Happiness – an all-encompassing word that defines fulfillment, contentment, bliss, prosperity, pleasure, and physical and mental well-being. Most of us experience fleeting instances of happiness, but sustaining that feeling of pure bliss often seems like an elusive dream. After all, at any given time, our happiness appears to be a function of circumstances surrounding us – our relationships, our work, our financial condition, and our larger human community. But what if there was a formula for happiness? Something tangible we all could work towards? A means to capture the ever-elusive happiness?

In October 2013, Salesforce organized it’s annual conference called Dreamforce – the biggest cloud computing event of year. The keynote speakers for the event were Dr. Wayne Dyer, Dr. Deepak Chopra and Dr. David Agus. The speakers talked about how we can make our lives more meaningful and happy. In particular, each of these thinkers talked about how we can catch the fleeting butterfly called “happiness”.

Perhaps the most important finding discussed during the event was not a new product or service, but a formula for happiness. As our esteemed readers may already know, scientists have been able to identify the precise formula that governs our happiness. There are different versions of the formula, though all of them have at least 3 basic components:

Happiness formula: H = S + C + V

1. H = Happiness

2. S = Set point

Set point is a marker in the brain, which interprets an event in life as a problem or opportunity. In other words, the same event can be viewed as a problem or an opportunity depending on the conditioning of each person’s brain. Our set point is established fairly early during our infancy, and largely dependent on the type of parenting we are exposed to. In particular, set point may be determined by the bond mothers and babies share during infancy, because babies’ neural networks mirror the neural networks of their parents. Set point plays an important role in determining our daily happiness, nearly 50% of it. The good news is that humans are capable of changing their set points. Even if we’ve experienced an unfulfilling childhood, we can still find sustained happiness by changing our set point through mindfulness, meditation, transcendences and other mental exercises. 

3. C = Conditions of living

Conditions of living impact our level of happiness. Money and physical resources are primary components determining our living conditions. Our living conditions impact nearly 10-20% of our happiness on a daily basis. However, happiness does not exponentially rise with more money. Having lots of money is a constant source of worry, as is having too little money. Therefore a lifestyle afforded by the middle-class might be a great place to be happiness wise! 

4. V = Voluntary actions

Voluntary actions we conduct, determine the remaining 30-40% of our happiness. Voluntary actions are made up of the following:

1. Choices we make for our personal pleasure – As humans, our personal pleasure is important to us. In fact, we go to obscene lengths to fulfill our personal pleasure. In case you were wondering what the top source of personal pleasure for US residents is – no it’s not food – it’s shopping. Yes, shopping gives us more pleasure than eating and even sex.
2. Choices we make to fulfill ourselves – This includes creative expression of our inner being (hobbies, work, pursuit of talents etc), and establishing meaningful relationships (with our loved ones and our larger community). In fact, the fastest way to be happy is to make someone else happy by showing care, attention and listening – thereby helping our own wellbeing.

The formula for happiness gives us a lot of hope. If our basic needs for food, clothes and shelter are met, through mindfulness we can improve our overall sense of wellbeing. By investing in meaningful relationships and creative expression of our inner self, we can further improve our sense of happiness. 

If meditation is not an option for some readers, there are still simple ways to improve our happiness quotient. Based on recent research on neuroplasticity (featuring research conducted with Dr. Rudolph Tanzi – Super Brain), Dr. Chopra discussed how we can experience happiness, lead more happy and fulfilling lives by making simple and mindful changes. In particular, Dr. Chopra and his research assistant analyzed the gallops results for career and emotional well being. What he found was not shocking, but intriguing nonetheless. 

1. Humans love attention

According to findings from gallop polls, Dr. Chopra found that employees ignored by their supervisors are emotionally worse off compared to employees criticized by their supervisors. As humans we would rather be criticized than ignored. But how can we use the finding to share happiness? By simply listening and giving attention to our loved ones, we can increase their state of happiness and subsequently ours. So don’t ever forget to lend an ear to your friend who is feeling down and low.

2. Happy friends make you happy

According to findings, if you have a happy friend, then you are likely to be 15% happier. If your friend has a happy friend, then the chances of you being happier increase by 10%. The world would indeed be a happier place if a lot of us were happy. With the world becoming a smaller, why not increase your loved one’s happiness quotient instantly – send a loving text message this very moment to someone you care for. Chance are your happy message will go a long way in making the world a happier place.

3. Our bodies are constantly changing

Our body is being reborn all the time – we are not the same people we used to be even minutes ago. Our physical composition is always changing – the cells in all parts of our body die and are re-born. Our mental mood impacts the health of each of these old and new cells. Our body is therefore not a NOUN, but a VERB. Our body is an activity, a flow of energy that’s constantly transforming based on our experiences. Further, our mind and body is an ecosystem encompassing our surroundings, our mental health, our relationships, and our community. Our wellbeing is influenced by our physical and mental health, our wealth, our careers, our families and everything else in between. Therefore, we are not stuck with the same body throughout our lives. We have the capability to change our body at any given time. Thinking about a healthy habit such as walking? Do it, because it will indeed change your body inside out.

4. Love is the inseparability of life with life 

Human beings function best when they are loved and when they share love. Love is the essential emotional bonding humans share with each other. Experiences – such as the one a mother shares with her child – is the undercurrent for the immune system the child develops. Once we experience love and compassion we are able to connect to the larger ecosystem that binds us all – a system that keeps us all healthy and happy. Emotions have a lot to do with how we are all connected with each other. Notice how your friend’s terrible mood messes up your zen? It’s because your friend and you are connected via the inseparable human consciousness. If one of us is unhappy, the other cannot be truly happy.

Scientists, thinkers and philosophers all seem to agree compassion, love, humility, equanimity, and caring are critical for a happy life. These prescriptions are beyond space and matter – qualities that transcend what we can see and feel. When we start experiencing and exhibiting all these intangible feelings, we transcend fear, anxiety and misery. That’s when we truly start connecting with conciseness of our entire ecosystem – the entire creation.

Our collective conciseness conceives, governs and manifests the world as it appears today. And in this collective experience, there is no me without you. The only way we can be truly blissful is if we are connected to the collective experiences and practice the ultimate truths in our daily lives – compassion, love, humility, equanimity, and caring!

Lastly, we share a wonderful video making rounds around the world. Who knew Pharrell Williams would one day become the voice of a generation. Enjoy a collection of videos featuring regular people just being happy – clap along if you know happiness is the truth! 

Videos to make you happy:

Pharrell Williams – HAPPY (Album – GIRL)

Deepak Chopra – Keynote speaker at SalesForce

Articles to read:

• A Formula for Happiness, NY Times
• The Happiness Formula – A Simple Equation to Make you Happier, Examiner
• What is happiness, PBS
• 24 hours of happy by Pharell Williams

The New Years brings new resolutions to look and feel our best, and to lose the unwanted pounds once and for all. In my own experience, I usually start out working at least an hour per day for the first 2 weeks. The fitness enthusiasm declines precipitously by the end of January and old sedentary habits feel too hard to break. But this year however, I am trying something different – short yet effective workouts scientifically proven to aid weight loss and improve health. It’s called HIIT – High Intensity Interval Training and here’s why you should HIIT it too!

Science says ditch the traditional workouts

Did you know you can burn “9 times the fat (calories) with 30 minutes of high-intensity aerobic / anaerobic exercise than 30-40 minutes on treadmill?” That’s what a Canadian study found observing 27 inactive, healthy, non-obese adults between 18 and 32 years of age (Source: Tremblay et al, 1994).

Here are highlights from this pathbreaking study:

1. Though Group 1 burnt twice the calories during the workout, Group 2 continued burning calories after the exercise.
2. The biggest shocker – Group 2 lost up to 9 times more subcutaneous fat (responsible for cellulite women dread) in 15 weeks, than Group 1 lost in 21 weeks. Dr. Tremblay’s team looked at the muscle biopsies and muscle enzyme activity as well.
3. The metabolism was substantially raised in Group 2, whereas Group 1 experienced no additional calorie metabolism post the work-out.

Though the Canadian study had a small sample size and conducted in 1994, other recent studies noted similar effects.

1. HIIT was associated with decreased appetite, increased post-exercise oxygen consumption, and improved endurance (Source: Health Guidance).
2. In a popular study conducted by Professor Tabata indicated that 20 seconds of HIIT followed by 10 seconds of rest (for 8 cycles) helped Olympic speed skaters better than traditional steady-state training (Source: Tabata et al; 1996).
3. Professor Gilabala found that study participants who worked out 3 times a week of HIIT had the similar results compared to those working out at a steady-rate (Source: Gibala et al, 2012) (HIIT workout included 3 minutes of warm up, 60 seconds of intense exercise at 95% VO_2max, 75 seconds of rest, repeated 8-12 times, 3 minutes of cooldown. Steady-rate workout was at 50%-70% VO_2max).
4. In a more recent study from 2008, 27 obese women were exposed to either low-intensity exercise (5 days a week) or high intensity exercise (3 days a week) or no exercise (or existing exercise levels). The study found that women in the high intensity exercise group significantly reduced total abdominal fat, abdominal subcutaneous fat, and improved cardio respiratory fitness, compared to low-intensity exercise and no exercise groups (Source: Irving et al; 1998).

How will you HIIT it?

Given the benefits of HIIT with just 20-30 minutes of workout, Professor Hawley of Australia questions the traditional cardio-vascular training methods, and recommends high-intensity workouts as a potent and efficient workout method instead.

Based on our personal experience, we suggest some easy ways to incorporate HIIT into your workout regimen:

• 3 minutes of warm up (walking at brisk pace), followed by 8-12 repetitions of 60 seconds of intense activity (80%-95% heart rate) followed by 60 seconds of recovery and 3 minutes of cool down. We’ve tried this routine and the workout was painfully difficult but exceptionally invigorating. 
• This regimen can be adopted for running, biking, or other types of aerobic and strength training workouts.
• Note however, the high-intensity interval must burn. If you’re not ready to pass out by the end of the interval take the intensity up a couple of notches.
• HIIT should not be confused with Interval Training. In fact, HIIT is an enhanced form of Interval Training with short bursts of extreme aerobic activity followed by a short recovery period.
• 3 HIIT workouts a week are typically sufficient to begin with. However, performance can be adapted to improving endurance over time.

“Eat less and move more” is the commonly cited mantra to weight loss. But time spent moving  depends on the demands on our personal and professional time. Those with young families or exceptionally busy careers often find it hard to make time for exercise. They’d rather catch a breath curled up on the sofa than exercise for hours.

