As an atheist, I often get asked where my morality comes from. People tell me that the foundation of atheism doesn’t allow for an objective form of morality the way religion does (whether it’s mentioned in a holy book or written specifically as commandments). I agree; however, I see the lack of objective morality as a benefit of atheism. It allows us to acknowledge the world for what it is: something gray, not black and white. Dividing all actions into groups of only “right” or “wrong” is unnecessary and implausible given the complexity behind people’s actions. Bob might have certain morals, and Joe might have certain morals, but without a reference point, nothing makes one person’s morals more legitimate than another’s. However, this simply argues that there is no absolute form of morality. Therefore, you are free to have your own personal values. 

Let’s say we’re in medieval times, and a knight has taken an oath to protect his king and die for him if needed. Then, let’s say that this king, in time, becomes insane and develops a passion for burning people alive. When he finds out that his liege lords are on their way to rebel against him, the king orders his pyromancer to burn everyone outside of his castle. Alive. At this moment, in the royal court, the only people there are the king, his pyromancer (who the king tasks with burning everyone), and the knight.

Now, the knight here has a choice:

1. Protect his king, whom he has sworn to obey and support his entire life.

OR

2. Kill his king and the pyromancer, which would end up saving thousands of lives.

The objective form of morality would say that he should obey his king.

Because the knight swore an oath – THAT’S his objective reference point for morality.

However, someone who DOESN’T adhere to a rigid set of morals laid down by an oath, book, or religion would equally consider option two. This type of person’s thought process would go something like this: “What’s more important? Keeping my honor (or rather, society’s definition of honor) and following what is objectively determined to be right – but willingly allowing so many men, women, and children to die? Or breaking the sacred oath I have taken but saving thousands of lives instead?”

This scenario brings me back to my original point.

Atheism allows, and by extension encourages, inner conflicts and dilemmas. 

Why?

Because the recipe for what to do and what not to do isn’t laid out for us in a holy book or commandments or some other neat objective format.

In my view, this sort of turmoil can be a tragic but beautiful part of humanity – the process of deciding what to do not because something else says it’s objectively “right”, but because it genuinely feels right to you deep down inside.

Take a second right now and think about those TV or book characters you hate to love. You know, those complex, unpredictable characters that sometimes make you feel guilty for even being fascinated by them (AKA: almost everyone on Game of Thrones, Chuck Bass, Gregory House, etc). Most likely, they’re 99% “evil”, according to society’s definition, but occasionally do decent things – truly making you question what is good and what is bad. Have you ever wondered why we are attracted to this type of character?

It is because their choices are based on their personal ethics, not objective morality, and we see this as a reflection of our own humanity.

Confining yourself to a rigid set of ethics makes it harder to accept others. Is it still possible? Sure. But having the freedom to explore our own values makes it easier to be less judgmental of others. When we see someone and the things they are doing, we should be able to acknowledge that there are reasons behind their behavior. That does not mean we have to like them or their actions (would we really like all the morally ambiguous TV characters if they existed in real life?) – but at least we are openminded.

I know there are a lot of you reading this who are a little iffy on whether we should really just do what feels right to us – since people like serial killers feel plenty justified in doing what they do. Although those are very extreme cases and not the norm, it is still an important topic of discussion so on that note: if you are a Christian, for example, consider the following. If the Bible did not have the “Thou shalt not kill” commandment, would you be going around killing everyone?

Probably not.

When we are born, we are untouched by hatred. Things like racism, body-shaming, and religious fanaticism are taught, not inborn. The fear of God or hell isn’t what stops most sane people from becoming crazed mass murderers; it is a feeling we develop from the way we are raised. I’m no psychologist, but I’d think that killers, rapists etc. who live without remorse (as opposed to criminals who regret their actions…there is a difference) lack this intuition due to mental issues and/or their upbringing.

And for these people who don’t feel even the slightest tinge of guilt after hurting another: I do feel pity for them and think they need some extra help. If nations did a better job at identifying those who require psychiatric assistance, then crime rates would likely decrease. This strategy has been proposed by many in response to the startling statistics regarding American gun ownership and subsequent mass shootings. Since it is true that people kill people, not guns, we ought to be checking the psychological states of more people. Even the darkest criminals are humans, too, as much as some would like to think that they are monsters of a different species. It’s not a perfect or guaranteed solution, but it’s a start.

(Yes, my fellow Game of Thrones lovers, the knight scenario I described was a very simplified version of the story of Jaime Lannister and King Aerys Targaryen II).

Thanga Tharagai (Golden Maiden)

Worshipped, revered, feared and fearless.

One needs no more lexiconic liberties than these aforementioned adjectives to describe the woman that individually transformed the political landscape of south Indian politics, to the tunes of a woman with no political lineage or support.

Born, Feb 24 1948, a believer in astrology she once confided that she was a true Pisces. Emotional in all her pursuits and bearing the best of all the 11 preceding sun signs. The 4 time Chief Minister of Tamil Nadu, between 1991 – 2016 was often discussed as the only politician in post independent India that had the enviable authoritarian approach to leadership and yet the most penetrative ground connect with people. Indira Gandhi was seen as an elitist administrator, while Amma, as she was fondly called was the Iron Willed lady that had snatched the reigns of control and conquered what was until then a patriarchal male bastion.

She began her career as an actress after having passed from Sacred Heart School, at a very young age of 16. Having acted in over 140 films in various regional languages, she even debuted in Bollywood against none other than the He-man of the industry, Dharmendra. However, it was with her fellow co-actor MG Ramachandran, who was another stalwart actor turned politician that she found her calling in state politics.

Serving as the General Secretary for her party AIADMK (All India Anna Dravida Munnetra Kazhagam), she was also the Rajya Sabha member from Tamil Nadu. Post MGR’s death, she staked her claim to the party’s leadership much to the anguish and envy of other tall leaders. Some even claim that the day MGR died, he was planning to suspend Jayalalitha from the party in lieu of all the complains he received from party workers of her one-upmanship order and dealing things with an iron hand. Fighting inheritance battle against Janaki Ramachandran, the widow of the minister, she was pushed off the carriage on live TV during the funeral procession where she swore vengeance and within 4 years of campaigning and building a base amidst her followers came to power unchallenged in 1991.

When CBI raided her residence and confiscated all her belongings including her jewellery during Karunanidhis term as CM, she swore never to touch jewellery again, only to concede on a mass appeal made by her ardent fan followers in 2011. Such was the aura around her that people couldn’t envisage their leader’s sentiments being scathed.

However, as destiny would have had, this serene face of absolute and total control riding on her image of having the most generous outlook towards social welfare programs , Amma went on to become as many hailed her as “Goddess of Tamil Nadu”.

Her political career was marred with allegations of corruption when she first came to limelight for having spent 100 crores on her adopted son’s wedding and was even imprisoned for 21 days post a court ruling in a disproportionate assets case in 2014. 7 people immolated themselves in broad day light just to protest her arrest. Such fanatic mortal worshipping for a woman leader was never before heard of in any part of the world.

