term vision of the potential impacts of decision.
It’s called the 10-10-10 method.
Credit: Amazon.com,
The 10-10-10 Method
Here’s the idea, if you were to make a difficult decision, it would be worth thinking about the 10-minute impact, the 10-month impact, and the 10-year impact of the decision. More often than not, the 10-year impact of any decision does not look as bad as we usually fear it to be. Things have their own way of working out despite their immanent ambiguity.
Suzy and Jack Welch, Credit: New York Social Diary
The approach has helped people from all walks of life assess their problems through a different lens. We often fret about the impact of small and large decisions on our lives, sometimes leading to inaction or decision paralysis altogether. Alternatively, our mind thinks through the various permutations and combinations of potential impacts of decisions, leading to a completely muddled future prospect. In the end, we often convince ourselves that a decision cannot be made and abandon the decision-making process altogether.
As Theodore Roosevelt once said,
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
Suzy used the consistency helpful 10-10-10 strategy to make decisions in her own life, and shared the technique in her book titled, “10-10-10: A Fast and Powerful Way to Get Unstuck in Love, at Work, and with Your Family”. She also shares many personal and third person stories in the book, providing examples of ways to employ the 10-10-10 strategy in daily life.
For example, many of us fear walking out of a seemingly difficult relationship. When imagining leaving the relationship – the 10-minute and the 10-month impact may seem painful, but the 10-year impact may seem more manageable and lucid. As long as we can arrive at a reasonable outlook of the future, the 10-10-10 process makes the decision-making easier.
Using 10-10-10 May Improve the Quality of Decisions
Humans depend on the automatic and instinctive ways to make decisions – for example, we don’t actively think about walking, sleeping, laughing and eating, these decisions are made using an auto-pilot decision-making process. We often rely on this same system, a.k.a “the gut”, to make day-to-day decisions. The gut however, is typically incorrect because it is based on survival instincts, previous biases and experiences, and is mostly a lazy tool to make decisions.
However, if we manage to slow down the decision process and try to envision the short-term, medium-term and long-term impact, we can come to terms with a reasonable future outcome. We are able to use the rational thinking process using information available to better gauge potential risks and rewards. The decision ultimately comes from a more centered and mindful place!
In his path-breaking book “Thinking, Fast and Slow”, Nobel Prize winner Dr. Daniel Kahneman stated,
“True intuitive expertise is learned from prolonged experience with good feedback on mistakes.”
In other words, intuition must then mean repeated experience with clear understanding about potential pitfalls. Intuition is therefore, not a snappy way to make decisions, a process that’s biased in the first place.
Our Values Guide Us
Suzy and Jack Welch, Credit: Palm Beacher Magazine
The guiding principle when making decisions in life, is our intrinsic value system. Suzy spends a lot of time in the book discussing the importance of personal values in the 10-10-10 process. This is particularly important for women, who are often struggling with work-life balance, struggling with decisions about choosing a full-time career over prospects of being a full-time mother etc.
What works for one person may not work for another. For example, a career-driven father in his mid-30s may want to slow down instead of taking a promotion to spend more time with his growing children. Another father however, may place value on the additional income awarded from the new promotion, and may be okay sacrificing family time in lieu of the promotion.
And that’s the charm of the 10-10-10 process. Each person can apply the process to help make a decision using their personal values. Two people with disparate values are expected to arrive at disparate decision – and that’s okay! After all there’s no single correct answer to life’s problems anyway.
As Paulo Coelho said,
“Making a decision was only the beginning of things. When someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision.”
Listen More:
Watch Suzy Welch talk about the 10-10-10 process at the Nordic Business Forum.
If you want to learn more about how the mind makes decisions, watch the review of one of my favorite and most instrumental book about the thinking process – “Thinking Fast and Slow” written by the Nobel Peace Prize winner Dr. Daniel Kahneman.
You can also listen to Suzy and Jack Welch on their weekly podcast as they explore questions about business and life management.
Hema Malini is a “Dream Girl” by all accounts – an amazing dancer, a brilliant actress, and a delight for audience of all ages and backgrounds. Tamilians love her because she represents the elite Iyengar clan so well. Punjabis love her because Dharmendra is no longer her husband, and he’s back with his first wife from Punjab! So why all the hate for the beloved Member of Parliament from the Lok Sabha (lower house)?
Hema was elected as an MP in 2014 from her constituency Mathura, the birthplace of Lord Krishna. Sadly, Mathura is in dumps! No real development work happened before Hema took office, nor is Mathura likely to see better days with Hema in office. You see, Hema is an actress-turned-politician, who still has a busy classical-dancing and movie-making career.
Credit: Wikimedia.org
As an FYI, an MP in India is responsible for working with the State Government officials for the development of their constituency. A constituency comprises a group of citizens who elect an MP in good-faith, hoping their constituency will see new jobs and economic progress, very much like the election of Congresspersons in the US.
Hema first said she really didn’t understand why media was hounding her with questions about the mess in her constituency. She stated with great candor,
It’s a state government’s issue, why is everyone after me? Concentrating on the issue is more important than on my tweets at this point of time.
Credit: NDTV.com, Picture shared by Hema Malini from the movie set after Mathura clashes broke out.
Tweets in question showed Hema on a movie set. The tweets set the Twitterati on fire, and Hema was called careless, insensitive and out-of-touch like many other celebrity politicians such as revered Sachin Tendulkar and Rekha. The tweet was deleted and replaced by:
So so upset by ths news frm a place which is so dear to me Will go there again if my presence is required.My heart goes out to the bereaved
Hema also was visibly upset about all the backlash and wasn’t sure why she was called insincere. She vigirously defended herself,
I’m dedicating so much time to Mathura. Sometimes it is days before I even see my family or my house. Im attending to public needs sincerely.
Of course, the issue in Mathura has been brewing for over 2 years, but Hema was not expected to know about this, nor was the State Government. We’re so used to reactive and patchwork politics in Uttar Pradesh, that the reaction is totally understood. In fact, for us UPites to expect anything more from law makers and politicians is like women asking for gender-equality – I mean come on!
In Hema’s defence, the political situation in Uttar Pradesh has been messy for ages – the election of Akhilesh Yadav and family to the Chief Minister’s (CM) office, has made a limited difference in the plight of the common man. From communal clashes, to gang rapes, to widespread corruption, we UPiets have learnt to live with it all.
In interviews, CM Akhilesh Yadav admitted to lapses in police training, security, and agility. 350+ arrests have been made, and ammunition has been confiscated. But will the situation really change despite the acknowledgment? Many have said, CM knew about the encroachment and implicitly supported the activity.
As per expectation, both the CM and the MP will be off the hook as early as next week – life will be back to normal with more classical dance shows and political appearances. Maybe it is time to leave people to do what they know best – for Hema Malini it could mean being a Arts and Culture ambassdor for India than being an MP – a position she doesn’t really seem to care much for.
For the rest of us, no one really knows how the situation in Matura got so messy and in the end it doesn’t really matter. What the incident showcases is how wonderfully the great state of Uttar Pradesh has gone to the dogs. Between the majestic Elephant Parks, burning villages and opulent political scams, I can honestly say – we really don’t care for such a political representation anymore – we the UP junta will survive it all regardless!
Cameron Sterling, Alton Sterling’s 15-year-old son, said at his father’s funeral
I want everyone to protest the right way. Protest in peace, not guns, not drugs, not alcohol, not violence.
Credit: Jonathan Bachman, ReutersCredit: Houston ChronicleCredit: Twitter
These powerful pictures from around the country say it all – we’re heartbroken, we’re angry and we hope the tragedy of the past month, is never repeated in the United States! United States was meant to be the land of opportunity and equality for all – but lately the dream seems so distant. We stand in the aftermath of police shootings that killed two African American men – Alton Sterling in Botan Rouge, and Philando Castile in Louisiana, and the tragic killings of three officers in Baton Rouge, and five police officers in Dallas, Texas.
From President Obama to community leaders to law enforcement officials across the country, the message has been consistent – to make any progress on difficult issues facing the US today – empathy and compassion are key. We all need to walk a mile in the other person’s shoe.