But most of us can manage to spare 20-30 minutes 3 times a week. Using those 20-30 minutes to exercise smartly and efficiently may bring the elusive weight loss results we’ve been awaiting for all along.

For all Freakonomics lovers, here’s a fun podcast you shouldn’t miss – What is the best exercise? Run through your exercise options and see what works best for you. We’re sticking to HIIT this year around.

References:

• Irving et al, Effect of exercise training intensity on abdominal visceral fat and body composition, Med Sci Sports Exerc. 2008 November; 40(11): 1863–1872. doi:10.1249/MSS.0b013e3181801d40, Link: http://www.carnevalijunior.com.br/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/effect-of-exercise-training-intensity-on-abdominal-visceral-fat-and-body-composition-20081.pdf
• Izumi Tabata; Kouji Nishimura, Hirai Motoki, Futoshi Ogita, Motohiko Miyachi, Kaoru Yamamoto, National Institute of Fitness and Sports in Tokyo, Japan Medicine & Science in Sports & Exercise. 28(10):1327-1330, October 1996
• J.A. Hawley, High-intensity interval training for health and performance: A polarized perspective, Proceedings of the Australian Physiological Society, Link: http://aups.org.au/Proceedings/44/94P/94P.pdf
• Martin J Gibala,¹ Jonathan P Little,² Maureen J MacDonald,¹ and John A Hawley^3, Physiological adaptations to low-volume, high-intensity interval training in health and disease, J Physiol. Mar 1, 2012; 590(Pt 5): 1077–1084. Link: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3381816
• Tabata et al, Effects of moderate-intensity endurance and high-intensity intermittent training on anaerobic capacity and VO2max, Med Sci Sports Exerc. 1996 Oct;28(10):1327-30. Link – http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8897392
• Tremblay et al, Impact of exercise intensity on body fatness and skeletal muscle metabolism, Metabolism, Vol 43., No. 7 (July), 1994, page 814-818, Link: http://www.colorado.edu/intphys/Class/IPHY3700_Greene/TIPS/exIntesity/Tremblay.pdf

Read More:

• Studies and articles on benefits of high intensity short duration workouts
• Clients with no time need to HIIT it!
• HIIT Vs. Continuous Endurance Training: Battle Of The Aerobic Titans

Today is the June 21st, the International Yoga Day! But do we really know about the miracles of Yoga beyond on-trend tags like Hot Yoga or Power Yoga?

When we think of Yoga we often think of springy, bendy people in twisted poses. On the contrary, Yoga has little to do with external poses, but all about the union and harmony of mind, body and spirit. Yoga is derived from the Sanskrit word “yuj”, which means “to unite”, and the earliest of Yogic practices can be traced to over 5000 years ago from India.

The goal of Yoga is to attain enlightenment – or the union of the spirit with the Universe. It’s said that Shiva, the most prominent Hindu deity, himself was a profound Yogi and practiced all forms Yoga. Traditional yogic practices are diverse in Hinduism, Jainism, and Buddhism.

According to Hinduism, at least 6 forms of Yoga can be practiced and experienced:

1. Jnana Yoga – Jnana or “knowledge” is the union of soul with the Universe experienced through pure knowledge. Salvation is attained by gaining knowledge about our being, and about the “absolute”. According to Jnana, knowledge alone is sufficient in attaining salvation, without the need for other religious practices.
2. Bhakti Yoga – Bhakti or devotion to a personal God is regarded a path to salvation or “moksha”. Bhakti yoga emphasizes the relationship with one’s God, with a ultimate goal to be one with the “supersoul”.
3. Karma Yoga – Karma yoga refers to disciplined or selfless actions, as defined by the Bhagavad Gita. Karma refers to actions conducted in service to others, and the selflessness or non-attachment to actions helps the Yogi seek salvation. Karma yoga also serves as foundations to Buddhist philosophy.
4. Kundalini Yoga – Laya or Kundalini yoga is the practice of focusing on awakening the kundalini (core of the spirit) through regular practice of meditation, Pranayama, mantras and yoga asanas.
5. Hatha Yoga – Hatha or force is the Yogic practice is the most popular and ancient form of Yogic practice. According to Hinduism, Hatha Yoga was founded by Shiva, the most prominent Yogi in Hindu philosophy. The modern day Yoga asanas find their origin in the ancient Hatha yoga asanas.
6. Raja Yoga – Raja refers to a king, and Raja or Ashtanga Yoga refers to the consequent goal of Yoga – “moksha”. Raja Yoga refers to the goal of yoga, and not to the process and practice of Yoga.

Yoga can be practiced in many ways, with a goal to attain unity of mind, body and soul, with everything else around us. However, there are 8 Yogic principles defined for Yoga purists in Yoga Sūtras of Patañjali – the foundational text for Raja Yoga.

The 8-Fold Path of Yoga

1. Yama: Yama prescribes non-violence, truthfulness, consistence in behavior, honesty in conduct, and non-covetousness
2. Niyama: purity of body and mind, contentment in all circumstances, self-discipline, self-study (contemplation), and devotion to God and guru
3. Asana: Asana refers to the correct posture during Yoga practice
4. Pranayama: Prana – or the soul and undercurrents of our being, is managed through the practice of Yoga
5. Pratyahara: This is the internalization of self through withdrawal of the senses from external objects
6. Dharana: Dharana refers to “Ekagra” or focused concentration of the mind on a thought or object
7. Dhyana: The practice of meditation, and the union of the spirit and mind with the Universe refers to Dhyana
8. Samadhi: Samadhi, or the ultimate goal of a Yogi refers to the supernatural experience being one with the Universe

Yoga has seen an unprecedented resurgence in both the East and the West. Widely recognized as the panacea for intractable health and social problems, individuals and major corporations are embracing Yoga like never before.

We may all know the benefits Yoga has on blood pressure, chronic back ache, mental wellness and overall personal stability. Recent research indicates that Yoga also has helps manage diseases that have no modern day cures yet:

1. Body Inflammation – Inflammation in the joints or in various parts of the body is typically treated by using Steroids or Anti-Inflammatory drugs. However, even a 3-month regimented practice of Yoga can make remarkable difference in human body. Research indicates “meditative sun salutations and downward dog poses can reduce inflammation, the body’s way of reacting to injury or irritation”. Blood tests before and after the research indicate that after 3 months of yoga, protein markers for inflammation were lower by 10 to 15 percent. 
2. Diabetes – Research from India indicates that “using the Yoga Nidra practice by relaxing in a meditative state helped Diabetes patients Results of this study suggest that subjects on Yoga-nidra with drug regimen had better control in their fluctuating blood glucose and symptoms associated with diabetes, compared to those were on oral hypoglycaemics alone”. Given South East Asian communities have high burden of Diabetes because of inactivity and poor eating habits, these findings are particularly inspiring. 
3. Multiple Sclerosis – A four month study indicates, patients experienced “Significant improvements in functional strength, balance, and peak expiratory flow and a trend toward improvements in mental health and quality of life outcomes were detected following the Yoga intervention”. The Yoga technique used was the Ananda Yoga, a technique emphasizing yoga postures and breathing exercises. In addition, attention, physiologic alertness, mood, anxiety, fatigue, and health-related quality of life can also be improved in MS patients through Iyengar Yoga practices, as found by Oregon Health & Science University. 
4. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) – Yoga meditation also has significant beneficial impacts on anxiety, depression and most importantly PTSD. In a randomized control trial, effects of yoga and a breathing program were studied on disabled Australian Vietnam veterans diagnosed with severe PTSD. After 6 weeks of study, “the yoga and breathing group had dropped their CAPS scores from averages of 57 (moderate to severe symptoms) to 42 (mild to moderate).”

I for one, am embracing Yoga like never before. With the zest and interest around Yoga on this International Yoga Day, I am undertaking the 30-day Yoga Challenge. You can join me too!

I am starting my challenge on June 21, 2015 and ending the challenge on July 14, 2015.

My Goals

1. Do Yoga everyday for at least 30 minutes
2. End every Yoga session with 10 minutes of Yoga-Nidra or Meditation
3. Log each session’s details and changes in strength level
4. Share experience for the month via Vida Manejo forum

In the meantime, find inspiration with these amazing Yogis on their Instagram pages:

• https://instagram.com/yoga_girl/
• https://instagram.com/kinoyoga/
• https://instagram.com/beachyogagirl/
• https://instagram.com/bryceyoga/
• https://instagram.com/wanderlustfest/
• https://instagram.com/AcroYoga/
• https://instagram.com/laurasykora/
• https://instagram.com/shawnraeyoga/

You have heard about Yoga, you want to try but too scared seeing those extraordinary poses!  You think you cannot do Yoga!

I explain why Yoga is just for you.

How shall I start?

Listen to this 10 minute “visualization” exercise offered by Esther Ekhart.

Two years ago, when I first came across this video, I was in a bad phase of my life. During this exercise, I saw myself as a very healthy, a very happy and a very positive person. That is when I realized that I must be fit first to love myself, and when I start loving myself, I will automatically be happy. I am doing quite well today.

Please note that staying ‘fit’ does not mean having flat abs and well-toned body. As much as I’d love to have that body, it is quite impossible in real life. Staying ‘fit’ means maintaining the balance between strength and flexibility in my body; and feeling good about myself.  That is what Yoga does for you!

I do not have time for Yoga! Too busy in life!

Frankly speaking, this excuse amazes me the most! Are we so blinded with our life priorities that we do not even have 15 minutes for our own body. It is quite a pity, actually!

As a starter, just spend 15 minutes doing Yoga. Yes, just 15 minutes. In fact, I was so lazy that I actually started with 10 minutes. Gradually I increased my stamina as well as my dedication.

I can never do those Yoga poses that we see in the pictures

Forget those Yogis who can do inversion, handstand, headstand and so on poses. I can never do those poses in my life, and I am not aiming for that as well. Yoga is very personal. It is about your body and what your body can do. Yoga is never about what others can do! Your job is to challenge yourself as a Yogi, and gradually move ahead.

Okay, let us now start somewhere!

Start with Hatha Yoga. You can also learn Sun Salutation for Beginners. I love this one by Esther Ekhart.

For some reason, the following series of videos were very helpful when I first started Yoga. (It is in Hindi though; but quite simple and basic poses which you can learn and try).

Lastly, please remember

1. You should never do anything that hurts
2. When you are doing Yoga, you are going to stretch your body muscle. This can be a little painful. Challenge your body, and do not give up easily. However, do not “over-do” for the sake of doing. Remember rule no. 1
3. When I started Yoga, I remember having a body pain for a day or so. I quickly realized that I was doing poses incorrectly. I suggest you watch Yoga videos before you start your exercise.