As the fierce soul lays to rest, this blog isn’t an attempt to downplay her political mishits. There shall be other occasions. To her best friend and soul sister and confidante for almost all her adult life Sasikala Natarjan, Amma was a defiant fortress that couldn’t be breached, for her adversaries that left no stone unturned to douse her flames she was ferocious, merciless and an unflinching machine and for the millions that feed off a hearty healthy meal every day for less than Rs 1 through her intitiative Amma Canteen, she was, is and shall remain until time immemorial what scores of literary works have addressed her as “AdiShakti” (The Goddess).

On the show Rezendevous with Simi Garewal, the world saw the tender side of Jayalalithaa where she confided that she missed the love of the family and even went on to sing her favourite song, Aaja Sanam, Madhur Chandani Me Hum….

The feisty tigress, with the tranquillity of Buddha, stood tall against an army of wolves and was without a shred of doubt or debate the literal embodiment of power, courage and will. Her departure leaves a void so deep into the psyche of an entire state that shall never be filled for a long time to come. The tears in the eyes of six year old girls to 80 year old men is a testament to her accomplishments that history books shall deploy now to inspire generations to come.

Resting in peaceful slumber, right next to her mentor and guide MGR, the Tamilian identity shall forever not just be indebted but an indispensable proponent of Amma’s awe-inspiring tale of feminist bravado and legacy…

Watch More:

Befikre!

The promise young love is always enchanting – it is refreshing and the mere thought makes the heart skip a beat. Befikre unfortunately is a regressive view of modern love, with a warped perspective about lust, love and commitment in today’s world. The story is about Shayra, played by Vaani Kappor version 2.0, and Dharam, played by Ranveer who seemed to be playing himself.

The movie promises to teach you how to love “carelessly”, but instead preaches how to love “recklessly”. The plot centers around a viciously predictable plot – hookup with anyone and everyone, dump the unsuspecting lover or get dumped by the vindictive lover, fall in love, rinse and repeat!

This of course wouldn’t be as offensive if it wasn’t a grand production from Aditya Chopra, who once wrote and directed Dil Wale Dulahniya Le Jayege – a sensitive and à la mode love story. Indians across the globe haven’t changed much since, we still love and date the same way. It is a conundrum as to why Aditya feels that global Indian diaspora suddenly became more promiscuous and reckless about matters of the heart.

Befikre is baffling and dare I say offensive to women with even an ounce of self-worth, in more ways then one. So many poorly structured stereotypes, let me enumerate some for you:

The White Women Can Be Used and Dumped

Here’s one stereotype the Bollywood cinema needs to break – sooner the better! Offensive to its core, Befikre yet again portrays White women as “easy”, women to hook-up with, but not to bring home-to. Ranveer’s character hooks up with many white women through the movie, and is respectful to none, including his French fiancé, whom he conveniently sleeps with and dumps when he finally finds his muse.

You Can Treat an Indian Girl Anyway, and She Will Always…Take You Back!

The breakup scene between Vaani and Ranveer tells it all – Ranveer calls Vaani a “slut” who has slept with everyone in France, insulting her sexual liberation as he continues on to sleep with and dump women all over France. Despite the way Ranveer continues to treat women through the movie, Vaani not only considers him a lovely friend, but takes him back eventually. Just a simple sorry about calling her a slut is enough and of course, that’s exactly how Indian girls are – we forgive men no matter how they treat us! That’s a stereotype all Indian women love to live with – don’t we?

For Indian Parents the Best Match for Daughters is an Indian Boy…No Matter His Character!

Why Vaani’s parents love Ranveer’s character in the movie is beyond me! He’s not really employable, has a depressing stand-up comedy career, didn’t treat their girl right, and is generally unreliable. The only thing he does right is touch their feet to show respect the traditional Indian respect. But apparently Indian parents, so eager to dump their daughters on a marriageable Indian guy, would take a boy like Ranveer over any non-Indian…right?

Sexual Liberation = Promiscuity

Sigh! Enough said. The movie was meant to be sexy and who doesn’t like to watching gorgeous people getting their groove on large screen. Vaani and Ranveer can be classified as sexy, but the constant sucking each other’s face, taking clothes off in public was repulsive. A woman’s sexual liberation has nothing to do with the number of men she’s with or the number of layers of clothing she takes off. Does Bollywood get that yet?

On and on and on the movie goes, reinforcing just one thing – it’s high time Aditya Chopra lives up to his father’s legacy. I am convulsing confessing this – but papa Chopra’s Jab Tak Hai Jaan was ions ahead of times compared to Befikre.

The only thing that salvages this s***-show is Ranveer Singh. Whether you’re a fan or not, Ranveer is a dude-friend every girl needs. Deliriously funny, risqué, and an endearing childish charm – a bundle of joy for Christmas. From all the interviews I’ve seen of Ranveer, Befikre seems like his playground, a movie space where he wasn’t acting, he was just being himself. And oh that butt! Yes, there’s a generous view of Ranveer’s butt for all the fans – money’s worth? Maybe for some…

2016 sure has been a year of Reel Sports. We’ve seen biopics in pairs, starting with concentration on our diehard sport of cricket transcribed from Azher to Dhoni and the latest surge of interest in wrestling from Sultan to Dangal.

While Sultan raked the moolahs, pleasing the masses with Salman’s langot clad fights; no one would have dared to recreate a Dangal in the same coliseum besides our Mr. Perfectionist. Two years after he starred in PK, Aamir Khan returns in wrestling drama Dangal.

Dangal:

दंगल Noun

• dangal means wrestling competition
• arena (esp for wrestling)
• an amphitheater

Story at large, no spoilers, I promise! 

The story revolves around an over confidant young regional level wrestler, Mahavir Singh Phogat (played by Aamir Khan). His ultimate goal was to be the first to win a gold medal for India in the prestigious Commonwealth Games. However, without adequate financial support, Mahavir succumbed to finding a real job and gets married in hopes that one day his mini male version, Junior Phogat will accomplish his unfulfilled dream. Unfortunately for him and for the entire Balihari village, he was gifted with 4 daughters eluding him to attain his dream and leading him to carry a somewhat pregnant belly for the 90% of the movie. Probably, in hopes, if his wife can’t deliver his desires, Mr. Perfectionist will attain that himself. (Hey, he is after all Mr. Aamir Khan!)

Over the years, the moping father doesn’t hide his disappointment when the entire village distributes laddoos on the birth of several ‘sons’. It’s not till one day when Senior Phogat returns home to face the complaints of the neighbors’ sons been beaten by a Phogat child. Naturally, Senior Phogat misconstrues his nephew to be the culprit, which we know is not the case. The dormant athlete in Mahavir awakens when he discovers that his adolescent daughters Geeta (Zaira Wasim) and Babita (Suhani Bhatnagar) are dexterous brawlers. He is determined, that his daughters could succeed where he couldn’t. He exempts the girls from any housework to start training them, and flouting convention by pitting them against boys. The two daughters eventually compete in the Olympics, under the scrutiny of their obstinate trainer-father.