As President Obama eloquently stated, “It’s not us versus them.” A majority of police officers of all races and backgrounds, actively put their lives on the line to protect the communities across the US. Today, there’s confusion and disarray in the minds of many about how we got here – with so much anger, with so much mistrust, and with so much pain.
Added to that is the political rhetoric in the country. Leading political figures openly talk about minority communities as rapists, thugs and opportunists – and there’s widespread support for such remarks.
Credit: Star Tribune
How did we get here, how did we become so divided in our ideology that we find it hard to tolerate the pain of those suffering at the hands of a biased system, those who are isolated from the riches concentrated in the hands of few, those who are constantly turned away when they talk about their alienating experiences?
Statistics Indicate Widespread Disparity
We’re almost the most wealth-unequal country in the entire world (Source: Inequality for All)
From 2005 to 2009, inflation adjusted median wealth fell by 66% among Hispanic households and 53% among black households, compared with just 16% among white households. (Source: Pew Research Center)
Added to these troubling economic disparities are the equally distressing statistics about disparity in the use of various levels of force against minorities in the United States. Here are some shocking statistics that we must face:
African Americans are 3 times more likely to be killed by police than white people
Number of African American people killed by the police in 2016 is 186
30% of the black victims were unarmed in 2015, compared to 19% of the white victims
37% of unarmed people killed by police were black in 2015 despite black people being only 13% of the U.S. population
The number of African American people killed by the police has been steadily increasing:
Given these alarming statistics, it’s worth asking what data says about use of force across racial groups?
What Does Equitable Use of Force Look Like?
In a July 2016, Goff et al (Center for Policing Equity) evaluated 14,731 incidents from the National Justice Database, using a weighted measure of force severity to assess the racial disparities in use of force.
The authors point out that there are conceptual problems “measuring excessive force versus all force, measuring force dichotomously, and measuring force incidents as static rather than dynamic.” We often place a greater focus on cases with rare and excessive use of force – which skews reporting of data. In addition, there’s inconsistent recording of data making it hard to discern the difference in the level of force used, and the context of the entire incident resulting in use of force is often missing. The data in this study, represented a small number of departments and should not be generalized. Given these limitations, the results indicate:
Despite controlling for arrest demographics, there are racial disparities across various levels of force
Despite controlling for very rare occurrences, racial disparities disadvantaged Blacks in at least 25%-55% of the departments
These disparities were robust across multiple categories of force. Taser use was high, which warrants more research.
Results from U.S. Police-Shooting Database indicates “evidence of a significant bias in the killing of unarmed black Americans relative to unarmed white Americans, in that the probability of being {black, unarmed, and shot by police} is about 3.49 times the probability of being {white, unarmed, and shot by police} on average.”
An interactive article from NY Time suggests, out of the 11 high-profile cases caught on video, 5 cases resulted in the inditement of officers. In 4 cases grand juries declined to bring charges. In many cases victims settled out of court and investigations have been pending in several other cases.
President Obama suggested 3 simple steps to improve relations between the police and the communities. Though these seem simple steps, implementation of these steps requires immense trust and empathy between the police and the communities:
Police officers should get to know their communities
Police training needs to go beyond the technical aspects of police work.
Police departments need more resources to implement best practices.
In addition, after the According to President Obama’s 21st Century Policing Task Force Report, there needs to be more trust between the law enforcement agencies and the people they seek to protect by:
Building Trust and Legitimacy
Improving Policy and Oversight
Use of Technology and Social Media
Increasing Community Policing and Crime Reduction
Training and Education of Law Enforcement Departments
Improving Officer Wellness and Safety
Credit: JoinCampaignZero.org
Evaluating Ourselves – Talking about Racism is Difficult
As we continue to evaluate ourselves at the policy and enforcement level, there’s also a critical need to evaluate ourselves at a personal level. Over the last month, I interacted with several friends and family, about the subject of police violence against the African American community, and been dismayed at the polarizing views.
Credit – VincentChapters, London, Black Lives Matter
What’s most heartening is that with each incident of violence against the police and the deaths of African American citizens – women and men of the US protested. We’ve protested against violence, racial inequality, bigotry, racism, policy inertia, personal bias that affect us all. We’ve joined hands, and we are White, Black, Brown, Asian, African America, Hispanic, Native Americans and all other races and faces – this is the picture of true America.
What’s disheartening is that most people find it difficult to talk about “sensitive” racial matters, others feel minorities need to step-up and improve their condition, yet others feel “yelling about racism” doesn’t help because no one listens, and yet others feel America will never change it’s obsession with violence and guns!
How do we ever expect to make progress on these difficult issues, if we don’t step out of our comfort zone and talk about the experience we’ve all been through?
How do we get past the issue of police violence if we do not discuss the issues with race? How do we get past the issue of violence against the police if we do not discuss the issues around gun laws?
At minimum aren’t we all responsible evaluating our own biases and confronting our own demons – what did we all do to contribute to this problem of intolerance?
In my humble opinion, we’re all responsible for the state of our world today, and we all need to step up and make an attempt at ending the hate around us!
When we paint an entire religious group as terrorists, we contribute to religious extremism!
When we paint an entire community of people as lazy, we contribute to ignorance!
When we call an entire race of people as opportunists, we contribute to intolerance!
When we call women a bitch, slut, “maal”, “item”, we contribute to sexism!
(translation: maal and item are Indian slurs for objectifying and degrading women)
And every time we keep quiet when others make bigoted, racists and intolerant remarks – we become part of the problems that face us today.
The onus to protect and stand up for your rights, cannot always be upon the oppressed. The rest of us need to step up and do our part too! Is this the time to whisper about racism, sexism, intolerance and bigotry, or is it the time for speaking loudly and stand with the rest of the citizens demanding justice – be it the minorities who want to be heard and accepted in a society they’ve helped build, and be it the police officials who want to be trusted and appreciated for their contribution to the society.
Credit: AFP
Two important quotes come to my mind in these times of controversy:
The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy – Dr. Martin Luther King
If you’re neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor” Desmond Tutu, Nobel Peace Prize Laureate, Civil Rights Activist
There’s So Much to Look Forward To
As a nation, we’ve come a long way. Our first Black President led the country through times of great upheaval. His administration is likely to give way to the first Woman President. Despite these strides, there are many injustices to be corrected and accounted for.
As a civilized society – the richest country on the earth – we have some hard questions to ask our selves! We need to confront our own bigotry and the urge to write off the suffering of an entire communities of people. We need to ask our selves, what are we doing wrong that got us here? The duty is upon each of us – today and always.
Life’s most persistent and urgent question is
What are you doing for others? – Dr. Martin Luther King
Center for Policing Equity – a research and action think-tank seeking to strengthen the relationship between police and communities through data and informed research.
You honestly have no clue what you’re really doing – whether you’re parenting the right way, whether your darling baby will turn out to be a boon for humankind or an entitled spoilt brat you dare not unleash on the world.
The confusion and distress moms face doesn’t end with the guilt we put ourselves through – am I a good mom? Visit any mommy blog – the conversations reek of unfounded judgement hurled on moms by moms! Breast-feeding moms totally think non-breast-feeding babies have IQ-lower than their smothered b**b-suckers, gluten-free moms totally look down upon moms feeding their doting darlings McDonalds and Pizza Hut, vaccine-boycotting moms totally think other moms know nothing about the relationship between vaccines with autism, sugar-free moms totally think the world’s going crazy because moms feed their babies way too much candy!
Credit: Bad Moms
But here’s what binds all the moms together – our inexplicable devotion and love toward our kids. It’s why we moms push ourselves to borderline insanity – the kids must have the right kind of fooding, clothing, parenting, schooling, after-schooling, tutoring. The result – hyper-stressed moms and children! We all know – there is no perfect way to raise a child. Heck, most of us mostly grew up on our own – through compassionate community parenting and mostly hands-off parenting.