Please leave your comment if you are particularly interested in any kind of Yoga. I have spent 100s of hours exploring and trying Yoga videos. Trust me, more than 75% of these You Tube Yoga videos are useless. Instructors are just interested in showing off their well-toned body and those impossible poses that they are capable of doing. But there are some good e-gurus who genuinely make Yoga look very simple and relatable. I am more than happy to share those You Tube videos with you.

Featured Image: Flickr, MichaelEClarke, Mass Mudra

Ask any Indian grandmother, mother or Indian Aunty about how her hair is so thick and lush and she’ll inevitably say – Coconut oil. We all have fond memories of our moms grabbing us by the head and forcing the coconut oil in our heads for shiny glistening tresses. And the remedy works! Not only for hair, but practically for every possible beauty need there exists.

Coconut is traditionally derived from the fruit of the Coconut palm. The “virgin” coconut oil typically refers to the unprocessed, unrefined and unadulterated version. In fact, coconut oil has made quite an international revival. Long chastised for increasing cholesterol, the current science now says – people actually lose weight when consuming coconut oil. Traditional Asian cultures knew it all along, you can use Coconut oil for all needs – beauty, cooking, health and comfort.

Best Conditioner for Hair

Try coconut oil for your hair and you will be thanking me. There are 2 commonly suggested ways to use coconut oil for hair:

1. Dry to Normal Hair – Once a week, apply lots of oil to your hair. Ensure your scalp gets moisturized. Just dig in and get your hair drenched in oil. Wipe away the excess and keep the oil overnight in your hair. You may want to cover your pillows with a thick tower that night. Don’t worry! The oil washes off the towels just fine. Shampoo your hair twice in the shower next morning and you will be amazed at how smooth your hair is. No conditioner is needed and you will be amazed at the sheen too!
2. Normal to Oily Hair – If you have an oily scalp, don’t oil the scalp but only the bottom half of your usually neglected tresses. Alternatively you can oil the entire head of hair, but just make sure to wash it all off in 1-2 hours. The shine and sheen will be amazing!

Eye Makeup Remover

Have you ever taken a look at the commercial-grade makeup removers? They are full of nasty harsh chemicals that go back in your eye! I apply kohl pencil to my eyes all the time, and use coconut oil dabbed in a cotton ball to remove the make up. The eyes feel a bit greasy but this is essential because makeup often dis-balances the moisture in our skin. The oil also nourishes the skin under your eyes, reducing dark circles. You can wipe away excess oil using a clean cotton swab if you don’t care for the greasy feeling. By the way, Rose hip oil (as the one shown above) also works great!

Moisturizer for Driest of Skin Types

Coconut oil is the only moisturizer I use before leaving for work or the beach. And it doesn’t dry out my skin even in the air conditioner, harsh sun, and dry California weather. The skin literally drinks up the nourishing oil and I have no need to buy moisturizers this winter!

Coolant for Nose Bleeds

A lot of young people get terrible nose bleeds during summer months. Applying a little bit of coconut oil in the nose prevents the membranes in the nostrils from drying excessively and bleeding. It takes about a week for the skin to get used to this therapy but it works great.

Immunity Booster

If you don’t already know cooking with Coconut oil is great for your health. Coconut oil protects the body against diseases like “diabetes, heart disease, chronic fatigue, Crohn’s disease, irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), Alzheimer’s disease, thyroid conditions, energy, and boosting the immune system”. My friends do oil-pulling with coconut oil – they rinse the mouth with a spoon of coconut oil at least once a week drawing out excess bacteria in the mouth. I am yet to try this out!

I don’t recommend any brands of Coconut Oil, but do recommend using only the natural, cold pressed, unadulterated (if that’s even possible in this day and age) organic Coconut oil. If you can get it from a village in Kerala, or some corner of Hawaii, get me a box too!

Have you ever been in a situation when your friend, family or lover asked you for monetary help? Do you believe that we as humans are obligated to bail out our loved ones in time of financial difficulty? Or do you believe that each person has the responsibility to take care of their own financial needs?

Lending money to a friend or family one can be a tricky and touchy subject. We want to help our friends and family in need, but the closer we are to borrower, feelings of judgement and resentment often creep in relationships when money is involved. Bad money management definitely leads to relationships ending poorly. In a study by Dew et al, longitudinal data from 4,574 couples indicated that “both wives’ and husbands’ financial disagreements were the strongest disagreement types to predict divorce.” The study also indicated that “financial disagreements are stronger predictors of divorce relative to other common marital disagreements.” I am assuming, that friendships and family relationships also face the same strain due to financial disagreements or inequity.

Here is My Story

A dear friend of mine asked for money for urgent help she needed to manage her life. My friend is close to my heart and I care about her life outcomes and well-being. But over the past 15+ years, my friend has made constant requests for sizable monetary assistance as I have continued to support her decisions and circumstances. My friend has not been able to return money she borrowed from me because of harsh life circumstances all these years.

I completely sympathize with her circumstances, however, my emotions towards my friend completely changed after she asked for monetary help this time around. As much as I didn’t want to dwell on her sincerity, I realized I resented her inability to manage her finances. These are some of the emotions I am still working through:

I would like to call myself a generous person by most standards, but I feel guilty about my newfound apprehensive emotions toward my friend. I set out to understand what experts say about the matter. After reading about inter-personal borrowing from both the Western and Eastern perspectives, I realized I could have handled this issue differently using either or both of the philosophical approaches:

The Western Philosophy

U.S. based financial counselors recommend the following almost unequivocally:

1. Draw up a contract – Write up a contract and ensure that there are terms and conditions about returning the money in the contract. This will ensure friends and family take the transaction seriously and also sympathize with your current financial situation.
2. Communicate! – There’s nothing wrong in asking for the money you have already lent. Often enough, most people feel ashamed asking for money back. If your friend is unable to return the money, you might have to write this off as bad debt, but don’t forget to ask.
3. Look for signs of poor money management skills – This was a key learning lesson for me. We all face financial problems in life – however some people have better money management skills than others. During my own research in places like Dharavi – the largest slum in Asia, I observed low-income women saving up to 20% of their volatile income, allocating the remainder for their children’s education and household expenses. I was always surprised when I heard my friend say, she consistently has 0 savings. It is only recently I have come to terms with the fact that my friend indeed had poor money management skills, insufficient financial proofing for future, and in-concrete plans for returning the loan accumulated over years. I would have been better off pointing this fact out to my friend instead of trying to fix her problems by constantly lending her more.
4. Say “No” – This is the hardest thing to do, but it is best say no when you cannot lend money or do not want to lend money. It saves resentment and ill-feelings later in life.

The Eastern Philosophy

During my research in India, I observed that friends and family borrowed from each other across all economic spectrums with an oral promise to return the money and most often without a written contract. In many low-income households, the borrower would not return the money on time, yet the lenders continued to lend because of the social obligation. Most people assumed that part of being a good person meant lending to others in times of need. Here’s what I have been able to gather from my own life experiences and understanding about the Eastern philosophies:

1. Maybe you are paying back your “karmic” debt – Eastern philosophies such as Hinduism and Buddhism believe in reincarnation. Therefore, if my friend is asking for help today, it’s possible I owed her from my previous lifetime. Instead of dragging on the debt till the next lifetime, I may be better off helping her and paying my karmic debt off in this lifetime. It’s a food for thought, I have been mulling over for sometime.
2. Accept life as is and do your “karma” – Buddhism teaches us to accept our karma and to be mindful about our reactions to challenges in life – anger, resentment, sadness, suffering and so on. You must have heard – “let life take its course”. Life presents us with challenges so that the soul can re-discover our enlightened state of being. The experiences we attract in our lives are a result of our karma and the path of learning we have chosen for soul. We must therefore treat our friends with compassion whether we ultimately lend money to them or not.
3. Nothing belongs to you anyway – “Maya” or the illusions of ownership are often the root causes of pain and suffering. You may have come across many destitute people with little riches, who beam with happiness and satisfaction. You may have also been around “poor” rich people, who are never happy with the abundance they have. The truth is that anything we acquire beyond basic food and shelter, is a blessing, but we often forget to appreciate this blessing. No one, including the Egyptian Pharaoh has been able to take the material wealth with them posthumous – so sharing with those less fortunate should be a priority whenever possible.

It is often said, “money is the root cause of all evil”. Abundance of money may fuel greed and jealousy, and lack of wealth may fuel unhappiness and discomfort. So how can we live a life of abundance ourselves, but also help those who don’t enjoy the same abundance?

There’s no easy answer here. What are your thoughts about the lending to friends, family or lovers? Do share your lessons learnt and thoughts with us.

Sources: Dew, J., Britt, S. and Huston, S. (2012), Examining the Relationship Between Financial Issues and Divorce. Family Relations, 61: 615–628. doi: 10.1111/j.1741-3729.2012.00715.x

South Asian, on top of that, from a typical middle class family- we deal with parental interference throughout our life.  In general, South Asian parents are not good at expressing emotions but they are quite good at providing instructions on what their children should do in life.

 “Be an engineer, a doctor or a banker”, “Get a job in one of those big companies”, “Get married to this person”, “Have kids”, “Once married, you cannot get a divorce“

And so on!

These are our deep-rooted societal norms that our parents think we should follow. They followed and they think they led a happy life; and thus, as long as we follow, it is perceived we are happy too. But the day we decide to go against the norms, all hell breaks loose.

First, our parents get emotionally and mentally affected. They become sad and upset.

Second, our aunties! They do not leave a single opportunity to remind our parents about our dark future. Parents start getting more concerned about what aunties (read society) perceive about our happiness than what we actually think.

Third, to ensure that we have a happy future, our parents start their emotional drama. The tools range from a subtle coercion (“I am tensed lately because of whatever is happening, that is why I am sick”), passive-aggressive behavior (“You know what we have sacrificed to raise you. I did not raise you to see this day”), to outright aggression (“My only wish before I die, if you can’t do it, we do not need to talk”).

In short, you become a villain and your parents become the hapless victims.

Are parents always right?

I have struggled with this question for years. We love our parents so much that we cannot see them beyond perfection.  Our father is our hero, and mother, our best friend.  They must be always right.

But when our decision is challenged by our parents, and we are made to feel guilty about not able to do what they want, we start feeling suffocated and drained in our relationship with our parents. It cannot be right.