When the girls get older, the film switches actresses (the two younger ones, Zaira Wasim and Suhani Bhatnagar, with Fatima Sana Shaikh and Sanya Malhotra). Though, Aamir Khan’s belly stayed intact with slightly more salt and peppered hairdo.

What are your odds when you defy not just biology?

This sports based film, feels authentic, and not just because it’s based on a true story. Rather, cause of its defiance of the clichés of the society that pre-slots the girls into domestic categories that they are nothing more than sex objects and homemakers. The athletic abilities of the two oldest daughters Geeta and Babita, are also their avenue of escaping the circumscribed future of early marriage and motherhood, an asphyxiating fate dramatized by their teenage friend whose only wish is that she wasn’t being consigned by her family.

The two Phogat Girls marveled their journey of Golgappa loving teenagers from their own pre-consumed girly nature to standing against the village that never failed any opportunity to point fingers with their ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’, to marking their small village on the map of the world. All four actresses playing Geeta and Babita are conspicuously good! They depict the story of women empowerment and a father who believed in his daughters.

While the film has Aamir written all over it, director Nitesh Tiwari and his writers defined a fine line between the multi faceted Senior Phogat — as a harsh taskmaster whose ambitions for his daughters are rooted in his own disappointments and as a concerned father massaging his daughters’ feet in the quietness of the night.

Watch out, these Girls might just flip your mind away with their hard work #Phogat 

It may very well be an Aamir Khan movie, but the girls owned the movie!

We’ve all seen the videos that went viral of Aamir Khan’s transformation. He left no leaf unturned to attain a pregnant belly to finally reaching his athletic young self for a 2 minute fight sequence in the movie and the internet went crazy with his fat to fit transformation. Given his status and years in the industry, it’s perhaps expected.

Seldom do we hear about the small time costars who undergo a similar experience from their realms of comfort to attain the physique needed for the desired roles. Here’s a video highlighting what the film’s team calls “the breathtaking journey of the Dhaakad girls.” “Dhaakad” is the name of a motivational song in the film.

Aamir Khan and the makers of Dangal walk us through their fascinating schedule and transformation of how Sanya, Fatima, Zaira Wasim and Suhani Bhatnagar, undergo six days a week Olympian level training for 8-9 months prior to filming.

Sanya confides that they did not speak a word of their pain for a long time, as they feared that they might lose the opportunity.

Fatima voiced that she was badly injured during the shoot that the entire schedule had to be pushed a bit forward because of her, and how she managed to look like a tigress on screen even though she was in extreme pain.

Survival against all odds!

Sport teaches us to survive against all odds, whether you win the trophy or not. Dangal, also sends out the social message of gender equality. Both reel and real-life father braved all societal odds to train his daughters as wrestlers in a male-dominated sport. This family radiates paternal devotion beneath a stern exterior, who grapple appreciably with wrestling tactics. Dangal, is about self-discipline, a person who believed in his vision, and women empowerment. It is an ideal film to end our 2016 with both inspiration and entertainment.

2016 – we’re so over you already!

So many injured hearts and hopes – the year took it all. This year has been particularly challenging for the feminists across the United States still trying to make sense of the political landscape awaiting us 2017 onwards.

Here’s an amazing quote that will keep us pushing to fight the good fight in the meantime!

Every woman that finally figured out her worth, has picked up her suitcases of pride and boarded a flight to freedom, which landed in the valley of change ― Shannon L. Alder

From the crisis in Syria, to Rio Olympics, to the Black Lives Matter Movement, to the Moon being closest to us since 1948 – we have seen so many faces of humanity this year. As we challenge ourselves to become better versions of ourselves in 2017, I wanted to share some things I learnt this year:

1. Love does trump hate – Sometimes it just takes a bit longer to heal from the hate and get back to loving!
2. Never apologize for taking care of yourself –  This is especially true for women who take care of everyone around them before taking care of themselves. This is especially true for women who are caregivers for the children and families, who always put their world before themselves.
3. It’s OK to say no…a lot and make time for yourself.
4. It’s OK to end sucky relationships – It is important to purge relationships that aren’t working for you,  so we can rebuild ones that really matter. 
5. Always rejoice the best you have in life – Human suffering is universal, yet it is important to remember how fortunate we all are – healthier, younger, happier and wealthier than so many across the world. So many less fortunate people would love to be in our shoes, and it’s not a blessing we should take for granted.
6. Yes, there’s a special place in hell for women who don’t support other women – Let’s try and stand together ladies!
7. Women indeed are amazingly sexy, overachievers and wonderful humans – We need to celebrate ourselves a lot more often than judging each other all the time
8. Ladies, own your sexiness and say yes to red lipstick – Your partner will thank you for planting those red lips on him or her.
9. Finally – strong and healthy is in – As it should have always been!
10. Listen to your body – Pushing yourself harder when you’re already beat down and injured, won’t help you – let your body and mind heal. This again is especially true for women, who push themselves to the breaking point before they are forced to take a break.
11. Stay true to yourself – Your values should only evolve with time, not regress.
12. It’s even more exciting to be healthier at 70 than today – To build a healthier, happier self you have to eat clean, think and act clean, workout smart, sleep a lot and surround yourself with amazing people. 
13. Live an endlessly compassionate life – I have been trying to follow the Buddhist philosophy of doing one act of charity a day, such as sending a kind thought and speaking a kind word. Being kind and thoughtful isn’t always hard, it’s just a matter of being mindful. 
14. Forgive others, but first forgive yourself – Forgiving yourself is always the hardest thing to do. Letting go of our mistakes is easier said than done, but forgiving yourself is the only path to redemption and healing.
15. Make hard decisions and learn to make peace with them
16. It’s OK to slow down and breathe…a lot!

Read More:

• Year in Pictures 2016 – by New York Times (RECOMMENDED)
• Year in Pictures 2016 – by BBC 
• Is 2016 the worst year in history – by Slate
• Best Photos of 2016 –  by Time

Read: 8 mins

“New Year’s Day … now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.” ~ Mark Twain ~

New Year’s resolutions are a bit like babies, fun to make but extremely difficult to maintain (No pun indented). January is a good time to re-evaluate, re-prioritize and re-set new ambitious goals for the New Year. It’s giving ourselves permission to start over, and to recommit to the habits and ways of being that improve our lives, seems healthy, wise, and self-honoring. But like so many others within our culture, this tradition has morphed into the shallow-sighted influence of consumer culture, this potentially powerful time of growth and restoration has devolved into yet another excuse to beat ourselves up, to doubt our capabilities, and to question our self-worth.

Did you know approximately 8% of New Year’s resolutions succeed? While about 75% of people stick to their goals for at least a week, less than half (46%) are still on target six months later, according to University of Pennsylvania research.