Credit: JustJared.com
Here’s my question to the amazing moms out there – when did we take time off for ourselves to have breakfast at a lovely joint, write or read at a hipster coffee place, splurge on sexy Louboutin – heck even on a sexy bra? Well now is our time, ladies…
Credit: The Guardian
I didn’t expect this latest MOMMY movie by Directors Jon Lucas and Scott Moore (of the Hangover fame), to be plain outrageous fun! Mila Kunis of the 70s show fame is the overworked, underpaid, yet stunning, sane and a devoted mother whose world explodes in a tizzy after she finds her husband cheating online, children behaving like pompous brats, PTA membership ending disgracefully, and a part-time job ending in shambles. The remaining moms in the movie are also dealing with their own troubles, sometimes gracefully and sometimes pitifully.
My absolute favorite was Kathryn Kahn character’s – a loud, trash-talking, outrightly loyal, out-of-control single-mom who wasn’t afraid to paint the town red! Now, we all need a friend like that!
The endearing and out-of-control comedy has just the right amount of heart for mommies and women in general. The story is about finding the much needed support in sisterhood – amongst women who love and support each other without judgement, women who cherish each other’s company and rely on their “sisters” in the most troubled times. Because I am very fortunate to have such amazing women in my life, I strongly endorse the movie! Go with the amazing women in your life and enjoy the movie – and bring the guys along too!
“Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi
Sometimes even the most painful betrayals have their way of bringing us closer to life and love. Gangster – a love story, is an exceptional love story – painted in colors of blue, where lovers seek togetherness, only to realize the meaning of true love beyond mortality.
Anurag Basu is well known for his movie Barfi – India’s Oscar entry for an international movie in 2012. Unlike Barfi, a movie lifted off Charlie Chaplin’s black and white slapstick style comedies, Anurag’s 2006 Hindi movie Gangster is an exception in its own right.
Gangster was debut movie for the four-time National Award winner Kangana Ranaut. A rare find by Mahesh Bhatt, Kangana has been delivering raw and power-packed performances ever since, but Gangster is still one of her best work at mere 17 years of age.
Credit: Glamsham.com
The Passion
The movie tells the story of three lives entangled is love, betrayal, and redemption. Daya (played by Shiney Ahuja), the notorious gangster falls in love with a simple-hearted bar-dancer, Simran (played by Kangana). Unaware of the dangerous, yet addictive lifestyle of gangsters in Mumbai – the unlikely couple is constantly on the run hiding from domestic Indian and international police. Simran, whose only dream is to start a family life, is constantly picking up the pieces of her broken dream as she tries to build a life in dilapidated buildings, isolated apartments, and 5-star hotels.
Credit: Glamsham.com
Love and passion ooze from every scene in the movie. Daya hardly looks up at his beloved, as she is forced to dance around lecherous men to make a living, but when he does the intensity in his eyes is searing. He never makes love to her because they were unmarried, yet passion is palpable in the way their bodies move together.The most romantic dialog in the movie is simply – “let’s go home!” It’s as if the vulnerable girl inside you is waiting for someone to take her home where all promises of the heart are held sacred.
The Betrayal
The movie shot in flashback, shows Simran love lorn, aching for Daya and their adopted child – a family she eventually loses in a gang and police shooting. Daya runs for his life and eventually leaves Simran to deal with the mess called life all alone in Seoul, South Korea. Drowning in pain, loneliness and alcoholism, Simran finds intense reignited passion in the arms of an undercover intelligence agent – Akash (played by Imran Hashmi). Simran falls in love quickly and in a cliched turn of events, Daya returns to find her physically and emotionally involved with Akash.
Credit: Glamsham.com
Ghosts of your past never leave you and life inevitably completes a full circle. The man who couldn’t be vanquished by life, was broken down by the betrayal of his woman. The woman who left the world for Daya but couldn’t make a home with him, the woman who waited endlessly for Daya, but Daya never came back to her for more than a day.
In an ultimate betrayal, Simran calls Akash to discuss her and Daya’s secret whereabouts and to inform Akash about their unborn love child. What unwinds is immense pain and pure carnage. No one wins when good intentions are met with betrayal!
Credit: Gangster Movie Site
Watching Gangster the second time was a bigger treat, you noticed the unnoticed. The smug look in Akash’s eyes when he lays in bed with Simran that was once reserved for Daya – the Gangster he’s out to get at any cost. The disgust in Akash’s eyes for Simran as she passed out inebriated trying to vanquish her misery. The pain and intensity in Daya and Simran’s eyes till the end because they lived their entire lives hoping to consummate their love. There’s only one question I was left wondering about, did Akash never feel love to Simran? Or was he so blinded as an intelligence agent that he felt no compassion for a gangster girl and his unborn child till the end?
The Stellar Performances
Kangana has been a controversy’s child and epitomizes the trials of a modern woman – living with her heart on her sleeve but on her own terms. Her character in Gangster is similar – vulnerable but tough as rock for things she values most – love, her child and her man!
Credit: Glamsham.com
Shiney Ahuja entered the movie industry will accolades and critical acclaim. He was charged with rape in 2009 – though the case ended up turning into a mangled he-said-she-said mess. Having said that, I have to confess as an actor, Shiney had immense potential and I was a big fan of his acting chops.
There’s one thing Mahesh Bhatt does very well, he writes stories about love and betrayal so well – it’s the stuff for suckers for wretched romance. I absolutely loved the blue filters turning Seoul in morose and languish, this movie shreds the heart apart! Women in Bhatt’s movies are typically brilliantly portrayed and Kangana shines bright in her first ever Hindi movie.
The movie closely resembles Monica Bedi and Abu Salem’s (the notorious gangster from Dawod’s gang) romance that went wrong. I found this interviewin Filmfare with Monica so revealing about her spending romantic times with the gangster, getting caught in Portugal and being extradited to India.
The music composed by Pritam is truly soothing and timeless. Bheegi Bheegi is a wonderful rendition of the popular 80’s Bengali song “Prithibi” – originally composed by MG Krosswindz and performed by Bonnie Chakraborty.
Here are links to some of the best songs from the movie:
My family has a love-hate relationship with Strep Throat. Strep seems to love us, and we hate the pain, fever, shivers and antibiotics we’re subjected to when Strep comes along multiple times a year.
The beginning of school year is especially hard on kids and parents. My friends and their kids seem to contract Strep at least once and it’s a miserable time for the entire family. If you’ve ever had Strep you know exactly what I am talking about – yes, this is exactly how we feel – miserable pain when trying to swallow, red and white at the back of the throat, fevers, fatigue and more misery.
Credit: Breadwig.com
This past long-Labor-day-weekend hit with fun and fare, but quickly turned sour when the entire family was stricken with another bout of Strep infection. We just had one nasty infection at the beginning of summer, and about six months ago when the year began. Each round is perfectly aligned with fun-filled weekends, when doctors have lighter, unpredictable schedules and ERs are full of urgent care issues.
Personally, I have immense respect and understanding about the public and personal health dangers of untreated Strep infections – infection spreading to lymph nodes and the ear, and increased risk for rheumatic fever etc. I honestly think any infection affecting the young should be taken seriously and must receive medical attention.
Strep, short for Streptococcal Pharyngitis happens to be a common throat infection in kids between 5 and 15 years of age – comprising nearly 37% (95% confidence interval [CI]: 32%–43%) of throat infections in children of all ages, and about 5-15% in adults. The infection is spread through respiratory secretions and through direct contact with infected persons. A rapid Strep test is administered by the medical staff to validate a Strep infection within 10 minutes. Antibiotics for 10 days are strongly recommended along with proper rest and fluid intake. Viral throat infections are also very common and do not require antibiotics – they get better on their own between 3-5 days on average.
Antibiotics are critical for treating Strep infections and this post in no way seeks to undermine the importance of antibiotics. I am allergic to Penicillin, so Strep is no fun because it is killed best by Penicillin and Amoxycillin. As I was beating myself up for getting the infection, I started looking for alternative home therapies for Strep.
Credit: Cliparts.co
And guess what, I beat Strep in 2 days this time around, without antibiotics, lots of natural therapies and fluids, and immense amounts of rest. My 8-year old almost got over the infection in 3 days even though he had a more advanced level of infection than me – red and white blisters all over the back of this throat, along with fever and trouble swallowing.
I am happy to share what worked for us, and you’re free to try these remedies popular in India and in the West for some time now. If they work for you, please share your experience too.