Confront emotional blackmail

Acknowledge that the moment your parents try to hold you responsible for how they feel if you do not do what they want, that is an emotional manipulation.

And it is not healthy. Many individuals have lost control of their entire life and its purpose through such emotional manipulation. Hence, before it gets worse, have guts to confront your parents.

Confronting parents is the most difficult task. We grew up seeking their approval, affirmation and love. We love our parents and we do not want to disappoint them.  But if you do not confront, your parents will never know how their manipulation is creating a hostage situation for you.

Remember emotional blackmail continues as long as you allow it to happen.  In one way, when you confront your parents, you are actually giving them an opportunity to understand you as an individual.

The 3 Cs! Compassion, Counseling and Communication 

As you confront, you also have to understand your parents’ life revolves around their children, and they associate their happiness with their children’s lifestyle. Recently I asked my father, “Why can’t you think of associating your happiness beyond your children? Have you ever thought of traveling? Maybe you will get happiness visiting new places.” He had no answer as he had never thought about it.

Hence, it is important to be compassionate about our parents’ weakness for us. In fact, we can become their counselors by encouraging them discover their dreams and aspiration beyond their children. Happiness is based on perception. It is our perception of circumstances that causes our happiness, not the circumstances themselves. Communicate with your parents about it and help them discover their perception of happiness beyond their children.

After all, parents are just human. They make mistakes just like we do

Acknowledging that parents are normal people with their own strengths and weaknesses has helped me discover my parents as two imperfect individuals who created me- another imperfect individual. And I am finding this equation more appealing.

I have not followed the traditional norms per se, which has not gone so well with my parents. We South Asian children are not used to opening up with our parents, but I decided to make an effort to talk about it. Over the years, I have learned to open up about my life, be more expressive about my feelings, explain my priorities and make them understand what I am.

Unexpectedly, once I started opening up, they too started sharing their fear and assurance about me. I explained why I am perfectly happy with the way I am. As they discovered me as an individual (not just their little girl), all of a sudden, my parents actually started listening to me.

Finally, do not forget to give credit to your parents

I share this quote from Sadhguru about good parenting

“The only thing that you can teach your child is how to survive. …..Always, the parent encouraging the child to learn to think for himself, to use his own intelligence to see what is best for him is the best insurance you have so that the child grows up well.”

Going by this quote, I never fail to flatter my parents by saying they succeeded as parents. At least, their children can make their own decisions about their life.

Featured Image : Flickr, Jake Stimpson

When your heart is broken, or you are confused about which career path to follow, or when you need comforting, who comes to your emotional rescue? Well, boyfriends, husbands and lovers come and go, and they rarely want to stick around to hear about your emotional upheavals. During these troubling times, it’s our girlfriends who deliver!

One thing women across the world will tell you – we need our entourage of lady friends. Friends who practically know every aspect of our life, friends who will tell you that designer dress doesn’t flatter our curves, friends who will baby sit our monstrous kid, friends who will wipe our tears when that jerk breaks the heart!

I am blessed with an amazing circle of girlfriends. Girls who won’t stop talking about their dramatic lives and allow me to do the same, girls who constantly strive to be better women and show me ways to exceed my expectations, and girls who are generous by all counts – if you’re reading this, you know who you are! I wanted to dedicate this post to these amazing girlfriends, hoping our readers will also celebrate their girlfriends. Inevitably, most of us already have the following broad category of girlfriends in life. But if you’re still looking for the next girlfriend, see if this list can help you add great gals to your life to nourish your soul and mind!

1. The Bendy Yogi

Yes, she’s the girlfriend who has mastered the head stance and can also dole out advice about nirvana through good karma credits! Each one of us needs a bendy Yogi in our lives to point out the bigger picture – “OM…let that sh** go!” The Yogi friend is always there to remind us about clean eating, clean thoughts and clean actions – much needed advice when we fall off track in life!

2. The Caregiver

There’s that amazing caregiving friend who nurses you back to health – the one who allows you to curl up on her couch, or fix you some soup when you’re unwell. She’s the closest to mom when mom’s not around. Caregiving friends are a blessing in our toughest days. It’s important however to give care just as generously as we receive care from our caregiver girlfriends!

3. The Social Butterfly

You know the one I am talking about? The high-charisma lady who is almost always the center of attention. Such amazing women may steal your limelight, but will also help you get over a relationship or career-hangover in a jiffy! They have amazing social connections to get you into the liveliest of places and help you bask in the social limelight.

4. The Bad Ass!

She’s the girlfriend one who has everything together even if stuff around her is going down the drain! She’s the one who stays strong, has her career in shape, her life is order and she makes you want to achieve more. She’s the one constantly looking to progress in life and is happy to pull you along. Yup! We need those super-achiever and super-competitive girlfriends who constantly push the envelope to the nth level.

5. The Wander-lusterer

Girlfriends who travel across the globe, help us live vicariously through their international experiences. I eagerly await the pictures on social media accounts from my darling friend with a sever case of wanderlust. She looks serene, content and happy traveling to all corners of the world. Here’s how she does it – she picks a country each year, and just starts to save up. Before the end of the year, she’s already in her desired place!

6. The Sex Goddess

Remember Sex and the City? And remember how the ladies just knew how to have fun with men and spill the beans later? There comes a time in a woman’s life when she needs girlfriends to talk about “adult” experiences. As women we also need a couple of group leaders teaching us all about the amazing things we can experience as a woman! Be it new experiences with yourself or with other adults – there’s always that amazing Sex Goddess helping you aspire for a great sex-life that awaits you!

If you have stories about brilliant women who enrich your lives in more ways than one, do share with us. Have a lovely weekend friends!

Header Image by Nicole Pierce, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun ’11 collection, Attribution – CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

Let me be blunt, mean, angry and honest.

As I am looking at a kid, who cannot be more than 4 years old,  eating chips after chips, I am counting and almost 300 bad calories later, I am thinking what his parents are doing to this kid is tantamount to child abuse.

He is obese and sorry Mama, he is not cute like you think he is…!

Are you telling me that you do not know your child is fat?

There are zillions of articles regarding the prevalence of child obesity worldwide today. There is something called Body Mass Index (BMI) that uses height and weight measurements to estimate a person’s body fat. Any pediatrician you are visiting can possibly provide you information about your child’s BMI.

In any case, if you are too busy to notice the weight of your kid, here is a simple ideal weight body calculator that might enlighten you about your child’s well being.

And I hope you are aware that children who are obese are likely to be obese as adults. Therefore, they are more at risk for adult health problems such as heart disease, diabetes, stroke and so on.

Are you aware that social discrimination can destroy your kid?

Overweight children are socially discriminated way too early in life. I have faced such a discrimination that has had a lasting negative impact on me.

I was not an obese kid. However, I started gaining weight during my early teens. At 13 and not more than 5’1”, I possibly weighed more than 125 pounds.

As I was wondering about the changes in my body, I heard the word “bull dog” from behind. In no time, I was named “bull dog” by my class mates. The bullying and name calling remained for a few years.

Those years were the worst phase of my life. Many times, I hid from people; made no eye contact; started under-performing in my class; and suspected that everybody had a problem with me. Worse, I started blaming myself for being fat and ugly.

It has been 20 years since I left my ‘bull dog’ days, yet, it haunts me even today. Being socially discriminated at school eroded my confidence, and worse, it destroyed my lovely memories from school.

Are you aware that you are actually abusing your child?

You are abusing your child in many ways if you are letting him/her be fat due to his/her dietary and physical activity behaviors (spending way too many hours playing e-games or eating junk or processed food).  While you cannot control everything your child is exposed to outside your home, at least you can influence him/her to have a healthy lifestyle at home. Parents should lead by example by leading a healthy and active lifestyle.

How about not cowering into submission every time your kid throws a tantrum when you say no to extra servings and large portions of cheesy and greasy food for instant gratification or when you say no iPad, iPhone, or other e-games? Maybe a little bit of actually playing ‘in the field’ might help your child.

Trust me, it is no fun being a fat kid…!

Shahid Kapoor got married earlier this year to the pretty young lady – Mira Rajput. He then went on to star in the newest Dharma Productions – Shaandaar, as in GRANDIOSE – or as fans and critics stated A DUD OF GRANDIOSE PROPORTIONS! Disgruntled and green-eyed Shahid fans have started blaming the newly wedded wife for brining immense ill-luck to Shahid. Ironically, it’s an ill-fated career slump his ex-girlfriend Kareena Kapoor faced too, when she publicly dumped Shahid for the much wealthier playboy Saif – the younger Nawab of Pataudi. Kareena hasn’t been able to salvage her career since. The last hit movie she delivered on her own shoulders was “Jab We Met”, ironically again, with Shahid Kapoor as the leading protagonist in the movie.

Shahid has been drool worthy pretty much since Kareena dumped him, but you have to wonder – what possessed or compelled Shahid to take on Shaandaar? It cannot be a handsome renumeration from Karan Johar! From the last we heard Mira Rajput is seriously well-off and given their marriage was a “Shaandaar” Punjabi and Rajput affair – dowry must have taken care of Shahid’s monetary problems for a lifetime.

The movie also stars Alia, whom I am an unabashed fan of. She’s stunning, raw and just capable of great performances given the right script. Not only was her talent wasted in this weirdly juvenile movie, but she’s actually opened herself up for painful jokes about her intellect yet again – remember AIB?

The script had potential – it skirts around issues of gender disparity, patriarchy, positive body image and female empowerment. Pankaj Kapoor has two daughters – one is gorgeous, insomniac, illegitimately birthed from his previous relationship, and the other (his daughter in real life) is sweet, caring and overweight. Pankaj is an adoring father and stands by his daughters as a meek Indian father usually does. Pankaj assumes his insomniac daughter will be able to sleep the day she meets her prince charming, and his overweight daughter will be able to fend for herself at the hands of a vacuous, self-absorbed, skinny women loving, foul-mouthed, arriviste Sindhi boy. Both assumptions are really counter productive to the idea about women’s empowerment – women do not need a man to restfully sleep at night, or a man to tell them how pretty their bodies are. And that my friends is literally what the movie is about – girls finding the right guys and dumping the wrong guys.

I do think it was my bad to expect more from the collaboration of Anurag Kashyap – my favorite director ever, and Karan Johar – my favorite celerity bitch-fest show-host ever! Their partnership has produced loads of crap in the past such as Bombay Velvet. But it’s not like Karan is not capable of making socially sensitive movies. Take Gippi for instance. The story grapples with issues about body image, broken marriages and kids of divorces with magnificent charm! But maybe social filth and carnage depicted by Anurag, and over-the-top-drama and insane color palettes depicted by Karan Johar cannot really ever converge in cinematic artistry. So let’s request the Lord of Movies that the bromance between Anurag and Karan ends for once and for all!