If you aren’t midst the 8%, then daaarlings, welcome to the club? It’s hard to keep up the enthusiasm months after you sweep off the holiday confetti. Even with our best intentions, a couple of weeks into 2017 and our New Year’s resolutions are already on the fritz or many of us don’t even bother to set goals or intentions because we’ve failed so thoroughly at following through in the past.

I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me. ~ Anais Nin ~

Why is it that we have no more moral stamina than a noodle when it comes to keeping our resolutions? Often our desire for change is rooted in more self-loathing and perceived inadequacy than self-love. It isn’t that we are overtly hateful in our resolution creating and intention setting, but that our underlying motivation, expectations of ourselves, and strategies for creating change are based on creating a right path to achieve the desired change.

Let’s say that I want to lose twenty pounds by June because I’m going on vacation this summer and want to be “beach ready.” My motivation, in this case, is a desire to look a certain way, presumably so that I might feel more confident (desirable, sexy, less disgusting or less ashamed) in my swimsuit. The trick to succeeding is to make the right choices and have lots of patience.“Expecting results like yesterday, and sets a desperation mode like today, which is a recipe for failure before it even kicks off!”. No matter the nature of our resolution – funny or serious, it’s a promise to you. Identifying and avoiding culprits such as setting vague goals like the below is the key

• Running while juggling knives (Good Luck to you!)
• Skateboarding down a hill when my board has no wheels (Really!)
• Saving water by not bathing (Good for you, just don’t come near me!)
• Consider apple martinis part of my “daily fruit intake”(Ha! This I may comply!)
• So on and so forth…

As the immortal Shakespeare once said, “To thine own self be true.”

New Year’s resolutions are behavior changes; they are based on many factors. If one of your resolutions is about Health and fitness, here are some quirks to assist you in setting avenues for a healthy 2017

1.  Self Appraisal – “Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing.”  ~ August Wilson ~

Most of us get carried away into New Years with lofty ambitions and resolutions without properly evaluating, reflecting, or learning from the previous year’s experiences. I believe that when we reflect on certain aspects honestly, we can rekindle passion, and a renew sense of direction. I encourage you to grab a pen and make sure you’re both physically and mentally ready to start your healthy resolution. For your physical evaluation, follow the link. Once you have been physically cleared to proceed, consider your mental readiness. How likely are you to stick with an exercise program once you begin? While there are many factors to consider, three are most significant. You are more likely to succeed if you:

• Participate in an enjoyable form of exercise.
• Receive encouragement and support from those closest to you.
• Have confidence in your exercise ability.

2.    Strive for progress, not perfection – Believe that Sweat is Fat Crying 

It’s easy to say that I’ll exercise every day, time permitting that is. Design your fitness plan with following purpose in mind

• Consider your fitness goals – Lose Weight? Marathon Preparation? Having clear goals can help you gauge your progress and stay motivated.
• Create a balanced routine – Combine 30 minutes of cardio workouts with some different activities (cross-training: such as biking or water exercise, also reduces your chances of injuring or overusing one specific muscle or joint) can keep exercise boredom at bay.
• Build activity into your daily routine. Most of us slack off due to lack of time in our daily schedule and finding time can be a challenge. Plan to watch your favorite show while walking on the treadmill, read while riding a stationary bike, or take a break to go on a walk at work.
• Allow time for recovery. Many people start exercising with frenzied zeal — working out too long or too intensely — and give up when their muscles and joints become sore or injured. Plan time between sessions for your body to rest and recover.
• Start low and progress slowly. If you’re just beginning to exercise, start cautiously and progress slowly. If you have an injury or a medical condition, consult your doctor or an exercise therapist for help designing a fitness program that gradually improves your range of motion, strength and endurance.
• Put it on paper. A written plan may encourage you to stay on track or download a tracking app, since there’s an app for everything these days.

3.   Your body doesn’t have the ability to turn garbage into a high quality product. All of your cells, muscles, skin, bones, etc. are built by the food that you supply. So choose wisely.

Every day, thousands make the decision to start eating better to lose weight or detox…and every day those thousands of people fail because don’t really have any plan or idea what they’re doing. Healthy eating is not about dietary limitations, staying unrealistically thin, or depriving yourself of the foods you love. Rather, it’s about feeling great, having more energy, improving your health, and stabilizing your mood.

• Simple Daily replacements: Start by making simple changes in your diet. Improving your health could be as easy as switching from

1. White to whole wheat bread
2. Substitute Coconut/Avocado/Olive oil for vegetable oil
3. Ordering your favorite coffee drink with skim/coconut/almond milk instead of whole
4. Pan-fry food instead of deep-frying
5. Use Greek yogurt instead of sour cream
6. Choose brown rice over white
7. Eat at least three times a day instead of skipping meals
8. Spread avocado/almond/peanut on bread instead of butter
9. Eat hard-boiled eggs instead of fried eggs.
10. Order red wine or beer instead of a margarita

• Moderation is key: What is moderation? In essence, it means eating only as much food as your body needs. You should feel satisfied at the end of a meal, but not stuffed. We all need a balance of protein, fat, fiber, carbohydrates, vitamins, and minerals to sustain a healthy body. Moderation also means eating less than we do now.
• Think smaller portions. Serving sizes have ballooned recently. When dining out, choose a starter instead of an entree, split a dish with a friend, and don’t order supersized anything. If you don’t feel satisfied at the end of a meal, add more leafy vegetables or round off the meal with fruit. Try to stop eating before you feel full. It actually takes a few minutes for your brain to tell your body that it has had enough food, so eat slowly.
• Cut back on sugar: Aside from portion size, perhaps the single biggest problem is added sugar in our food. Too much sugar causes energy spikes and has been linked to diabetes, depression, and even an increase in suicidal behaviors in young people. Reducing the amount of candy and desserts you eat is only part of the solution as sugar is also hidden in foods such as bread, cereals, canned soups and vegetables, pasta sauce, margarine, instant mashed potatoes, frozen dinners, low-fat meals, fast food, and ketchup. For those with sweet tooth, perhaps substitute your sugar with honey, Coconut Sugar or Pure Organic Maple Syrup.

4.    Find a partner in Crime

Feel like old friends (or family) have fallen by the wayside? It’s good for your health to reconnect with them. Working out with a friend allows for a little friendly competition and increased accountability. It’s always a little easier when you know someone is rooting for you and is ready to push you harder. In a technology-fixated era, it’s never been easier to stay in touch and track each others’ fitness scores, so fire up Facebook Groups and follow up your friends.