Step 1 – Clearing Up the Red and White Stuff with Apple Cider Vinegar
The worst part about Strep is the pain when swallowing anything – the inflammation turns the inside of the throat red, and the bacterial growth turns the remainder of the throat white. The experience is plain horrible!
Credit: Bragg ACV
Apple Cider Vinegar, also known as ACV was the magical find of the 2016 Labor Day weekend. I usually have ACV lying around at home and I dislike the smell and the taste despite it being deemed elixir for the gut and general health. I read online (here, here and here) that mixing ACV with warm water and gargling with the mixture clears the bacterial growth. I did not believe it – till I saw it work. We gargled 3 times a day with a small teaspoon of ACV, in half a cup of warm water. I won’t discuss the gory details of what I saw in the bathroom sink – but let me tell you – the throat was clearing in just 1 gargling session! By day 2 I had no more inflammation in the back of my throat, and my kid mostly cleared up most of his infection over 3 days. Best thing – no pain while swallowing after just 1 round of gargling!
Suggested dosage – gargle 3-4 times a day for 3 days
Step 2 – Soothing the Throat with Turmeric, Honey and Milk
Heat up a glass of warm milk (2% is ideal because it’s not too creamy) along with a teaspoon of turmeric. Let the turmeric heat in the milk for at least 1-2 minutes and let the milk cool a bit. Add raw, unheated honey to the mix. I use Tarweed honey brought fresh from the Farmer’s market. It works like a charm to reduce inflammation, soothe the throat, and provide antimicrobial healing powers. This mixture is a must-have for viral throat infections too – a time-tested remedy used in every Indian household.
Suggested dosage – 2 times a day, preferably morning and at bed-time
Step 3 – Clearing the Throat with Ginger and Honey
Strep infection or even a viral throat infection cause coughing and pain. To stop the coughing from getting worse and aid healing, ginger and honey work like a charm. I grate organic ginger, squeeze the juice out and add raw, unheated honey to the mix. The mix is a little bitter like ginger is expected to be, but honey tempers the taste pretty well even for kids. Ginger has a heating effect on the body, so it is important ginger not be taken in excessive quantities – unless your body is used to the heat.
Unlike the West, adding lemons to honey is not recommended in India, especially when you have a cough. Lemons are rich in Vitamin C, but they have a cooling effect on the body, further exacerbating the cough.
Suggested dosage – 2 times a day, preferably morning (after breakfast because ginger is hot for stomach) and at bed-time
Step 4 – Hydrating with Warm Fluids
Water is critical in washing out toxins and infections from our body. It is important to have lots of warm water, soups and broths to keep the body hydrated. When illness strikes, fluids are definitely more important than solids. So keep drinking fluids to nourish and replenish the body’s lost fluids.
Step 5 – Rest, Rest and Rest
Obviously, sickness indicates our body needs rest to rebuild and reignite. So we must catch up on sleep as much as possible, and let the body do its job.
Though I didn’t have to take Ibuprofen to feel better, my kid did need the extra help to feel comfortable and sleep well.
Result
My kid typically takes a week (7 days) to recover from Strep and the active infection lasts nearly 4 days. His active infection cleared up in 2 days and he’s been rapidly recovering since. His total recovery time was 4 days.
I typically take 4-5 days to recover fully, with active infection lasting 2-3 days. My active infection cleared up in 1 day, and I was fine in 2 days. Absolutely fine in 2 days! I even went
I am so glad I didn’t have to do another round of antibiotics this year, and that we recovered well without the usual 48-hour of pain till antibiotics kick into gear. I am very hopeful I can continue putting this remedy to test in future successfully!
(WARNING: Post contains graphic details of violence against women. May not be appropriate for readers under 18).
92 women get raped in India, EVERY DAY. That is one woman every 18 minutes. By the time you get up to the daily monotony of a routine robotic life and are finished with a sumptuous breakfast of toast with peanut butter and coffee, almost 15 women have been savagely stripped off their dignity!
Ever encountered a victim of gang rape? Most of them appear to be corpses, scarred so deep, they scream in their sleep, fear drips from their eyes like floods rampaging onto the streets, sensing a male presence, their hands tremble when they feed off steel utensils and see a reflection of their faces, the horror of being violated is so encapsulating some victims chew off their fingers down to the bone just to distract themselves from the memory of that moment.
However, the idea here isn’t to demonize the entire male fraternity or label all women as martyrs. The attempt is only to pose very inconvenient, difficult to swallow, even harder to accept questions, the bludgeoning weight of the realities and find an answer. To reflect within
PINK drew me to the theater because of the very same reason – the name – PINK. A color that is associated with everything feminine, until very recently before the “metrosexual man” syndrome tried to break these shackles. Personally, I have always been enamored by women in Cobalt blue or striking purple but my proclivities aside, the intrigue drew me to what would lay the bricks to the foundation of this write-up.
The movie is a slap in the face of a society, rinsed in feudalistic fragrance of dominance bestowed upon the men by the mere fact they were men, so hard, it frantically shakes the conscience out of the darkness of convenient ignorance and just drags it by the scruff of the collar, making it come face to face with the realities of the time we live in. A society that lends far more weight to the “bright ” future of a Brock Turner than the dignity of the woman he ravaged and that too when she was vulnerable and could not defend herself.
What have we done ? What have we done to the most beautiful creation of life, after life itself.
The woman, the giver of life, the radiance of our existence, the woman that makes this sinful, evil, imploding world beautiful, the woman that adds colors to the four walls of concrete and makes it a home, the woman that imparts reassurance with her smile, heals with her touch. It will take less time it does to blink to envisage a world without women, because there would be nothing!
It’s a story set in Delhi, the rape capital of India. A distinction it has earned quite easily as it leads the way in reported no of crimes against women. Quite ironic when you think of the fact that it houses the country’s government, literally. The PM, the Home Minister, the cabinet ministers, The President of India, and yet.
If you divide the area of Delhi by the number of women that get raped every year (roughly 40,000), the possibilities are quite high that your next door neighbor has been a victim !
The Movie
3 women Meenal, Falak and Andrea, one night out. Common friends, a group of men and women. Foods and drinks, someone tries to sexually harass one of them. Meenal retaliates in self-defense.
Sounds familiar?
Ever been in a comparable environment? Where the male manager couldn’t resist the constant gaze fixated on your breasts, deviant and deliberately brushing past you, trying to feel you up. A friend at a party who just wouldn’t take a hint after a few drinks, a male companion that would keep making suggestive conversations Or been groped in public? How suffocating and appalling is that feeling?
Men profile a woman’s character based on everything from the color of her lipstick to the length of her dress, the laughter as a response to something comical, to an opinion on an issue. From, the time she visits a club, to the no of male viz-a-viz female friends she has. Everything about a woman, to a man, is an analytical puzzle to decipher her character and the liberties that he could take with her. While she is being warm when she hugs a colleague, his mind is busy calculating the pressure that she applied in the embrace and if that could mean, she was trying to send a clandestine signal.
Sickening ? Profoundly yes.
However, it’s just the tip of the iceberg. Art, culture have all been manipulated to cater to this profiling pedagogy. A Hollywood movie had a dialogue “women don’t wear black lingerie unless they want someone to notice it”. I always thought people dressed up inside or on the out because it made them feel more confident, comfortable and good about themselves but how wrong was I.
The tables are turned when Meenal goes ahead and files a FIR (First information report) after being threatened by the gang of friends of the guy she injured, in self-defence when he tried to sexually molest her.
Can of worms is let open, the rotten filth that today forms the consciousness of the Indian male makes no bones about his shameful presumptions and his belief system that brazenly justifies his actions against a “woman like that”.
A woman today is not just a woman, she’s either good or bad, righteous or characterless, a prospective wife or someone offering sexual gratification for money and men have assumed the responsibility of categorization. If she drinks, smokes, wears a dress that reveals her cleavage, dances in carefree abandon, calls up a male colleague late at night, asks instead of being asked out, suggests a quiet restaurant instead of Pizza Hut to indulge in a meaningful conversation, buys the latest in lingerie line, accidentally shows off her bra straps, is naturally curvaceous and her shirt accentuates her figure, she is easy, is begging for sex, using everything as a ploy so she doesn’t have to spell her feelings out.