My disappointment with the movie is possibly due to my misplaced expectations with Shahid and Alia. Shahid has spoilt the audience by delivering power packed performances such as Kaminey, Haider, Jab We Met and so many more. Similarly Alia has been a stunner in practically every project, except of course her debut role in Student of the Year. I just expect better from the two and wasn’t really sure what to make of the mess they left behind with Shaandaar.

As I work through my confusion, I recommend watching the movie only if you’d give anything to watch Europe, Shahid or Alia on large screen.

I am one of those Bollywood fans who gets proud witnessing the success of our actresses. Not all are born with a Kapoor, a Bachchan or a Khan surname, yet some actresses have made it on their own. Deepika, Priyanka, Kangana- they all started somewhere, faced failures, yet managed to rule Bollywood due to their continuous hard work.

Bollywood is also a Kingdom of three Khans- Shahrukh, Aamir and Salman. The foremost milestone for any Bollywood actress is when she manages to work with ‘the’ Khan. It does not matter if she is a 20-year old young girl – the moment she dances around a tree with these men in their 50s, her credibility as an actress is established. I do not blame the Khans. When a 64-year old Rajanikant can do it, why not our good looking Khans? As long as we are not fed up of Khans  doing the same old tricks for past 25 years (Shahrukh’s Rahul-Raj true love; Salman’s larger-than-life Bhai;  Aamir’s holier-than-thou avatar), our Khans will continue embracing younger actresses and discarding older ones.

Nonetheless, things are changing.

There are many actresses who have now managed to come out of the Kingdom of the Khans and create a brand for themselves. Deepika, the current Bollywood female superstar, has been using her star power to raise awareness about mental illness and depression by sharing her own struggle with depression. Kangana, who inspires millions of small town girls with her “rags-to-riches” life story has been vocal about why she would not endorse any fairness cream. Priyanka, another small town girl, who is gradually making her presence felt in Hollywood as well has been vocal about racism.

These are women who have achieved their stardom on their own merits and are now demanding an equal pay for the star power they bring to a movie- a fair demand considering the box office performances of most of the movies these women were part of without the presence of any Khan! Tanu Weds Manu, Piku, Mary Kom, and so on! I have to admit that it was Deepika that overshadowed Shahrukh Khan in Chennai Express. It is rumored that Shahrukh asked the filmmaker that Deepika’s name should be before his name in the credits (thank you Shahrukh). Without the presence of any prominent male actor, Kangana’s Queen and Priyanka’s Mary Kom did an amazing business. Today, a big movie Bajirao Mastani that is facing Shahrukh’s Dilwale in December is relying on Deepika’s and Priyanka’s fan following. That is the kind of power  women of Bollywood are enjoying these days.

While it is an exciting time to be a woman in Bollywood, and these successful actresses are raising a voice against gender disparity in wage, one accomplished actress who has been working for 15 years commented, and I quote, “Actresses are paid what they should be. At least, I am happy the way I get paid.  That’s why it’s always nice to do a film with Salman, Aamir, Shah Rukh, Akshay, Ajay — because the budget is always high.”

And she is none other than Kareena Kapoor Khan.

Mrs. Kapoor Khan is wrong and regressive in many ways. Unlike her, not all women are “lucky enough” to be able to “associate themselves with successful men” to be paid well in life. Gender disparity in wage is a serious global and social problem that exists in all sectors at all levels. This Time Magazine article might enlighten many people (like Mrs. Kapoor Khan). It quotes:

“Women earn 77% of what men earn. Even after accounting for the fact that women often work in different occupations and industries than men, as well as differences in work experience, union status, education and race, 41% of that gap is still unexplained. When social scientists control for every employment factor that could possibly explain the disparity, women still earn 91% of what men earn for doing the same job.”

People like Mrs. Kapoor Khan should know that gender discrimination has tarnished most of us. If you are a woman, you are likely to be paid less than your male counterpart no matter how talented and educated you are. Just take this study finding to understand the seriousness of the gender discrimination that we are facing. As per the data provided by Center for American Progress, women would need a doctoral degree to earn the same as men with a bachelor’s degree.

Luckily the world is not made up of Mrs. Kareena Kapoor Khan alike and there are many powerful women who defy such regressive views. Even our own so-called ‘dumb’ Alia Bhat is raising a voice against the discrimination (and rightly so because she is as successful as her male counterpart Siddharth Malhotra and Varun Dhawan).

As a lifelong Bollywood fan, I sincerely hope our actresses move out of such regressive views and create their own place in Bollywood.

And for now, kudos to Deepika, Priyanka, Kangana, Alia and many other actresses for standing up against the gender discrimination. More women power to you!

No other day is a better day for me to tell the world that I am a proud sister of my brother who is an anthropologist, a poet, a painter, a writer, a film editor, a political scientist, a sociologist, a PhD student, and the ONLY child prodigy possibly born in our extended family. Not a single person can deny the fact that no one (and I say no one again) is as gifted as my brother in our extended family, at the same time, the most humble person.

It just so happened, he is also gay.

Because he is gay, he can’t be good!  His achievement, his knowledge, his kindness, his compassion- all traits that would make him an “ideal person” is overshadowed by his sexual orientation.

As a sister, and more important, the first person in the family with whom he chose to open up about his sexuality- it has been a tough journey balancing my support for my brother and counseling/convincing my parents about his sexuality.  Being from close knit, middle class, traditional South Asian family, I can understand why my parents are affected by his sexual orientation. They have gone through hard times in life, they have struggled so their children have a bright future and they want a perfect life for their children. Being gay is still a taboo in our society.

My parents’ reaction to their son’s sexuality has evolved over time- shocked in the beginning, ashamed for some time and acceptance in their own way. For my mother, it is all about her unconditional love for her son. “Whatever he is, I love him, I accept him”. She now sees being gay as a natural phenomenon. “I cannot go against the nature. There are many things that cannot be described. We must accept it as it is”  For my father, it is his ability to embrace life as his destiny. “Whoever he is, I accept it as my fate”. Yet, they are still not able to speak openly about my brother’s sexuality with others.

Writing about my brother’s sexuality has been an important decision for me. Being a politically engaged person, my brother- and I along with him- feels that being public about sexual identity is very important. For many gay people like my brother, coming out as a gay person itself is part of a larger struggle for civil rights for which they take risks. However, it is important for my brother to go public about it, and it is equally important for me to share how I supported both my brother and my parents.

This is what I did.

First, counseling parents. Expecting parents who are so entangled in societal norms and tradition to accept homosexuality in one go is quite unfair.  At the same time, your gay sibling gets immensely hurt realizing your parents’ inability to accept his sexuality.  Your sibling longs for the same treatment from parents that his straight siblings are getting. That is when you come in. It is your responsibility to counsel your parents and remind them how your gay sibling is no different from you. Remind parents of his goodness, how he is normal and how parents should still be proud of him.

Second, discarding and ignoring relatives who pity parents. I hate when relatives say “Poor parents”. My brother has not murdered any person, he is not a drug addict, and he has never done anything shameful for anyone to pity my parents for his deeds. I call it a sheer ignorance, and I pray to Lord that such relatives are enlightened one day and they get ability to accept humans as they are.  Lately someone suggested, “For the sake of the society, why should he not marry a girl and keep his sexuality a secret?”  My brother would never do that because he has never been ashamed or apologetic about his sexuality, but gay men marrying under societal pressure is quite normal in South Asia (point is also why ruin a woman’s life for selfish reasons).

Third, counseling gay sibling too. My brother will possibly not agree with me, but unconsciously he thinks everyone in the family judges him for his sexuality. He recently commented, “That cousin has stopped talking with me because I am gay” which is completely untrue because the concerned cousin is the most compassionate and non-judgmental person among us. I realized that my brother is suspicious about others’ behavior, and thus, he tends to isolate himself from everyone. Keep reassuring your sibling that not everyone is against him and people love him the way he is. Remember your gay sibling has gone through and is still going through difficult times that you never faced or will never face. He is the one who is being discriminated, and he needs your support and counseling too.

Finally, have enough courage to tell the world that your sibling is gay and he should not be judged for his sexuality. I never realized this could be a big support for your gay sibling, but apparently it is.

Lastly, this comes from my brother, “I am still very lucky to have parents who have accepted my life in whatever way they can. Not all gay people have that kind of privilege. I am quite proud of my parents.”

Yes, my brother, we are lucky to have such parents who have acknowledged our choices in their own way. They do not need to be vocal about our choices, or completely accept our choices. Yet, allowing us ‘do the right thing’ without putting any parental pressure itself is something that we should be extremely proud of.

So here I am, my brother- doing the right thing- not for you, or for me- but for all those gay people who have to deal with discrimination, isolation and loneliness- openly telling the world that I am extremely proud of you as an individual.

It ‘just so happened’ you are gay, just like it “just so happened” that I am straight.

With the holidays around the corner, mega movies are about to hit the theaters. We are anxiously awaiting:

1. Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s Bajirao Mastani (BRM) starring Deepika Padukone, Priyanka Chopra and Ranveer Singh in the lead
2. Rohit Shetty’s Diwale with Shahrukh Khan, Kajol and forgettable people in the lead
3. Imtiaz Ali’s Tamasha starring Deepika Padukone and Ranbir Kapoor in the lead
4. Sooraj Barjatiya’s Prem Ratan Dhan Payo starring Salman Khan as Prem and practically his niece Sonam Kapoor in the lead (already in theaters)

Given the stellar line up of movies, I feel nothing but sorrow for Sanjay Leela Bhansali. I wonder if Shahrukh and Rohit Shetty’s Diwale frenzy and the Imtiaz’s cult followers are going to leave any opportunity for Bhansali’s movie to breathe. I for one am not a fan of the Bhansali’s work at all – it’s grand theatrics, ostentations sets, and non-stop melodrama. But you have to give it to the guy. He believes in his vision for years on end, even if the rest of the world mocks him and tears him down.