5.    Too much work – “If you spend too much time working on your weaknesses, all you end up with is lot of strong weaknesses” ~ Dan Sullivan ~

Sure, it takes self-discipline to follow through with our goals and intentions. Should you realize all of the above is too much of maintenance, then perhaps, an alternative for you would be to join some preset challenges such as –

• Whole Life Challenge: The Habits work together to create an effect in your life that’s hard to overstate — after a few weeks, you’ll feel rested, energetic, present, strong, healthy (and perhaps even happier).
• Whole 30:  Helping people change their relationship with food and create life-long, healthy habits.
• Paleo 30 Day Challenge: Free 30-Day Fitness Challenge is designed to help everybody  look better, feel better, naturally have more energy, reduce disease and probably even lose some weight!
• Self: Think of this Challenge as your road map to a healthier, fitter, happier you in 2017.

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today, I am wise, so I am changing myself” ~ Rumi ~

What is keeping you from being your best self and living your best life? Is it an unhealthy relationship, a terrible job that drains you of your energy, or a deep-seated fear?
Let. It. Go! Remove unnecessary obligations that keep you from reaching your physical, mental, and personal goals. This is YOUR time! Replace these things with activities that help you reach your goals, a job that fosters your creativity and empowers you, and relationships with people who build you up!

Happy Healthy 2017!

You were born with potential.
You were born with goodness and trust.
You were born with ideals and dreams.
You were born with greatness.
You were born with wings.
You are not meant for crawling, so don’t.
You have wings.
Learn to use them and fly!
~Rumi~

Device Make: Canon EOS Digital Rebel XSi
Location: The Big Island, Hawaii
Photographer: V. Mehrotra

I may not be the strongest,
I may not be the fastest,
but I’ll be damned if I’m not trying my hardest!

Device Make: Canon EOS Digital Rebel XSi
Location: Amsterdam, Netherlands
Photographer: V. Mehrotra

“What does p***y mean?” asked my curious, cold and tired 9-year old surrounded in a sea of pink p***y hats outside the ornate gold & grey Civic Center in San Francisco. I skirted around the definition – wondering how comfortable we’ve gotten with the word in the current political context. Two older ladies in their 60s smiled generously at my little boy. “Your daughters and wife will be so proud of you someday, and you’ll be a feminist won’t you?” they slyly planted ideas in his impressionable buzzing brain. 

Oh how I loved the confluence of like-minded women protesting this election and the assault on their identity. It was a celebration of hope in the haphazard and mostly self-directed protest and a voice about everything – women’s rights, reproductive rights, LGBTQ rights, #ClimateChange, #BlackLivesMatter, and #HeWithShe movements. We celebrated with creative handcrafted signs, laughed at our misery – but we were all together! Images of protests from around the world poured in from Europe to Asia to Latin America (NY Times) – a perfect mix of raunchiness, political awareness and tactlessness.

How proud I am of this version of America! A tempered yet peaceful rallies by the millions showcasing the true tenor of this country – tolerant, hopeful, audacious, yet a bit confused about the way forward from here.

(Print your own via The Amplifier Foundation link)

This was January 21st, 2017 and I walked away from the protest inspired, though knowing all too well there is a point at which protest fatigue sets in. I also fully understand and empathize with the criticism from Kara Brown of Jezebel – will this movement sustain, will anyone show up for social injustices afflicted on minorities (example where were these people during #BlackLivesMatter protests?), will this protest only result in a selfie-with-the-best-sign event instead of a call-to-action?

However there has been a heartening show of solidarity in the midst of travesty. As it happens, thousands protested for the immigrants and refugees outside airports this weekend after the #MuslimBan (NY Times article). Tim Cook (Apple’s CEO) and Sundar Pichai (Google’s CEO) immediately issued memos to their employees with strongly worded concerns about the policy. Google’s co-founder Sergey Brin joined the SF Airport protest against the immigration order.

However, all this may not be enough at the end of the day to return the power of the democracy in the hands of the people! And that is the reason we must consider other constructive ways to engage, while continuing to protest and be energized. 

So what is the THREE actions you can take now?

1. Raise Your Voice – Write a postcard to your Senators! The Women’s March website makes it easy for you. Visit the website here to print your own card or order a professional one. There’s also call to action – 10 things in 100 days – let’s sustain it!
2. Get Involved – Get to know your local politicians and impact change from ground up! Reach out to the local constituents and make sure we SHIFT LEFT!
3. Donate – Support the institutions that help represent and protect refugees and vulnerable communities – Doctors Without Borders, Planned Parenthood, ALCU are some critical organizations needing your support.

So don’t stop believing and continue marching forward. Share ideas about how to make this movement more successful. 

Here are pictures from San Francisco’s Women’s March to inspire us all. 

Read More:

1. The Best, Nastiest Protest Signs From the Women’s March on Washington

2. A Q-and-A With the Muslim Woman Whose Face Has Become a Symbol of Trump Resistance

My therapist has a wagging tail, four legs and soft sand with an ocean view instead of a couch!

Device Make: Canon EOS Digital Rebel XSi
Location: Tulum, Mexico
Photographer: V. Mehrotra

Although the road is never ending
take a step and keep walking,
do not look fearfully into the distance…
On this path let the heart be your guide
for the body is hesitant and full of fear.
– Rumi

Device Make: Canon EOS Digital Rebel XSi
Location: Spanish Steps, Rome, Italy
Photographer: V. Mehrotra

Today is February 14^th – St. Valentine’s day.
Forget love … I’d rather fall in chocolate!

Device Make: Canon EOS Digital Rebel XSi
Location: Fashion District, Milan, Italy
Photographer: V. Mehrotra

There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age. 

– Sophia Loren

Device Make: Canon EOS Digital Rebel XSi
Location: Chicago, USA
Photographer: V. Mehrotra

Edward Hopper – The Lonely Realist

“…barriers and boundaries, wanted things at a distance and unwanted things too close: and erotics of insufficient intimacy, which is of course a synonym for loneliness itself.” – Olivia Laing

David Wojnarowicz – The Activist Artist

“there was no way I could relate them to anybody in a room full of people at any party anywhere. The sense of carrying experiences on my shoulder, where I could sit there and look at people and realize there was just no frame of reference that was similar to theirs.”

“I could barely speak in the company of other people. There was never a point conversation at work, parties, or gathering where I could reveal what I’d seen.”

“To place an object or writing that contains what is invisible because of legislation or social taboo into an environment outside myself makes me feel snot so alone, it keeps me company by virtue of it’s existence. It is kind of like a ventriloquist’s dummy – the only difference is that the work can speak by itself or act like that ‘magnet’ to attract others who carried this enforced silence.”

There’s a special quality to the loneliness of dusk,
a melancholy more brooding even than the night’s.