Nauseating?
A woman here loses her right to express her dissent the moment she gets married. A woman here loses her right to express her dissent the moment she gets married. As a society we are still debating the merit of marital rape, robbing millions of women who are exploited in the name of matrimonial compunctions.
So, the cross questioning in the court room begins when the ladies are charged with attempted murder, extortion, and prostitution. Meenal’s sexual history is discussed, Falak is tortured into submission and subsequently coerced into accepting they were sex workers, Andrea is compelled to emphasize she is from North East, hence the natural invitation to the advances Men are shown the mirror, they confess to her branding a “randi”, because she was “friendly”, accepted drinks and showed interest. The next door neighbor, who could be like any Uncle we might have known for years, that testifies to their promiscuity and debauchery because the girls used to “come late at night”, and had “male friends” over!
The movie is for the men to take back a moment and introspect, to what they have done to the women, how each one of us aided in the victimization since childhood. How we never stood up to our fathers the first time he raised his voice against our mother. How we married out of love and swore to sharing the burdens and yet slept peacefully expecting her to prepare the breakfast and dinner, how we laughed at a sexist joke sitting in an all-boys group, how we conveniently called someone a whore when we first encountered a gossip around her sex life, how we refused to help a stranded lady in the night because at that hour how could a “good” woman be present there, how we tried to rub our arms against a female colleagues breasts in a crowded space, how we told our sisters not to stay out with a boy after 8 while we were out post-midnight.
The questions are endless and get more embarrassingly ugly as you descend deeper into the introspection. Apathy against women has so many heads like the hydra, from female infanticide to inequality in pay. The movie just broadly paints the canvass and incessantly hits home the point that any possible hope of corrective or correctional retreat has to begin from men, while women are empowered, laws are made stricter, investigations are made fairer, society more compassionate.
The elitism around sexual harassment of women is as dangerous as the violation itself. “It only happens in rural, backward areas, in most cases men are uneducated.” The skewed sex ratio, the significant difference in testosterone and estrogen levels, lack of sex education. While scientifically all of these could be debated endlessly but are women raping men in same numbers when the maths is tilted in their favor? No, this decadence is a resultant of deliberate ignorance to teach the next generation the value of values, while we push them for academic excellence.
To honour, honour and not conquest. To respect a woman’s choices, as much as yours. Having no demarcations between what’s masculine or a man’s prerogative or feminine. To tell the boys that before you become a software engineer you ought to become a man that would fight for the injustice to any woman on the street, shall commit to respecting a woman irrespective of all your prejudices if there in, never to objectify her, judge her or weigh her against any moral compass, deal with her anger in most humane, kind manner, consider it sin to ever raise a hand, be proud of her, never ashamed to work under her or to earn less than her, to encourage and motivate all her aspirations and not be threatened by them, to see the beauty in her dreams. Yes, the time is here when we tell our boys, respecting a woman is the foremost quality of a real man!
Pink isn’t any more or less feminine than Black. She makes the colors look good and the clock doesn’t run in the opposite direction. There is no rationale or reason to why men treat women the way they do. It’s a sense of entitlement that has never been challenged or questioned. The movie does both and does it with an unapologetic aggression and realism.
The movie ends with a definitive beginning, hopefully,one that shall be imbibed by the society one day. It doesn’t matter if she was a sex worker or your wife or anyone else in between, NO means NO.
A road less traveled – a phrase I’ve always been infatuated with…
Can you pinpoint a moment in your past where you had to make a decision that may have altered your life. I can pinpoint several of those decisions that intentionally or unintentionally altered my path. I didn’t think my decisions were very big at the moment or maybe they were and I didn’t give a hoot back then. On certain occasions, I remember the movie “Sliding Doors”, a concept packed with an impactful dose of reality about the essence of one small incident, one small decision, one minuscule difference in calculation of timing, that changes many things in life.
When my friends pursued majors like engineering and science, I explored my creative potential; which to some Indian parents is a code for, “It’s time to get her married!” Oh, and what line up of suitors that followed thereafter. Slowly but surely surely line of events that happened or as my parents would like to think, “I followed a potential groom path” led me to continue my second bachelors. That was a year when most of my friends had decided to get married or start a family, while I continued to make conducive choices to enhance my eccentricity, a creative journey from agency to corporate America.
Just when you get comfortable, life loves to add it’s own flavor of challenges by throwing a wrench in your balmy breezy life. About ten years back, my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. After several disturbing phone calls and horror ER stories, it made more sense to have my parents move in with me. As you may have guessed it, sharing living space has multitude corollary. It started with a sense of safety and some extra-special attention from loving grandparents for grand kids (my brother’s children) followed by not a so harmonious blend for an independent woman and somewhat dependent parents.
A personality disorder confession, I have OCD!
One of my dear friend calls me “Monica” from friends for inheriting her OCD to the T! Having a set of parents share the same living space, had me consumed with thoughts and sometimes literally following them around the house with sanitizing wipes and a broom. I was in no way willing to share space with dust and food crumbs more than I had to.
My mom was still a bit functional back then, so we decided to rotated her routine among dad, my brother and myself. At that time, we didn’t realize what this decision would do in the long haul. We would often pass out every night, only to be woken up by some strange noise calling my name or having a conversation with me. Freaked out of my wits, I would jump off my bed to realize my mom had wondered off to the neighboring bedroom, which would be mine. I would gently coax her to bed and wait till she was sound asleep. I vividly remember that Thanksgiving eve when Dad and I decided to go for a midnight shopping spree and my brother stayed over to watch our mom. Poor guy, was up all night thinking mom would run away…talk about turning the tables on your kids.
As the years progressed her brain began to dim, it’s been almost 6yrs since she wondered off to my bedroom. My frail mother has been completely bedridden, she requires two bodies to support her weight for all her daily routines. There was a time she would recognize the sounds of her family members and would grow anxious when we were not around, now, we are just white noise for her. When both my brother and I were kids, mom would watch over us while we slept silently. These days while doing my morning routines, I often catch myself standing by the door watching her chest move…sometimes, it would take a few seconds and sometimes, a fearful feeling would overcome to instantly move her big a$$ comforter only to realize that it had absorbed all her minuscule movements.
Overtime, we gave in and got a professional help. Needless to say, my place is a revolving door for doctors, physicians, neurologists, therapists, social workers…and the list goes on. Yes, I learned to accept sharing space with a few stipulates that all medical personnel either remove their shoes and wear gloves. So when they ask me, “Shall I remove my shoes?” I give them two choices “your socks or my booties”.
While sipping my wine, I often reflect back to the years of my suitors – what would my life be had I chosen the much expected path back then.
I picture myself as a blond and a brunette living two lives simultaneously. One as an freaking awesome helicopter mom bonded with sheer adoration with my babies, enduring their tantrums, boogers and diapers. And another as a career woman embracing her passion for creativity.
Wait, am I not doing that as is? I am in some ways a mother to my parents and my little dare devils in form of niece and nephew. Simultaneously, I am a career woman pursuing her creative passion not just in my career but other activities…
Dancing that has been my emotional outlet
Crossfitting has been my an avid stress reliever
Making jewelry has been therapeutic
Teaching undergrads has been pragmatic
Gardening has been fruitful labor
Alzheimer fundraiser activists has been purposeful
Channeling my positive energy through bonds of love, my support system consisting my dear family who intimately handle mom’s medical/legal/physical necessities and close friends who whisk me away to exotic locations for a getaway.What more can I ask for? I am utterly grateful for their imprints on my life for guiding me through this less traveled path.
My path may have been less traveled, it is the direction I am on, and I choose this path of happiness and content life surrounded by love.
If you are wondering, I am still not married! As for my OCD, I learned a few more tricks over the years, by simply plastering sanitize wipes along the crumb magnets. Trust me is lot more easier to pick them versus the tiny crumbs. As for being a blond, I already had a few years of blond highlights.
Raped every night by her second husband, molested on the orders of her first fiancé, treated as nothing more than a political object, had her father executed in front of her, has lost contact with almost her entire family…and all this started when she was merely 13 years old.