For example, Bhansali has been known to have pursued Salman and Aishwarya for years to star in the movie as the lead pair in the BRM. Sadly for fans, Aishwarya and Salman broke up and Bhansali remained loyal to Aishwarya instead of Salman. Salman left no stone unturned to insult Bhansali till he finally shelved the idea of BRM. He instead went to produce crappy movies with A-listers gone bust. There was Guzaarish with Hritik and Aishwarya; Saawariya with Rani, Sonam and Rabir. But things are starting to look up for Bhansali with the golden girl Deepika Padukone in his kitty. Not only was the romeo-joliet remake Ram Leela a brilliant hit, but there’s may be hope for Bajirao Mastani with Deepika starring as Mastani.

For nonpartisan Bollywood lover like myself, I am rallying for Bhansali. With passing years, I have become fundamentally opposed to the Khan brigade for several reasons.

1. Khans want to make the country stupid!

Think about the last good movie that Shahrukh Khan made – probably a decade or two ago – Chak De India, Paheli and Swades. That was the last time the man bothered earning his money as an actor. Both Swades and Paheli flopped and SRK quickly realized that our country of 1.5 billion could care less about acting chops or a script. The audience wants cliched-arm-open scenes with moist-eyed 40+ year old hero romancing a 20+ year old hottie in a sheer sari, dirty dance numbers, brainless romance in obscure foreign locales, and Ram-Laxman love between male leads. So honestly, does Indian audience need movies like Nolan’s Interstellar? Hell no! We have our own galaxy full of sickly bad-ass movies – Happy New Year, Chennai Express and now Diwale. If you don’t believe me check these posters out – it’s like Diwale Dulhania Le Jayege and Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham cross-bred yet again.

Less said about Salman’s movies, the better! Bhai wants to ensure pretty women in the movie do little or nothing…I mean, not like actresses can pull audience in a theater with meaty roles?

Aamir Khan of course is above any categorization – he might as well change his last name to Aamir Kappor of the incredibly talented Kapoor lineage. And then there’s Saif Ali Khan, a total lost cause since his wedding – remember Humshakals, Bullet Raja? We lost Langda Tyagi to Kareena a long time ago! Also included in the Khan list is Saajid Khan and his sister Farah Khan, who are sadists – they enjoy unleashing suffering on their audience year after year!

2. Salman Bhai is a hater and it isn’t cool anymore!

I was pretty disappointed with Salman’s idiotic comments about Guzaarish being a worthless melodrama that even doggies wouldn’t watch? Come on now, why insult the dogs like that? Though, Bhansali lifted the entire movie from the Oscar winning The Sea Inside, he tried…he really did.

During the release of Prem Ratan Dhan Payo, Salman further slipped in my good books after hurling insensitivities at our Dhak-Dhak foreign-returned Madhuri. He stated Sonam was better actress than Madhuri…like what? Does he want to get smacked by Sanjay Dutt? Oh, but then Sanjay is still locked up in Pune somewhere…therefore, the audacity! But the whole being-in-the-news-all-the-time plot is so predictable with Salman. Before the release of a movie, he goes around talking crap about competition and belittling them – that’s unprofessional and uncool!

3. Boo! Khans have rigged the movie hit-making game

Remember the massive spat between Ajay Devgn Films and SRK + Aditya Chopra during the release of Son of Sardaar and Jab Tak Hai Jaan during 2012? Ajay Devgn claimed that SRK, Adi and their posse totally screen-grabbed all the theaters leaving no chance for any other movie to show face! Same drama happened during the release of Chennai Express when SRK and Rohit Shetty booked the entire country’s theaters for a million days to make the 500 crores and kill the fans with delight.

Here’s the trick – if SRK does not let anyone else’s movie play in the theater while his is running, there’s no chance anyone else will be the Badshah of Bollywood…ever! We are stuck with aging SRK with 20 year olds forever!

No matter how unimaginative Bhansali’s movies are, he tries hard to capture the attention of the audience by doing something grander each time. He then crawls back under the rock and cries a lot because Khans are mean to him – you’ve got to have sympathy for the man! As a sensitive human being, I therefore support Bhansali’s new venture – Bajirao Mastani.

Lastly, Imtiaz doesn’t need anyone’s good wishes. His brilliant work and soulful movies speak for themselves. There’s no question I am a big fan of Imtiaz Ali and his lovely locks. My heart still aches when watching Rockstar and Highway…I am planning on spending my Christmas listening to songs from all of Imtiaz’s amazing movies –  Khan’s are no competition for him!

Here are some of my favorite Imtiaz songs to hum along

Read more – Is Sajid Khan the Worst Director in India? 

Would you go to a Beauty Salon if you knew this?

For middle-class women across the world, the simple affordable luxury that a salon visit provides is nothing short of desirable indulgence. Accessibility to inexpensive salons is a testament to how times have changed. Once reserved only for the elite, personal beauty services are more attainable compared to even two or three decades ago. The idea of paying around $35 bucks for a pedicure and a manicure together is enticing for a majority of women in America, and for many men too!

Thinking back to my mother’s time, women didn’t really frequent salons all that much – maybe for a wedding or a special occasion. For example, I lived in India for the first 17 years of my life in the 80s and 90s, and my mother never went to salons and so didn’t her friends. Though she moved to the US nearly two decades ago, she dismisses the idea of styling oneself to conform to the worldly beauty standards. She often asks me why I prefer wasting money at a salon when I can give myself a pedicure at home.

Beauty treatments and female bonding

The cultural and economic norms around “appearance management” have changed since I was a young girl. When I was younger, “beauty knowledge” was handed down to me by my mom and my aunts. I remember over the summer vacations, I used to cook vats of wax with my aunts. Cousins would gather around to wax their arms and legs together. And that knowledge stuck with me – I know how to cook wax! I appreciated how my aunts demonstrated the art of creating loose beach tassels by sleeping with wet hair at night in a braid, or how to shape the perfect brow – not too thin and not too thick.

Like other women, I do appreciate the regular visits to salons for basic upkeep. However, on more than one occasion, I have been confronted with uncomfortable working conditions in salons in the U.S. and in India.

Secrets lurking in the Beauty Salons

I wanted to share a painful story of a young woman at the Indira Gandhi International Airport in New Delhi India. On a warm summer day, I was traveling through New Delhi and craved a nice foot massage and a pedicure. I went to a massage place in the terminal itself and was happy to meet Pooja (name changed upon request), a kind and a happy young woman in her early 20s. Pooja had completed her 12th grade and came to New Delhi looking for work. She was employed full-time at the salon for nearly a year and made barely enough to sustain a life in New Delhi. With hopes to make a decent living wage, Pooja continued to slave away her nights and days.

During the course of the work day, Pooja was solicited by many customers – men and women both. Some talked to her poorly asking her to massage them harder and earn her money! Some placed their feet between her bosom to seek sickly momentary pleasure. Others asked her inappropriate questions about her rate for the night. Most didn’t bother tipping her for her incredibly generous and talented services.

The problem is pervasive across borders. Our readers may have read the shocking findings from the 2015 article by Sarah Maslin Nir exposing horrific exploitations immigrant workers were subjected to, by salon owners in the New York area. Workers were underpaid (way below minimum wage), overworked (7 days a week, 10-12 hours a day), and certain ethnic minorities were discriminated worse than others (Hispanics treated worse than Asians). Sadly, the salon owners felt they were doing a favor by hiring and retaining undocumented workers, rarely stopping to think about the hardship their labor practices were causing the workers. The year+ long study helped bring awareness to salon goers, and highlight issues around poor labor practices. But to assume that the problem has been addressed is definitely hoping for utopia in this loosely-governed and exploitative industry.

How can you help?

Affordable luxury can skew the power dynamics between the service provider and the client, especially in social constructs where personal services are not regarded a prestigious profession.

Sadly, self-regulation does not usually work in industries with lax governance, monitoring and evaluation standards. Fair wages, harsh working environments, and exploitation of workers – particularly women will continue being an issue because we – the clients, addictively demand low-cost personal services.

However, the subject is painful for all of us who care about the well-being of workers in any industry. We can be of help by:

1. Boycotting the salon industry, especially salons that offer exceptionally cheap services
2. Supporting salons that provide workers at least the minimum wage
3. Helping workers in other ways by being a voice for their stories and journey – helping workers get connected with Department of Labor (not to be confused with the Department of Immigration Services)

Lastly, regardless of where the readers stand on the issue, it is always gracious to handsomely tip those in the service industry. After all, it’s their respectful and caring hands that provide us the much needed comfort.

What are your thoughts about personal beauty services? We are eager to hear your thoughts about your experiences.

Read More:

1. NY cracks down on nail salons that exploit workers
2. The Price of Nice Nails
3. DIY Natural Sugar Wax for Hair Removal and Smooth Skin

The most fulfilling human projects appeared inseparable from a degree of torment, the sources of our greatest joys lying awkwardly close to those of our greatest pains – Alain de Botton, distilling the thoughts of Friedrich Nietzsche in The Consolations of Philosophy

Tamasha, the latest movie from director Imtiaz Ali had conflicting reviews, and after watching the movie tonight I was compelled to write a review about why you should watch it too!

The story is about a man who has lost his inner purpose and identity. His inner artist is crushed by the hyper-competitive, colorless world. Ved, played brilliantly by Ranbir Kapoor is a Product Manager in the IT world who has submitted himself into leading an insipid robotic life on a journey to nowhere! He meets Tara, played by Deepika, and savors an anonymous fun-filled week vacationing as grown-up kids – happy, carefree and just being! They part and meet again after half a decade, but Ved goes back to being monochromatic – with no passion for life.

As they rediscover each other, Tara realizes Ved is not the same person she had met during the vacation and leaves him. Ved on the other hand is rattled by Tara’s close inspection of his inner fears, his hatred for the rat-race he’s failing at, and his unfulfilled desires as an artist. Tara implores him to rediscover himself as they part ways.

Why Tamasha is Unique

What Ved finds is what each one of us is waiting to discover – we’re all unique and special in our own ways. We all are born with talents no one else can replicate. That’s our soul’s offering to the world. However, most of us either forget to listen to our soul, or poor circumstances prevent us from paying attention to our calling.

The elegance of the movie lies in that Ved and Tara walk their individual paths to self-discovery. Ved is a conformist when he meets Tara, but is forced to break free from his mind’s shackles only once she leaves him. Until then he had been mechanically doing all prescribed things to please her, to please his parents, and to please the world. He needed to feel the greatest pain of abandonment to realize his greatest joy. It wasn’t a woman who could complete his soul’s void, it was his discovery of who he really was within that truly fulfilled his being.

Deepika is Relentless

For all Deepika fans, this movie is nothing but a treat. Not only is Deepika easy on the eyes, she has grown tremendously as an actress. Since Cocktail, she really hasn’t looked back and she has delivered another brilliant performance with Tamasha.