– Ed Gorman

Device Make: Canon EOS Digital Rebel XSi
Location: Houston, Texas, USA
Photographer: V. Mehrotra

Spices are like colors: if you mix them all together you get a taste that is akin to the colors black, dark brown, or grey.
But if you mix spices judiciously and sparingly—as you would mix yellow and blue to make green—you get a wholly unexpected and beautiful flavor.
― Clifford Cohen

Device Make: Canon EOS Digital Rebel XSi
Location: The Big Island, Hawaii
Photographer: V. Mehrotra

When one door of happiness closes,
another opens;
but often we look so long at the closed door
that we do not see the one,
which has been opened for us.
– Helen Keller –

Device Make: Canon EOS Digital Rebel XSi
Location: Bürresheim Castle, Germany
Photographer: V. Mehrotra

We were on a mission to dine at every single recommended cafe on Trip Advisor and that euphoric madness led us to Gaia! A boutique restaurant on Kumari Marg, Thamel. A stone throw from our hotel but we still needed two of each, brains, cell phones, GPS navigation systems and apps to triangulate the position. Thamel district in Kathmandu is an explorer’s paradise. The diversity of what is on offer is spell binding. The city’s cynosure, this area is an epitome of Multiculturalism. Americans, Hispanics, south-east Asians, folks from down under, one can spot the entire world within a few blocks of the suburban landscape. Bob Marley and BB King on this side of the road in an upscale lounge and “Tip Tip barsa Pani” in a makeshift, basement dance bar on the other. Authentic Pashmina shawls on the first floor and Gucci and Northwest replicas on the ground floor.

The buildings have more hoardings and banners on them than bricks and the same structure of 4-storey could very well have a hotel, a spa, a café, a pizzeria, a bakery, a mountaineering gear shop, artifact stores, another café, internet parlor, salon, a zoo a space station…you get the idea, don’t you!  Exhausting just to recreate the imagery!

Right before we turned left to enter Gaia, I heard what I never expected to hear in this lifetime, not in India and most certainly not in Nepal.  A remixed version of “Zindagi Maut Na Ban Jaye” from the Bollywood movie Sarfarosh with Bhangra beats, and I knew the barber shop it was emanating from had to belong to a Bihari (no offense).

Dressed in black dungarees and a Nirvana t-shirt, with cropped, gelled hair and rings on every finger, we had met our first subject for this blog!

Jai Ram Thakur from Saharanpur had moved to Kathmandu 17 years ago. A decade and a half later he was still adjusting to the “rough” hair styles of the young Nepali boys as he described the undercuts and spikes. His parlor had an orange decor – oh, not the shade you associate with orange but the color of the Sindoor they put on Indian brides, right from the tip of their noses to the base of their skulls! Instantly appealing to the ridiculous sense of impropriety the brain is programmed to get attracted to.

 “I am going to give you the latest Ranbir Kapoor look from the movie he’s doing with Salman’s ‘item’”, he exalted, on my mention that I was there for a haircut and possibly a change in hair style!  The feminist in me was about to intervene when a wry smile spread across his face and he unapologetically uttered “waise Didi (Katrina Kaif) hain badi acchi, pehle u ek chotta (translation: petty criminal) ke chakar me phans gayi (referring to Sallu) fir Ranbir ke chakkar main. Ab bataiye, jo Deepika jaisi ka nahi hua, uske character ka aur kya test.” I was amazed at the depth of knowledge the man possessed about the latest in Bollywood gossip!  This was going to be some haircut experience, I muttered to myself.

“A lot has changed in the last 2 decades since I moved here,” he proclaimed. The streets have gone murkier and dirtier. Though I knew what he implied, I had the most candid and earnest encounter with a drug peddler only last evening in broad day light as he walked up to me at a crossing and enquired, “Bro, do you smoke? I got hashish, grass.” Before I could answer in a negative, prompt came my other alternatives, “No? How about some crystal, heroin? No? A line perhaps (referring to cocaine)?”

But given how much I enjoy interacting with strangers who are determined to express themselves with limited inhibition I decided to indulge Jai Thakur a tad bit more. “What do you mean, things have changed around here?” I enquired. “Sir, Is jagah ka naitik patan ho chuka hai (this place has morally degraded).” Such chaste dialect, “naitik patan” and I could barely conceal my laughter.

He went on to further explain how a plethora of massage parlors employing young girls has mushroomed in hundreds over the last decade, catering mostly to the white pot-bellied Caucasians and “couldn’t afford a ticket to Pattaya – Indians!” The streets are infested with teenage boys selling drugs for a quick buck! There are alleys in Thamel that are unnavigable after 10 because of chain snatchers and perverts trying to grope you, something that was unheard of when I first moved here, he concluded. Working here isn’t as exhilarating as it used to be, was my conclusion for him. 17 years of monotony would do that to anyone, the city was little to be blamed!

There was a hint of frustrated exaggeration about his verdict, maybe a haircut went bad and the client refused to pay but a large part of his assessment bordered around the reality. Nepal through the eyes of this hyperbolic barber was a dream destination that had lost its charm, nothing worth looking forward to, addictive none the less. It was as impossible for him to palate the dynamism witnessed over a long career as it was to just hang his boots. By the time the hair wax had been applied and a final nod of OK was made by Thakur, I was looking like a rough, Nepali porcupine and Ranbir would turn in his grave if he were to know, someone thought this hairdo resembled his!

The fascinating 1-hour of the interaction was priceless and I did go back to Thakur the next day for the leftover insights into the mesmerizing city of Kathmandu, Jai was married to Nancy Thapa a beautiful lady that also managed the women’s section of the salon and together embodied the amalgamation of diversity Nepal truly is!

Hari, was our cab driver assigned to us by our Hotel administration. A polite man in his mid-forties, a tour guide plus travel agent plus spiritual speaker and everything in between. His facial expressions often read of boredom having repeatedly done the same thing day in and out for inquisitive and sometimes annoying tourists like me. For the most part sporting a feeble smile he eventually even got our Lumbini trip canceled with a whole lot of conundrum resulting in unavailability of return flights to Kathmandu. At the end of the first day of the tour, Hari was very keen on taking us to Nagarkot, apparently to view the snow-capped peaks of the lower Himalayas and also because the place was outside city limits and hence he got to charge us a premium over the city package of the day!

 The time set for departure from our hotel was decided to be 4 in the morning. We left as per schedule only to realize half way that the thick cluster of clouds would make it an impossibility to get a view of anything beyond 500 Ft. So, there we were, parked at the edge of the highest cliff in Nagarkot with no further trajectory to navigate. Chilly winds and drizzle welcomed us at 5 AM in the morning with no signs of any other living person or organism anywhere around.

As I reclined in the rear seat of the car, I saw a young lady in her early 20’s appear out of nowhere! Bleached locks, fiery red lipstick, a Hawaiian-patterned dress and a glass of chilled beer in her glass trot gently towards my friend. For a moment we assumed she was the owner of the small but neatly done hotel right behind where our car was parked. That’s when we were informed she was there to relax with a couple of her friends. She was jarred with all the drinking through the night and dancing in the discotheque. No wonder, she was having more alcohol at 5 in the morning. Good high sometimes eliminate the perils of a bad high.