Welcome to the tragic life of the beautiful Lady Sansa of House Stark.
Sansa Stark is the eldest daughter and second child of Lady Catelyn and Lord Ned Stark, two of the only good, loving parents in Game of Thrones. House Stark is the house of nobles that rules over Winterfell, a cold and snowy place in the North.
Everything changed for the Starks when King Robert (the ruler of all Seven Kingdoms, of which Winterfell is just one part) came to ask Ned to become the next Hand of the King (sort of like a prime minister).
Ned Stark was an exceptionally honorable man and not the least bit interested in power and politics, but he accepted his friend’s request. So, the Stark family had to leave Winterfell and go to King’s Landing – the capital of the Seven Kingdoms.
It is in King’s Landing that Sansa becomes betrothed to Joffrey, the Prince and heir to the throne.
However, this being Game of Thrones, nothing ever stays happy.
Prince Joffrey is revealed to be a sadist in every sense of the word. He enjoyed sexually abusing women, torturing little animals, and killing people, but he initially pretended to be a gentleman in front of Sansa.
Sansa was one of the most hated characters at the start of the show due to her spoiled attitude and naiveté. But one should remember that in the beginning, she was just a little girl who had grown up listening to songs about heroic princes and fair maidens; she had been raised to be a “proper lady” with perfect etiquette. Therefore, Sansa was beyond excited to marry Prince Joffrey and bear his children, much to the annoyance of her feisty little sister, Arya.
Oh, Sansa, if only you knew what you’d been signed up for. Not before long, everything went wrong.
Queen Cersei and her twin brother, Jaime Lannister, were having an affair. Everyone thought Cersei’s three children, including Joffrey, were from the King, but they were actually Jaime’s.
While they were visiting Winterfell, Cersei and Jaime were spotted in a tower by Sansa’s younger brother, Bran Stark. In order to hide their incestuous relationship and save their bastard children, Jaime pushed tiny Bran off the tower, permanently paralyzing his legs.
(Note: a bastard is a child born outside of marriage.)
Eventually, Ned Stark discovered that Joffrey was a bastard born of incest and not the true son of the King. Cersei consequently arranged for Ned to be arrested and her husband King Robert to be killed while hunting. On his death bed, the King told Ned to be the king regent until Joffrey came of age. This royal decree was unacceptable for Cersei, who wanted her family alone to hold the power, so she tore up the paper with the command.
Joffrey promised Sansa that if her father confessed to treason (even though Ned obviously never tried to steal the throne), Joffrey would spare his life.
However, once Ned made his confession, Joffrey instead had him executed, right in front of Sansa’s eyes. The horror did not stop there: Joffrey then had Ned Stark’s head put on a spike and forced Sansa to stare at it.
When Robb Stark, Sansa’s elder brother and Ned’s eldest son, heard of his father’s arrest and subsequent execution, he gathered their army and declared war against the Lannisters and the throne. Now, it is important to establish that Sansa and Arya were Stark children living in King’s Landing, where most of the Lannisters were.
When Robb and his army decided to fight and avenge his father’s death, Sansa became the hostage of Cersei/House Lannister/the throne.
(Arya would’ve been a hostage too, but she was disguised as a little boy and escaped – to be discussed in a separate post).
All of that was just some background information to better understand the story. From here on out, let us focus on Sansa specifically, and her blossoming into a strong, intelligent woman.
As a hostage, Sansa became a mere toy for Joffrey, who was now the official King of the Westeros, to torture. When King Joffrey found out that Robb Stark had turned against the throne, he punished Sansa for her brother’s “treason”.
Joffrey ordered his knight guard to disrobe and beat up Sansa in court
Luckily, before things could get even worse, everyone’s favorite dwarf, Tyrion Lannister, entered the court and saved the day. Who doesn’t love Tyrion?
Afterwards, Tyrion asked Sansa to truthfully tell him whether or not she wanted to get out of her future marriage with Joffrey. Knowing that disloyalty to the crown would get her killed, Sansa lied spectacularly, announcing that she was still loyal to King Joffrey, her one true love. Even witty Tyrion was impressed and noted that her intelligence may be the one thing that would keep her alive.
This absolutely didn’t mean that Sansa actually supported Joffrey. It just meant she had to oppose him in more subtle ways so that she would not have her head chopped off. In fact, by feigning submissive stupidity, she once tricked him into going where the fighting would be the thickest in battle, knowing that he had the highest chance of dying there.
We also see her presence of mind during Joffrey’s naming day tournament, where knights have to duel. One of the knights, Ser Dontos, showed up late and drunk. This infuriated Joffrey, who ordered Ser Dontos to have wine shoved down his throat until he died. Sansa’s compassion and intelligence came to the rescue when she cleverly suggested that Ser Dontos didn’t deserve the mercy of death and should instead be made a jester in Joffrey’s court. In this way, she saved Ser Dontos’s life, for which he is grateful.
Sansa’s days in King’s Landing continued to be filled with loneliness and sorrow. She was even molested and nearly gang raped in the streets.
Some hope appeared for Sansa, when Joffrey put her aside to marry another Lady. But Game of Thrones is not known for happiness. Sansa’s freedom was short-lived, as Tywin Lannister, Tyrion’s father, instead decided to make her marry Tyrion, who is much older than her.
In a male-dominated universe, Sansa had no choice in the matter; her and Tyrion become engaged shortly thereafter. Tywin tells Tyrion that they need Sansa to birth his child. He orders his son to impregnate her “one way or another”, implying that if needed, Tyrion should rape Sansa. But being a decent human being, Tyrion refused to commit such a sin.
In fact, the night that they are supposed to consummate their marriage, Tyrion felt so bad for Sansa that he promised he wouldn’t even touch her until the day she asked him to.
Though Sansa has some happy moments with Tyrion, her world once again flips upside down when her brother Robb and her mother Catelyn are viciously slaughtered at a wedding dinner on Tywin Lannister’s orders.
To all the vocal people who view Sansa as weak, put yourself in her shoes. She was married to a man whose family chopped off her father’s head, stabbed her brother in the chest and sewed his wolf’s head on his body, and cut her mother’s throat to the bone. She had no friends or family in King’s Landing, and she was still essentially a hostage.
On the celebration day of Joffrey’s marriage with Lady Margaery, he drank poisoned wine and died within minutes. While this seems like good news, everyone thought Sansa and Tyrion were the ones responsible (though they were actually innocent).
Tyrion was arrested, but Sansa escaped with the help of Lord Petyr Baelish, the most cunning mastermind in Westeros.
He was in love with Sansa’s mother, and it appears that he is now in love with Sansa (weird, I know).
After spending some time disguised as Petyr’s niece “Alayne”, Sansa was once again sold off to a man. Petyr had brokered a marriage alliance between Sansa and Ramsay Bolton, a bastard who had recently been legitimized. Ramsay’s father, Roose Bolton, was the one who put a dagger through Robb Stark’s heart. After his death, the Boltons took over Winterfell.
If most of us were in Sansa’s place, we probably could not even stand to look at the man who stabbed our brother. But with all her tenacious drive and graceful dignity, Sansa faked a smile and curtsied.
The one good thing about this situation was that at least she got to return to Winterfell, her one true home.
Naturally, Sansa was not a fan of the fact that her home had been invaded by outsiders, particularly the people who murdered her family.
If you thought Joffrey was bad, wait till you get to know Ramsay Bolton. He put up a facade of being a nice guy up until him and Sansa proclaimed their marriage vows.
On their wedding night, Ramsay raped Sansa, while forcing her childhood friend, Theon Greyjoy, to watch her lose her virginity. Ramsay then kept Sansa in a room all day and raped her every night. When her and Theon escaped, Ramsay set his man-eating hound dogs after them.
There are some who argue that what happened to Sansa on her wedding night was not rape, as she never explicitly said no. Because sexual violence against women is still prominent in modern society, it is crucial to establish that if a girl is clearly anguished and hesitant to have sex, you should not force yourself on her. Sansa was in undoubtable distress, and to diminish the severity of the violation of her virginity is an injustice to her character and rape victims.