Imtiaz’s Movies Reflect his Soul

Tamasha is not unlike Imtiaz’s other movies – Rockstar, Highway, and Jab We Met. Imtiaz bares his soul; he explores his journey as a creative artist and justifies his commitment to his art via his story telling. He uses the motion picture, lyrics, background score and strong characters to compel audiences to search their souls, to discover elements of their struggle, and to transform challenges into a prescription for a more fulfilled life.

Having said that, all of his movies also seem to follow a somewhat predictable pattern. A sorrowful childhood experience that leads to an unfulfilled adulthood, and the meeting of the hero and heroine leading to a big “ah-ha” self-discovery moment. I am hopeful Imtiaz will break the foreseeable mold in his next soulful movie.

The movie is faintly inspired by Anurag Kashyap’s work – the UP / Bihar inspiration, the background score and the sidekick characters are oddly familiar like the ones seen in Dev D and Gangs of Wasseypur.

Lastly, I also appreciate the covert feminist voice Imtiaz brings to his movies. His heroines have a mind of their own, they break the traditional Indian value system to carve their own destiny despite the hero’s journey. As an ardent Imtiaz fan, I’d like for Imtiaz to sketch bolder female characters as they exist in the world today – heroines who don’t have to be rescued by the hero at any juncture, heroines who know what they want and pursue it consistently.

All in all, Tamasha is a good movie. It needs time and patience from the audience as it reveals itself during the first-half. Hang in there and tell us what you think!

Spoiler Alert! Spoiler Alert! Spoiler Alert!

Spellbound, Dumbfounded and Shocked

That is my expression right now after watching Star Wars: The Force Awakens.

If Star Wars Part IV, V and VI were about Luke Skywalker and his quest to reach his father Darth Vader; and Star Wars Part I, II and III were about Anakin Skywalker and his journey from being a noble Jedi to getting himself into the Dark Side of the Force; Star War Part VII is all about Han Solo, Han Solo and Han Solo.

I might be exaggerating a little bit about Han Solo but growing up adoring Han Solo, it is next to impossible for us not to make this movie about Han Solo.

Han Solo is the same Han Solo we met in Part IV. He is with his friend Chewbacca messing up with rogues- just like good old time. I have to mention that we did miss Jabba the Hutt while Solo and cohort were fighting the crooks. Oh Han Solo! You made this movie the best experience for most of your fans.

But there is a tragic ending …perhaps the much needed tragedy because George Lucas wants us know that Star Wars series are only getting darker; and here we are dealing with the most ruthless psychopath villain in the coming years. The new dark warrior, Kylo Ren, is dangerous, unpredictable and multifaceted.

If the Dark Side of the Force is getting darker; we are also getting a powerful Jedi. And guess what? It is a woman! Yes…a woman Jedi- Rey- is going to fight the Dark Side with her friend Finn- a delusional and redeemed First Order Storm-trooper.

George Lucas gives us enough hints that Rey is powerful, much powerful than what Luke was in the Part IV.  Daisy Ridley, playing the role of Rey, is beautiful, powerful and extremely likable. The moment you see her, she wins your heart. By the time the movie ends, you want to be the part of her journey fighting the Dark Side.

John Boyega as Finn is amazing. He is possibly the new age Han Solo providing that comic timing. Let us see where it goes!

The ending leaves you with more questions than answers.  George Lucas did it deliberately. As we come out of the theater, we are left with wondering who Key is, why Kylo turned into the dark side, and why Luke disappeared. And more important question, ” What will happen next?”

And that is the essence of Star Wars. We fans are left with more questions anxiously waiting for the next movie.

Oh 2017, come fast!

Bajirao Mastani is a wretched love story about Bajirao the stately Maratha Peshwa (equivalent to Prime Minister) and Mastani (a half-Muslim) warrior princess of Bundelkhand. The movie is lavish – magnum opus of sorts, a grand-slam delivered by director Sanjay Leela Bhansali. I loved the speed with Bhansali delivered all elements essential to a Bollywood movie – stunning song sequences, insanely rich costumes, captivating action, drama, and strong characters.

The otherwise flamboyant Ranveer Singh, plays the traumatized and much-in-love Bajiao. Deepika Padukone plays his love interest – Mastani. Mastani is unlike other women of her time – she’s warrior, performer, and a feminist beyond her times. She fights alongside Bajirao when the Peshwa wages a war to save her father’s kingdom against the Mughal (Muslim) Sultanate.

Priyanka Chopra stuns as Bajirao’s wife Kashibai who adores her husband, like the rest of his kingdom. Her portrayal is imbued with quiet restraint and melancholic emotions. Though Bajirao falls in love with Mastani, Kashibai does not take the transgression lightly. Though she accepts her position as the lesser love of his life for the greater good of the kingdom, the love-triangle is tumultuous.

I didn’t expect to love the movie as much as I did. The movie is best enjoyed in a good theater setting, with plush chairs and excellent sound system – after all you will be killing 3 hours at the theater. Bajirao Mastani is like most other Hindi movies – you can enjoy the movie at a very superficial level or delve into each character. Of course, we do the latter in this blog and you should stop here because we discuss the plot and characters in detail.

Warning – Spoiler Alert!

The Kashi Bai (Priyanka Chopra) Angle

Priyanka plays the role of Kashi – the homemaker queen who is happy to take care of Bajirao’s family, household, children and his mother – with whom she shares an honest and endearing relationship. Their love making scene is colored with passionate hues of Holi and showcases the depth of their stable matrimony.

When Deepika – Mastani whirls into Bajirao’s life, Kashi suffers silently, strewn with jealously and agony. At this time, Bajirao was relishing matrimonial and physical bliss with both the women in his life – both of whom bore him sons around the same time. Just like her mother-in-law – venomously played by Tanvi Azmi, Kashi initially discriminates and vehemently rejects Mastani’s influx into her blissful martial life. But Mastani does not back down and eventually becomes the primary romantic influence in Bajirao’s life.

At this point, Kashi’s character sketch falls apart in the typical Bollywood-Bhansali style. Kashi invites Mastani to a women’s gathering where they dance together singing praises of Bajirao – aka the Pinga dance. Kashi eventually however, rejects Bajirao and bans him from her bedroom – an equivalent of divorce of sorts during that day and age. Her love for Bajirao however, does not recede and she strives to save Mastani’s life rising against her own son – Nana Saheb.

The feminist in me cannot reconcile Kashi’s undying love for a man who didn’t really care for her existence and her decision to stay in the marriage. Bajirao saw Kashi as other patriarchal Indian men see their homemaker wives – not of a significant economic value! Kashi seemingly understood this and remained a silent well-wisher in Bajirao’s life. Why she didn’t walk away from the marriage does disturb me – after all she made is clear to everyone in the royal court that she did not approve of Bajirao’s transgressions. Given she was his lawfully wedded wife who didn’t approve of polygamy, she could have retired with significant wealth in her maternal home. Her state is perhaps a disconcerting mark of times and a reflection on the state of women in India – even the royal ones.

The Mastani (Deepika Padukone) Angle

Mastani stuns…period! She is a warrior and fights tooth and nail for her right as Bajirao’s second wife. She’s insulted by the Peshwa’s family, called a prostitute and sneered at, for her Islamic faith. She hangs on for scarps of love she receives from Bajirao.

The sheer strength of Mastani’s character seems so out of world. She fights beside her man, she bears his child without the royal support, and dies a miserable death in captivity awaiting his return. But she fails to see the misery she has caused Kashi as she vehemently pursues her passion for Bajiro. She continues to remain married and reside in Bajirao’s kingdom despite the incessant insults hurled at her.

Though true love may be supreme, but bearing insult for a man who would not fully commit himself as a father or a lover sets an anti-feminist tone. I wonder if the women’s dignity took a backseat given the high political stake and cultural oppression. I doubt these issues even phased Bhansali, who seemed obsessed with justifying the love between Bajirao and delivering the emotional saga slyly. 

The Love Triangle – the Feminist Concerns

The jilted Kashi Bai, the love-struck Mastani, and the aching Bajirao are trapped in a mutual admiration and love fest. Granted the movie was not crafted for feminists, but the movie is a clear reflection about the social acceptance of men’s transgressions, and the women’s acceptance of men’s transgressions despite their social status.

Deep in my heart, I just secretly wished that either Mastani or Kashi would leave the high and mighty Peshwa – not because of concerns around polygamy – after all, to each his own – but his inability to stand up for either women and do justice to their stature. He tries to abdicate his position but is lured right back to war with desires to expand the kingdom. He aches and yearns for Mastani with his last breaths – an emotion all lovelorn lovers can relate to, but isn’t able to save her from the conniving Peshwa family.

In all, I strongly feel that had Bajirao really loved either of the women – especially Mastani, he would have ensured she and his son were safe, alive, and well taken care of. Instead, he left the women in his life to fend and fight for themselves – which was not particularly becoming of a Peshwa or even a common red-blooded man.

Final Thoughts

Despite my viewpoint, I loved the passion with which Bhansali delivered the movie. You can imagine the director living and breathing his characters, war settings, courtroom drama, and the theatrical performances. No detail is missed – the Marathi costumes and the Mughal costumes and jewelry are right on mark. The subtle greens (depicting increasing influence of Islam in the kingdom), and the saffron (depicting the tensed Hindu kingdom) perfectly juxtaposition in this sepia toned movie. The social commentary surrounding intolerance shown from warring parties is impactful – the Peshwa’s desire to establish Hindu supremacy in the country and Mughal’s love for war and carnage.

The movie is must watch for all Bollywood fans and worthy of a discussion over coffee…

We thank all our readers for making 2015 a successful and fulfilling year. We blogged about social issues, Indian mythology, and Bollywood.

Together, we authored 30 blogs, with a total of 91,000 views from 169 countries! Most visitors came from The United States. India & Australia were not far behind.

Top Blogs from 2015

1. Sorry for being away, my Nepal

We were all deeply pained by the terrible earthquake in Nepal as we prayed for the people of Nepal, our friends and family.

2. Magical Effects of Blue Sapphire

Gemstones and their healing powers…the Sapphire being the most popular and significant of all gemstones. We shared our own story about the impact of Sapphire on life.

3. 5 Reasons to Watch the New Mahabharat

We loved the new Star Plus rendition of Mahabharat. We could think of more than 5 reasons to enjoy Mahabharat, and we appreciated you sharing all your views about the new Mahabharat.