Sujata – This 23-year-old fiery bombshell would have hung Jai Ram Thakur like a goose on a rotisserie and watched him slow cook to oblivion had she heard him address Sallu Bhai as “chotta” (ruffian). This pocket dynamite, married at 14, a single mom and abandoned by her husband at 16 could very well be Salman Khan’s fiercest fan alive. In a span of 2 hours with her, she had already gulped down half a crate of Carlsbad and smoked 21 cigarettes (yes, my astonishment made me keep a count). Accompanying on the same table was her older friend she loving addressed as “Don”. Don was every bit of the woman you can picture in your head right now! Big, loud, brash, rambunctious, uninhibited, encapsulating and someone who would walk inside the room one second and own the atmosphere the next. Together Sujata and Don reminded me of Thelma and Louise or if you missed that classic, Butch, and the Sundance Kid!

Don was the support system for Sujata, helping her raise her 9-year-old son Tanmay and also with her business. In conversation with them, I realized a few things. Every individual can be strong when facing an adversity but none could be as resilient and determined as a single mother. Women exude this sense of character and their beauty, elegance, and appeal amidst all that life was throwing at them, transcends borders! Sujata was still hoping to find love, love that happened to Bodyguard Lovely Singh but today she isn’t afraid to be inebriated to the brim and instead of taking a cab, purposefully walk inside a police station and request to be dropped at home.

What also struck me was for all the penchant Nepalese possess for Indian cinema and Bollywood, they are equally in love with their culture and traditions. As Sujata later said, she could dance all night as she did the night before coming to the mountain top on songs ranging from Tamma Tamma to Chikni Chameli, the sense of true happiness and a connection with everyone lay when the music was from the biggest Nepalese hits from Bhuwan KC.

Sujata and Don were the cannons of reprisal fighting the dogma of an early marriage and patriarchy that seems to be a part of Nepalese culture. A bit on the edge to our liking but they were living it up in style. A reflection of a society that was transitioning from cognitive and cultural bondage to liberty and empowerment, with a touch of an overdose of a few vices!

While exploring the Bhaktapur Durbar and the regalia it would have boasted when first created, we found ourselves bumping into the Nepalese and academic version of the African child soldier from the Bosnian civil war days!. This child guide knew no less about the Durbar, the history, the iconography, the dates than the adult guides we had through rest of our prior visits. While we were engaged in some rather fascinating revelations we saw a young girl walk briskly past us. She was barely 10 and made a rather abrupt halt right where we were seated. The axiomatic reaction was to enquire about her as ardently as we had done about the boy. She was Sunita – the boy’s classmate. Spoke fluent and flawless English. Her linguistic proficiency could have very well put many Indian parents on the anti-depressant Prozac! She was poignant and stupendously confident of both, the context and the content. Thoroughly impressed by their skills we were more than keen to offer them a treat or an ice cream bonanza given how brutally and unrelentingly the sun was scorching down on the city.

Sunitha and the boy gazed into each other’s eyes for a brief moment and before we could unravel the dilemma, she asked us to buy them books from the local book store instead of treating them. The heart just warmed up to the request and we agreed with as much gusto as we did with eagerness. Walking behind them from one lane to another, we were informed that Sunita’s education was being funded by a man from San Fransisco. God bless that noble soul, I thought to myself. In a world that’s defined by the ills and evils here was an example of someone doing something spectacularly humane and selfless! Eventually, we reached the bookstore and told them they could buy whichever book they needed for their curriculum and just waited for them to decide.

Sunita looked at the shopkeeper for a moment, spoke to him in her local language first time that afternoon and a book was placed on the front desk. The boy followed suit and asked for the same book. Seeing them both purchase the same question bank we were inclined to suggest that they should buy 2 different books. However, we didn’t pay much heed to the fact that they were both quite adamant with their decision. My friend took out her wallet to pay for them and asked for the price. 5000 NRS for both, the man said with an expression as calm as that of a torrential flood that had just receded after having lost its motivation to cause more havoc. That’s when I felt something just didn’t add up. I checked online and found that the price for the book was merely 400 NRS. 80% less than what was quoted to us. We informed the shopkeeper and he didn’t even resist bringing the price down from 2500 to 400, which felt even more mystifying. As soon as that happened, the boy refashioned his choice and asked for another book. This time the price quoted to us was 600 NRS. Google informed me that the original price was 200 and we intimated the shopkeeper and yet again he agreed with sublime nonchalance and with an alacrity to stupify. Right at that moment, the boy altered back to the original choice and that’s when I requested my friend to just fold her wallet and just walk away.

The children never needed any books. They only needed tourists to agree to their request for purchasing a book. They would take everyone to the book store and have the hapless and unsuspecting tourists buy them a rather expensive book. Thanking the tourists for their benevolence and kindness they would later return to the book store and return the book for cash deducting some commission for the role played by the shopkeeper. The plot was laden with rather minimal loopholes to be apprehensive about.There was hardly an aroma of flippancy about the script and demeanor.  This was a very well thought out, racket. Like my friend later said, it’s a SCAM!

These kids were also the Nepal we were there to discover. Rendered impotent with government apathy and deploying their skills and knowledge to survive in this ruthless world without much caution or care for morality, I wondered if they realize the gravitas of the priceless knowledge of historicity they acquired rather accidentally or was it just means to an end.

They made me realize that people anywhere in the world are just that, people. They do the best they can with what they and when they can!

Sujata, Hari, Sunita, Thakur were what Kathmandu is! Mysticism integrated with modernity or the banality of it so to speak. A forward society with its own share of repressions, a depredation of a glorious legacy, a crossover to the fast times of sex, drugs and rock and roll and yet pristine and the virgin in its aura of religiosity defining the way of life.

Kathmandu and Nepal through their eyes was a treat to savor and cherish. When memories of the grandeur of history embedded in those royal pagodas and the divinity of Symbhunath begins to fade with age, those faces and their view of the world is what shall remain in me of Nepal…

Dharamsala, the winter capital of Himchal Pradesh is a wonderful place for those seeking a spiritual experience or just a get-away from the daily humdrum of life. The city is also known as Little Lhasa, fondly named after the Tibetan capital city. Dharamsala has been home to nearly 80,000 Tibetan refugees who have found home in India after leaving modern-day Tibet because of unrest and political complications with the Chinese government. It is also the residence of His Holiness – The Dalia Lama, and the headquarters of the Central Tibetan Administration, the Tibetan Government in exile.

Most tourists enjoy the typical sites – the Dalai Lama Temple Complex, the Bagsu Nath Temple, and other restaurants and cafes in the area. The city has many other sites and experiences to offer however.

1. Shiva Cafe atop Bagsu Falls

Shiva Cafe offers the a tranquil and much-needed escape from the usual tourist crowds and loud city scapes. The cafe is about 1.5 mile walk at a steep incline from the Bagsu Nath Temple, and is located right above the Bagsu falls. Inspired by the Lord Shiva, the Lord of the Universe, and by Bob Marley, the cafe is the perfect space to have a cup of chai / coffee and ponder over life. The cafe has some amazing handmade art adding to the hipster feel. The local staff offers “taail Maalish” or oil massage which is perfect after the hike to the cafe. If you’re a lover of nature and coffee plan on spending at least a half day here. Bring your books and writing materials along too!