Sansa, who had not seen any of her family members for years at this point, was eventually reunited with her elder bastard brother, Jon Snow.
Because Jon was raised as Ned Stark’s bastard son, Sansa was always mean to him when they were younger. But now, after everything that both of them have been through (Jon is one of the main characters of Game of Thrones), they have nobody but each other.
Finally, a moment of happiness!
Regaining some of her spirit after Jon’s arrival, Sansa told him that they should take back Winterfell. It belongs to the Starks, after all, not the treacherous Boltons. But Jon had spent the past few years fighting devastating battles as the Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch, and he had lost many people close to him. He didn’t know if he had the strength to fight a war to regain Winterfell.
In a testament to her willpower and independence, Sansa said that while she wanted Jon’s help to take back their home, she’d do it herself if she had to.
Once Jon got on board, they started rallying other, smaller houses to their cause.
Sansa became frustrated when her brother did not ask for her opinion on what to do, considering she had a keen political mind after learning from strategists like Petyr Baelish. More importantly, she knew Ramsay Bolton better than all of the men there.
They later found out that Ramsay had taken their youngest brother, Rickon Stark, hostage.
Though Sansa’s advice on how Jon should not do anything Ramsay wants him to do seems obvious to both Jon and the audience, she ended up being right. During the climactic battle at Winterfell, Jon fell right into Ramsay’s mind trap (he used Rickon to lure Jon out, knowing Jon could never resist trying to save his little brother). Just when it seemed like the Bolton army was going to win, Petyr Baelish showed up with his knights to help – only because of Sansa.
Thanks to her, Winterfell once again became the home of the Starks.
And what became of her tormentor, Ramsay Bolton, after he lost the battle? Well, throughout his life, he had always enjoyed watching his hound dogs eat people alive…
In an ironic form of poetic revenge, Sansa unleashed Ramsay’s own hounds on him.
Sansa Stark teaches us the value of perseverance, that we are not just strong despite our struggles; we are also strong because of them. Though she started off a spoiled brat with delusions of chivalrous knights and princes, her struggles hardened her into a clever individual who no longer believed in fairy tales – all while retaining the graceful honor she always had. Sansa shows that even in a world as patriarchal as that of Westeros, just because a girl is ladylike does not mean she has no resolve. Even now, femininity is usually seen as a form of weakness. Many people believe that fortitude only lies in physically powerful men or assume that “masculine women” are the only tough females in the world, but these are inaccurate conclusions. Dismissing a more understated type of resilience because it is different than what society projects as “toughness” would be sheer ignorance.
Masculinity since pre-historic times has always been defined for a man, a virtue that was a function of his physical strength, bravado, courage under fire, ability to galvanize many other men under his leadership for attainment of a common cause – chiefly acquisition, land, wealth , crown, throne, stature or any raised societal pedestals.
Times changed, women who forever took the back-seat on all decisive matters began to express themselves. This expression was and continues to still be met with both aggressive and passive remonstrations. In the era of globalization, the world became a much violent place. The violence emanated inside our homes and spilled on the streets and then eventually the psyche of nations. The confrontation between a man burdened with historical sense of superiority and a woman that had begun to break free from the chains of subservience led birth to what the modern day world calls as the “feminist movement”.
This dynamism saw women come out of their shells and conquer every single discipline that until then was a given male bastion. From education to administration, governance, politics, science, religion, medicine, defence, and to policing. You name it and women began not only conquering the frontiers but pushing the envelope all around.
However, with the progress of the opposite gender came abundance of insecurity, and fears of the male fraternity. As their assumed or transcended sense of superiority lay visibly diminishing, the suppressed frustration of witnessing the same came to the forefront and begun fighting back. The war cry of going back to things “as they were” grew louder and louder in these circles. Men felt threatened. Their “masculinity” was at stake. They couldn’t bear to play the role of a “woman” that she had played for centuries. So, first began the ideological warfare. She can’t, she won’t, she shouldn’t, and then catapulted itself to the physical manifestation of it in the most grotesque form, sexual attacks, harassments, abuse, domestic violence, rapes and gang rapes, acid attacks, gender inequality at work place. Men stooped to levels and hurt her when she was most fragile, carrying a child in her womb that was both his and hers. Nature had clearly sought this as a moralistic superiority of a woman, else a man could bear a child too, but travesty lay in the truth that man took this as an opportunity to assert his manhood.
Credit: Thomas Hawk, Link: flickr.com/photos/thomashawk/7909553100
Many independent women with flourishing careers pushed their personal dreams to raise a child and what should have been viewed as the ultimate sacrifice and repaid with a lifelong commitment of respect and unflinching support, sadly slipped under the rug of patriarchal prejudices, as to why the woman wasn’t doing BOTH! Raising and earning and yet being second to the husband.
Religion, which has always been the most potent weapon of creating a wide spread hysteria and reaffirmation of diktats was conceptualized and promulgated, supposedly by men. Since all restraints, rules, and dogma propelled can rationally be demystified to have created a boundary for HER!
She couldn’t enter temples and mosques, she shouldn’t pray during her menstrual cycles, she should not have a choice on her own pregnancy , she should always walk behind a man, her existence is complete only if she bears a child, she should be laid on the funeral pyre on her husband’s demise and innumerable other ritualistic regressions.
Religiosity coupled with age-old traditions of viewing man and woman in non-fluidic, rigid roles affected even the most aware and conscious minds.
While growing up in an environment with both parents as working, even as children we knew what were the things we were supposed to be looking at our mothers, which was almost everything. It was a subconscious understanding that school uniform, washed and ironed was her duty, food on the table was her responsibility, staying up when we were sick was primarily her job. We held our fathers accountable for less or nothing. Our mothers too, walked through life in perpetual acceptance of their place in the society.
So, it brings me to the most important question, who is a real man today?
Or what does one do to become a real man in a world that’s fighting with itself mostly to define or redefine those standards.
And it is solely my opinion that I state here that to begin with, there has to be clear understanding acceptance within men that there could be no talk of equality, because women were cosmically configured to be a superior design. Not every woman wants or needs to be a mother but that doesn’t take away the fact that its only HER that has the power over the future of the entire human race. Men counter this argument that a zygote is formed only when the sperm fertilized the ovum and hence the equality. No, the ability to carry a woman ends with the man donating his sperms, that too during an act of pleasure. What follows next was a capability enshrined upon her and her alone. So the abject renunciation of that argument.
All further understanding on the matter stems from this fundamental acknowledgment. Once acknowledged I think, a certain headway could be made in the matter.
Respect
First, a real man has respect for ALL women. Beginning from his mother, the first woman he encounters after birth , to his sister, aunts, cousins, the house help, the school mates, the teachers, the girl he likes, the woman he falls in love with, the lady he marries, the co-worker he works with, the stranger on the street. ONE and ALL.
A real man has real respect. Respect can be a very superficial thing. Wishing a lady as ma’am is also a form of respect but his respect shouldn’t ever be restricted to that. Real respect lies in patience, politeness, civility, acknowledging the woman’s perspective wholeheartedly, extending utmost attention to her need, want or expectation. Respecting her decisions, choices with an open heart and a lot of dignity.
Responsibility
A real man should understand that being a man also encompasses the responsibility of looking out for the women. Women don’t need protection or have to be salvaged but to reverse the status quo on matters a man would have to proactively take on responsibilities that are assumed to be hers. Making food, doing dishes, children homework, staying up with them when they were sick, grocery shopping, planning holidays etc and doing this not as an EXCEPTION but as a routine as she has been doing with an infectious smile all her life.
A real man would always let the women in his life know; he stands with them in all their decisions. He believes in their dreams and aspirations and is forever willing to make any and all sacrifices for the same, as she has been doing for men all her life.
Humility
Humility and honor should be his driving principles and he should rise above insecurity. A more qualified partner, that is financially better placed than a man, should be a matter of pride and not insecurity and acrimony. Women have long marveled in the spotlight being a wife or mother or sister or girlfriend of successful, famous men . It’s a real man’s test of character to extend the same sense of attachment and belonging while he continues to aspire for his own goals in life.