4. Mahabharat’s Karna – the Hero or Anti-Hero – Part 1

5. Mahabharat’s Karna – The Philanthropic Warrior – Hero or Anti-Hero – Part 2

6. Why Karna’s Death has Lessons for Modern Indian Male

Karna captivated us! He was hero warrior with a chip on his shoulder. He romanticized his abandonment as a child and his outcast warrior status. He stood with Kurus and was hungry for power. Many of our readers disagreed, making our Karna blog series one of the most popular.

7. Movie Blog: What We Can Learn from Aamir Khan’s PK?

PK – the latest offering by Rajkumar Hirani, with Aamir Khan in the lead explored the age old question – “who is God?” We appreciated the message the movie delivered, and you agreed.

8. Does Mahabharat Justify Draupadi’s Molestation?

We are in awe of Draupadi and we fail to understand why she isn’t worshipped like Sita is. She was the ultimate feminist of her time and her stunning persona has withstood the test of times. We will continue exploring Draupadi’s motivations and ambitions in our upcoming blogs.

9. Satyamev Jayate Episode Review – Who is Guilty – A Rapist or a Rape-Victim?

A rape victims in India suffer at the hand of society’s indifference, misogyny, and barbarism. The stories will rip your soul but also help you appreciate the tenacity of rape victims in India.

10. A Complete Mockery of Gender Equality – Draft of the Nepalese Constitution

We were increasingly disappointed by the Constitution of Nepal and the gender disparity. We analyzed the draft constitution and encouraged citizens to voice their concerns about the Constitution.

Happy New Year, friends!  Are we not excited about the beginning of the year and our New Year  resolutions to lead a healthy lifestyle? How about giving ourselves the permission to truly relax in our own backyard this year?

We have read about Yogis discussing about their truly transformative experiences and benefits from a Yoga Retreat. But let me be honest. Yoga Retreats are expensive. As much as we would like to attend those well-organized Yoga workshops in exotic locations far away from our world, it is not always possible.

How about organizing our own customized Relax Yoga Day for ourselves behind our own front door this year? Yes, it is possible, and it is absolutely simple and fun.

More important, it is free!

There are some challenges though.

Challenge 1: Can you give yourself a break for a day?

We are so engrossed in our day-to-day mundane work; we do not even have the luxury to give one day of our life to ourselves. That is the biggest tragedy of our life.

Why don’t we change that this year? Challenge yourself to devote ONE DAY of your life to yourself.  If you have children, ask someone to take care of them for a day; if you work on weekends, tell your boss you need some time for yourself. Whatever it is, make an effort to choose a day for yourself, and be fully prepared for your Relax Yoga Day.

I chose the first Sunday of 2016 as my “Relax Day” a month ago and started planning accordingly.

Any day is good- key is to ensure that you devote your whole day on the mat without any disturbance and distraction.

Challenge 2: Can you give up carbs for a day?

As simple as it sounds, giving up carbs is not an easy task specially if you are habit driven or an emotional or comfort eater.  Remember, this is the day you are planning to cleanse your body, and thus allow yourself to eat detoxing cleanse foods only.

Many Yoga teachers have suggested several Meal Plans as you can find them online. I have a very simple rule. On this day, I try to stay away from oil cooked foods; processed foods; fatty, salty and sugary salt foods; caffeine and dairy products; and meat. I try to stick to fruit and raw (or boiled) vegetable diet. Many times, I include boiled potatoes as my energy booster.

Whatever it is, choice is all yours. Just be mindful that you want to eat more fruit and vegetables, drink more water and cut down on processed foods, junk foods, caffeine and alcohol on this day.

Challenge 3: Can you pick up some Yoga videos to follow?

If you are not a member of one of those Online Yoga classes, you can still find zillions of free Yoga videos online.

I recommend that you choose ‘Yoga for beginners’ videos even if you are not new to Yoga (not fat-burning Yoga classes). I am a big fan of Yoga videos from Esther Ekhart and thus I am suggesting some of her videos in this blog (in fact, I learnt about home-based Yoga Retreat from her website only). Nevertheless,  I suggest you explore and choose those videos that you are comfortable with.

Now all set..? Here we go with our plan

MORNING

Start your morning with Meditation and Pranayama. I generally start at 8 am and give 30 minutes for meditation and 30 minutes for Pranayama

8:00-8:30 AM: Meditation

8:30-9:00 AM: Pranayama

Tips for meditation: If you are new to meditation, or if your mind struggles to remain calm, I suggest you listen to music to distract yourself from thinking.  Any music is good as long as you are enjoying listening to it, and your mind is not wandering around.

8:00-9:00 AM: Breakfast

Some teachers suggest any fruit smoothie using rice or soy milk. We are trying to stay away from dairy products, bread, eggs, meat etc. It is absolutely your choice. Whatever you decide, choose something healthy and light meal (as we have to go for one more round of Yoga class in 2-3 hours)

AFTERNOON

12:00 pm- 1:30pm: 1.5 hours of light Yoga for beginners.

There are different types of Yoga out there. I generally choose Hatha or Vinyasa Yoga for beginners.

Most of You Tube Hatha Yoga videos get you a gentle introduction to the most basic yoga postures.  In case, if you want to challenge yourself, you can go for Vinyasa or Iyengar Classes. Whatever you choose, remember  it is a 1.5 hour of Yoga class, and your goal is to complete the class (not to get burnt out in between).

Lunch:

Again- it is your choice. Stick to our rule about food. I generally go for fruit diet – lots of water melon, papaya, mango, apple, and so on.

LATE AFTERNOON

4:30 – 5:30 pm: Yin Yoga or Restorative Yoga

Yin yoga is an amazing way to relax and soothe frayed nerves. Here is an example from Esther Ekhart’s video collection

Dinner:

If you are tired of Fruit Diet, you can pick some vegetables as well. I mix boiled broccoli, carrots, peas etc. If I need some energy due to long hours on the mat, I take boiled potatoes as well. Once again, it is all your choice as long as you stick to our Food Rule.

Finally,

Relax Yoga Day  is the day you are devoting to yourself, hence, try to stay away from computer, tablet, TV, phone and everything else that you are addicted to. This is the day to be “digitally detached”. I call it detox from all devices.

So friends, try organizing such a Day for yourself. I just did it yesterday, and it was extremely empowering to be able to cleanse my mind, my body and my soul.  More important, I felt good that I was able to take time for myself. If I can do it, you can definitely do it.

After all, it is all about “devoting” one day to relaxing and pampering yourself at home.

Do it because you deserve it!

Have you ever witnessed life come a full circle, like in the “what goes around comes around” kind of way? My co-blogger Deepti and I have spent numerous hours discussing the Ranveer-Deepika-Ranbir-Katrina love angle and we just experienced Bollywood’s biggest karma-is-a-b**** fallout in recent history.

As you must have already read – Ranbir broke up with Katrina. Incidentally, it is also the day Ranveer and Deepika won the Filmfare award as the new “it” Bollywood couple. It’s an irony of sorts because Deepika really got burnt by Ranbir’s incessant cheating with Katrina, broke up and eventually found Ranveer – the crazy loverboy! But then, it’s Ranbir we’re talking about – he carries the Kapoor legacy so to speak. The doomed Katrina-Ranbir pair broke up because Katrina was pretty pissed off about Deepika’s lingering presence in Ranbir’s life.

Despite all the drama, Deepika’s measured approach to success has been talked about just as much as the men in her life – from Dhoni to Ranbir to Ranveer. The lady is unapologetic about her successes and failures. You rarely see her getting caught up in drama and always takes the high road. Regardless of your opinion about her work, Deepika is a young lady who carries her own and here’s what we can learn from her dignified grace:

Keep Calm When Good Luck Turns on You

It all began with the massive fallout between Deepika and Ranbir, when Ranbir allegedly cheated on her. Ranbir’s initials as tattooed on her neck couldn’t save her from the misery and the pain after the breakup – and she talked about her depression publicly. But, she turned her agony into relentless passion for work and she cranked out one good performance after another – Cocktail, Chennai Express, Yeh Jawani Hai Diwani, Piku, Bajirao Mastani to name a few. Good luck came back around didn’t it?

The Universe Does Not Reward Reaction, it Rewards Stillness

Ladies in Bollywood talk a lot of absurdities about Deepika. They call her catty, jealous, over-zealous with her PR, vindictive etc. But Deepika rarely reacts; she carries on with dignity and never fires back. Her contemporaries have played the victim card; remember when Kangana cried about not being friends with Deepika anymore and being hurt about not being invited to Piku’s after-after-party? Remember when Sonam said Deepika’s PR was too busy putting out poor news about other actresses? There’s one thing Deepika didn’t do – REACT. She carried on! It was Kangana and Sonam who seemed catty and jealous! Deepika on the other hand kept bagging one good film after another with a focused approach.

You Experience True Abundance When You Forgive

The public breakup, the depression that followed, the failed movies and the mockery from critics must not have been easy for Deepika. Many wrote her agony off as a rich girl’s problem, yet – misery is misery be it a rich woman’s or a poor woman’s. What’s critical is that Deepika did not talk poorly about Ranbir – instead she was always the better person and spoke warmly about him and about the healthy post-breakup relationship they shared. She forgave but made better choices – both personal and professional. She grew from her experience.

What Goes Around Comes Around

In the end, it is Deepika who is having the last laugh. She’s enjoying the accolades, the endorsements, the international limelight, and the affection from her directors and majority of the male co-stars. The girl who was once written off, as just a pretty face was possibly the only reason 2015’s Tamasha (with Ranbir and Deepika in the lead) did the little business that it did.

Ranbir Kapoor despite being the better actor is still struggling to deliver a hit on his own – much like his talented cousin – Kareena Kapoor. If you really want another evidence of what-goes-around-comes-around– you must remember that Kareena dissed Deepika pretty poorly back in 2010 on Koffee with Karan, and really has had a pretty sucky career since! Katrina, Ranbir’s ex-love might as well bite dust – with no RK, it’s hard to imagine she will have any career left.

Lastly, here’s the best evidence of what-goes-around-comes-around! When Karan Johar asked Deepika about advice she’d give to her ex – Ranbir Kapoor, she suggested he endorse a condom brand…ahem…an insinuation about his promiscuous ways. Here’s the irony though – Ranveer Singh, her beau now endorses a condom brand. Isn’t it interesting how life works out?

In the end, no one really knows the inside scoop, but Deepika is a wise lady. She’s ambitious like no other and has been able to channel her stressors into successes. Of course the stunning face, a near perfect frame and the tanned Indian graciousness doesn’t hurt – at least her fans are not complaining.

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