2. Illiterati Book Collection

Unlike cafes that house books for patrons to flip through while grabbing a cup of coffee or chai – Illiterati has tuned the concept on its head.  This lovely library-like cafe has books to read for years and is nestled away from the main Dharamsala chowk.

The cafe has excellent food for both vegetarians and non-vegetarians alike. I recommend the fresh Kashmiri Kawah – or pink chai made with herbs and dry fruits.

Again, if you’re looking for a tranquil time to yourself plan on spending at least half a day here. The hotel staff is kind enough to call a taxi for you in case you don’t have the energy to climb back to the main chowk.

3. Dal Lake & Street Food

The Dal Lake in Dharamsala is named after the popular Dal Lake in Kashmir. The lake is regarded sacred by Shiva worshippers.

The best experience by this stunning lake is to grab a bite at Pappu’s Chana stand and Baba Ji’s homemade ice cream joint. Both establishments have been around for at least 20 years and offer mouth-watering and clean street food!

4. Movie Screeings at the Hope Cafe

The Hope Gallery is literally a hole in the wall Cafe tucked away in the Jogibara alleys. The gallery was started in 2015 to support the stories and art from Tibet, and raise awareness about Tibetan political and cultural struggle. Each evening the cafe holds screenings of Tibetan movies about a wide range of topics impacting the Tibetan community.

The gallery also boasts a collection of captivating artwork by artists traveling across India and Tibet. The handmade notebooks, postcards and bookmarks make for great gifts!

5. Sunset over the Dhauladhar Range

Dhauladhar range or the White Range is the southern outer range of the Himalayas. The range is primarily made of granite, but shiny shale and limestone also compose the range.

The Sunset Point provides spectacular views of the Himachal valley both during early mornings and evenings. If you’re lucky you’ll be able to catch the sunset. The thick clouds often cover the valley, but the peaceful green range is a sight to behold. Pictures don’t do justice.

With the rapid growth and commercialism Dharamsala is experiencing, the impact of tourism is evident on the ecosystem. For example, the small Dalai Lama complex sees nearly 500+ taxis daily going through narrow lanes, bringing with them intense noise and vehicular pollution. It may be advisable to walk as much as possible and reduce dependence on taxis or personal transport.

The city municipality has provided many garbage boxes through the city. Yet you will find the garbage both perishable and plastic strewn all over the valley. The municipality does deploy people to clean up the mountains but the sizable tourist population is hard to keep up with.

Locals often wish tourists would treat their beloved Dharamsala, McLoad Gunj, Dharamkot villages with courtesy and care. If you’re planning on visiting Dharamsala, do consider ways to be more mindful about your footprint on the valley.

Also share what you liked best about this precious area.

Enjoy the playlist complied in Dharamsala on Spotify!

Take a stroll down hipster food joints and cool bars on any Friday night from San Jose, Mountain View, Palo Alto, Santa Clara and the well-known alleys of Silicon Valley – there’s no dearth of stunning single men and women. All matched through some cryptic algorithm that told them to swipe right! From Tinder to Coffee Meets Bagel, Bumble, Hinge and so on – different flavors and paths to meeting the burgeoning population of techies in the area.

Dating in the Bay Area (San Jose, Santa Clara) has evolved into a dating scene unlike other areas in the country – a bigger ratio of single men to women. There are about “114 employed men per 100 women, among the unmarried adults 25-34, and 57% are unmarried” (Pew Research Center, 2014). Yet ask most single women – dating is impossibly difficult! Unlike other parts of the country where dating is still has a traditional flavor, Silicon Valley seems to have its own unwritten rules!

Not that I am cynical about using dating / match making apps for partnership – after all finding some common ground to start on is just what’s needed. Plus in this busy world where we’ve come to rely 100% on automated systems – grocery delivery, gas refills, fashion buying, food delivery – why should dating be any different? But shouldn’t it?

As I sit in one of the most popular coffee joints in Mountain View, Red Rock Cafe and write this – I keenly observe a young gentleman swiping through his phone showing a barrage of photos of young women to his male friend. A gorgeous young woman sat right across him somewhat interested in the chatter, as I thought to myself – on a normal occasion a sweet glance across the table would have possibly resulted in a real connection and possibly led to a dating situation. But not here, because everything was lost in the swiping right discussion that ensued between the gentlemen.

The skepticism and exhaustion around dating apps is unmissable though. Ask anyone who has used them – pretty much everyone is tired of the process, but it seems there are limited ways to circumvent the dating process in the modern day.

A conundrum – plenty of options might sound exciting for the mind & body, but seems like most people are looking for “A” suitable partner at least for the time being. To shed light on this explosion of choices, Aziz Ansari conducted focus groups with the elite sociologist and co-author, Eric Klinenberg to discover the modern lovers are indeed looking for love, marriage and long-term partnership through dating apps. The whole experience however, is confusing and meaningless dating experiences seem to leave people more isolated than ever before.

In my personal discussions with the eligible singles in the area, here are some major challenges and complaints:

The Dudd Studd!

As one friend described it – you never know till you meet the person. It’s easy to put our best foot forward in our online profiles. Filters and apps can augment not only the lips, but boobs, curves and everything else visually pleasing to the eye! And this goes for both the sexes. Apparently taller men do better, as do women who resemble the Kardashian clan.

Many have cynically come to expect what you see on the app is not you may get.

The Oozing Insecurities

If the date starts with talking poorly about the exes, colleagues, dating experiences etc, it may be an indication of insecurities waiting to escape like fizz from popped soda can. Talking about ex-flames until a solid formation is founded in a relationship is mostly unpleasant anyway. Though bad dating stories can be entertaining, but brining the burden of past relationships is often tricky.

To Split or Not to Split 

There are some serious opinions in the Valley about splitting the bill. There are guys who strongly feel that a woman must split the bill – else, the date is a deal-breaker! Not sure about a deal-breaker, but I definitely think splitting is the right idea. I hear the men often say, they’re tired of being used as dinner providers for women – it’s best to avoid such situations all together. At the same time, there are men who pride on treating the woman right by paying during the date. For the ladies, it’s always best to offer – it takes the burden away from the date.

Authenticity & Manners Still Count

As a friend once said, dating in the Silicon Valley is about meeting each other’s façade first – seeing if the façade can connect before the real self can tolerate each other. Shedding unresolved outer self is critical to a more intimate connection in the first place.

Experiences count – plesasant interactions matter. After all, there are only so many Friday nights in your life. It’s best we make them count!

Interesting articles about dating in the Silicon Valley:

• Aziz Ansari – Modern Romance – Time Magazine
• Is Silicon Valley the best place to be a single woman in America
• The best and worst cities for women looking to marry – Pew Research
• Silicon Valley matchmaker – Love Marriage Dating – The Guardian
• How hard is it to date women in Silicon Valley
• Silicon Valleys gender imbalance in one chart