Intolerace for Violence
Real men have no tolerance for violence against women. Inside the domestic circuit, no matter how strenuous relationships get or acidic the environment become, its for a real man to hold his sense of calm and never ever report to physical, mental or verbal violence to underscore his argument. The same should hold true in all spheres and walks of life, work, social and elsewhere.
The real man will see the inner and physical beauty in the woman he claims to be in love with. Women don’t need affirmation because they are crafted for elegance, but it’s a nice feeling to know that your man feels you are perfect and exude radiance. He will be as smitten by her at 60, as he was at 30 and shall always let her know, that she was a blessing in his life.
Pen ultimately, the real man shall never lay claim on what rightfully and morally belongs to her, her time, her emotions, her belongings, her body. It’s one of the most important virtues that define a man, How strong you are in times of her rejections, her aloofness , her slipping into her shell without a wavering of your own emotions of love, fondness, attraction, loyalty, respect you have or had for her!
Real
Lastly, a real man, is REAL. He is a mortal too, he is burdened to prove extra because so many before him have left such a bad taste in the mouth, its hard to believe, he is the one, harder to trust whenever he has inadvertently made a mistake, everything for him is thrice as difficult now, as it could have been. A real man will take all of this in his stride, fight the realities and not the woman, accept her in all her forms because it was his commitment and not hers, not demand reciprocity because he didn’t when he first set out to become a man.
Let feminist not be a way of defining a woman, let’s all of us be feminists!
This isn’t a blog on relationship advices. There are many other facets to relationships across men and women and women also play a role in the success and failure of them, neither its an attempt to declare women as martyrs or demonize all men.
It’s just one man’s journey and his realisations, broadly painted on how to become a real man in a world that is shadowed by so many dogmas’, driven by convenience and propelled by diktats that somehow thwart a woman’s growth and the changes he could incorporate to ensure the balance is shifted towards the most beautiful creation of life!
November 8, 2016was a clear vindication for 26.3% of Americans who voted for Donald Trump, with a lingering hope to “Make America Great Again”. Liberals refused to vote for the presumed-dangerous-protectionist-promises and rampant insults Trump doled throughout the most contentious election campaign in recent American history.
Sadly, liberals are now gasping for meaning and licking their wounds in disbelief. Not only did Hillary Clinton lose, Democrats were nowhere close to winning the Senate back. Instead of teaching the GOP a lesson about the changing demographics in a supposed liberal America, the rug was just pulled from under our feet, as liberals were forced to confront the truth about the true American political ideology! How did Hillary Clinton – the solid candidate of the two, with a stellar public-service career and a strong lead heading into the election, lose at the scale she did?
As Democrats across the country are trying to make sense of this colossal American tragedy, many questions linger in our minds:
Was America ever ready for a woman President?
Did the email scandal of a woman candidate matter more than all the sexual assault allegations of a male candidate?
Does the public shaming of a woman candidate by calling her a “nasty woman” in a national debate not a turn off for all women in America?
Did the white women voters care more about their race than their gender in this election?
Could the pre-election results grossly overstating support for Clinton have resulted in a low Democratic turnout?
Would Bernie have been a better candidate for Democratic party after all?
And most importantly, are we more divided as a nation after this bitter and ugly election, and what does Trump’s win mean for liberals across the country?
As racist attacks across the country have continued growing, protests against bigotry, white nationalism, racism and hate against minority groups have been particularly dominant in blue states.
The “1 Million Women March” is already scheduled for the Inauguration —and will be executed with real skill. There will be “sister” marches around the country—in LA and elsewhere. They need to be coordinated and orchestrated. And then? 1 Million Muslims? 1 Million Latinos? What would keep the momentum alive and keep the message going?
John Stewart, however had a slightly different take on the elections and makes a valid point about liberals who have largely painted all Trump supporters with a broad brush. He says,
I don’t believe we are a fundamentally different country today than we were two weeks ago. The same country, with all its grace and flaws and volatility and insecurity and strength and resilience, exists today as existed two weeks ago. The same country that elected Donald Trump elected Barack Obama.
The confusion and the inability to latch on to a strong Democratic leader, has left liberals in a disarray, yet optimistic about working harder toward attaining liberal values. After all, one of the greatest Democratic leaders of our time, President Barack Obama stated,
Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.
San Francisco, the city known for inclusion, diversity, progressive values has hosted many peaceful demonstrations since the 2016 election results were announced. Regardless of the political side we choose to support, it is always a proud moment for the American democracy, when people of all cultures, races, genders and ages voice their passionate opinions in an open forum.
For liberals, maybe nothing changes for the next four years, maybe things get much worse before they get better. But we must still keep trying to spread the message of hope and dispel the fear! We are in this together and we must continue hoping and working toward a more inclusive tomorrow for our children.
I am sharing pictures from a peaceful rally on November 19, 2016 from Civic Center to Embarcadero, where 100s of people marched with their children, friends and family:
“Bachpan mein jab rona aata hai Toh bade kehte hain: aansu pocho Jab gussa aata hai Bade kehte hain: Give us a smile taaki ghar ki shaanti bani rahe Nafrat karna chahte hain to Ijaazat nahi thi Tab jab hum pyaar karna chaahte hain, to pata chalta hai Ye saara emotional system hi gadbada gaya Kaam nahi kar raha, cannot function! Rona, Gussa, Nafrat Kuch bhi khulkar express nahi karne diya Ab pyaar kaise express karein?”
Gauri Shinde is probably one of the few female protagonists amidst mainstream filmmakers whose heroines are far from being restrained by men. She made English Vinglish, which was inspired by the story of her mother. Her magic continues with Dear Zindagi that is inspired by life, connections in life and their impact on us.
Dear Zindagi is a simple story of a young woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown. The story also highlights numerous clichés like 9-5 jobs, annoying regressive relatives, hesitation of accepting a gay child, the undeniable expectations from unmarried girl, best of all – stigma of seeking a therapist. Say, what “A Therapist?”
A simple story with beautiful life coaching dialogues to complete life’s puzzle! Ones you get past Alia’s uneven eyeliner and her insecurities, you start experiencing life through her eyes.
Alia Bhatt plays the character of Kiara, an aspiring cinematographer cruising through life’s icebergs, who thinks she knows better than the directors she works under, and is in search of a picture perfect life. Her topsy-turvy love life ends before it begins. Kiara, at times comes across self centered, whiny and irascible mess. She claims to hate relationships till she meets linen-clad unconventional therapist too good to be true. A therapist, who tinkers with bicycles, plays kabaddi with waves on the beach and has numerous misfit chairs in his gypsy-style office. The therapist likens trying out lovers to a hunt for the perfect chair through fleeting seats.
There is much joy in dialogues.
If you are a fan of Shah Rukh Khan narrating the life coaching lines, this is a film for you! For those who have already judged the movie based on the pairing, you are in for a surprise. Alia Bhatt plays the character true to her personality – quirky, empathetic, but a slightly messed-up person. She is upset, angry, heartbroken and happy in a relatable way only she can be. Both Alia Bhatt and Shah Rukh Khan work exceptionally well together, with her gamine grin which falters when she remembers something troubling, and his twinkly come-to-me-and-it-will-all-get-better vibe.
The supporting cast, embodied with Alia dating men with contrasting personalities, whose perspectives on life eventually reflect in her short film she is making.
Kunal Kapoor is a pumped up film producer with a man-bun and a high-fashion look. Alia’s petite size enhanced his built up physique and height.
Ali Zafar plays a brooding rock star with interesting tattoos, is as passionate about love as he is about music. He does very little talking and embraces us with his constant deep singing voice. Angad Bedi is Alia’s sweetheart, owns a starry suburban restaurant, is seen mesmerized by her innocence.
Dear Zindagi doesn’t take sides, there’s no preconceiving notion that Kiara is wronged, a heartbroken woman or even the men in her life are evil. It just tells you Kiara is a woman with suppressed feelings, she is often seen laying awake in bed, jarred by an acute fear of being judged! The writer lets us piece together our own conclusions of the dream sequence that has Kiara confused.
Dear Zindagi emphasizes on two words ‘Love Yourself’…..rest falls in place with time.
